Jerking off while baked can lead to unpredictable results.
Added: Jun 2021 1,801 words 2,152 views 4.3 stars (6 votes) This story was commissioned via Patreon.
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I’m in the middle of a truly exceptional afternoon bake when I suddenly get horny as fuck. I know, I’m horny all the time, right? True, true, but there’s horny and then there’s horny. It happens to me a lot when I’m smoking, to be honest. I spark up and fall into it nice and slow and I’m evening out for a really long while, I don’t know how long, just coasting through it all, it feels so sweet… and then I realize that I’m, like, crazy hard right now and getting off right now would be the best thing ever. My little SoHo apartment is so perfect for this, too, ’cuz it’s all square white rooms, all clean and cozy, and I can just lay back like I’m in this cool, safe box that’s just for me and my deal and nothing else. Like my dorm last semester, back when I was ungraduated and everything, but better, like I’m adulting now and everything. When I get a job it’s going to be the best thing ever to come home to, but right now it’s so cool to not come home to it ’cuz I’m already here, you know?
I relax deep into the bed, just enjoying being hard. I want to stay hard forever, just being hard, but I also really really want to get off; so I decide to do that, really really get off, ’cuz I’ll be hard while it’s happening and then I can just get hard again later, ’cuz boners are like that, they always come back, every time. Solid plan, right? Just need my dick, and my phone, and my hands.
Then I look down at my left hand and I’m holding my phone in my hand. Which is handy. Heh, get it? Handy? Anyway. So I pick up my phone and start digging into it for pics while my dick taps at my belly like it wants in. I watch it for a while and let it tap on its own a bit, and then I start tapping out the beats to “Bolero”, which is really funny. I should totally find my phone and video that, and, oh, hey, my phone’s right here. Sick. But my phone’s already queued up to my image bank, because, right, I was going to jerk my big ol’ wang all over my skinny chest and everything.
I wrap my hand around said wang and start thumbing through my primo collection of way-hot morphed extras dudes, which is my personal guaranteed ticket to mind-blown orgasmic explosion. I stroke slow ’cuz I want to play this out—not going anywhere, right?—but I’m so titanium hard that just those first gentle strokes are already sending me. I grin and look back at my phone, knowing if I cum fast or slow either way it’s going to be so awesome.
So I thumb through my pics, ogling my guys and stroking, just dragging my thumb and index finger along the shaft ’cuz I’m half-close already. I try to focus on the pics. My phone is one of those big ones, too, big but not too big. Kind of like my wang, heh. But I like my big phone (and my big wang) ’cuz the images are nice and rezzy and so real, it feels like it’s actual reality you’re holding in your hand.
I’m stroking and thumbing through and the pics really are, like, actual, and I’m, like, staring into them and feeling like they’re really connecting with me? Like, I’m looking at this toned and twunky four-armed guy with an all-over yummy tan and this adorable goatee, and it’s like, he’s laying in bed, and I’m laying in bed. White sheets, white sheets! He even looks like me, too, like that’s actually me laying in that bed! My dick feels like it gets even stiffer at that, and I know that’s not even possible. The me in the pic is smiling and I’m smiling too, like, I’m smiling and I’m smiling. The me in the pic feels totally real and alive, too, and now it’s like he’s totally thumbing through his phone like me and slow-tease jerking like I am and he brings up another hand to stroke that cute goatee ’cuz he can, and, man, I can actually feel it. I slide my thumb and finger down each side of the goatee, just like I’m doing with my dick, and they’re both smooth in completely different ways. The goatee feels soft and silky though, and my dick is kind of silky but totally not soft in any way shape or form, dude.
I want to see more so I thumb to the next picture. It’s another four-armed guy, awesome, but he’s buffer than the last one and he’s got two big boners that are dripping on his upper abs. So hot. I look closer and I realize this one looks like me, too, like, that’s my face, though without the goatee now and looking a little Korean, like that’s the Korean me. I grin, and the me in the pic grins, because we love looking Korean and buff and four-armed and being double-boned all the time. In the pic I’m leaning up against a brick wall somewhere with a nice high-end scooter next to me, and I’m trying to figure out when me and my Piaggio got our pic taken with me all naked and double-boned in an alley or something.
Then I look up and remember that the bedroom wall in my Brooklyn loft is totally exposed brick like that, because, like, there it is, duh. And my bitchin’ blue Piaggio is leaning on the wall right there in the middle, and there I am next to it like in the pic, back against the bricks, watching me stroke my big boners using both my right hands with this big grin like watching me stroke is pretty awesome, which it is. I still got one more hand so I wave to myself, hello, and the me leaning against the wall waves back. Man, I got nice hands. And arms. We both have that cool black braided-steel bracelet on our upper right wrists, which looks crazy sexy on us. We’ve got nice pecs, too. Those sweet thick ones, you know? Really square and this uniform heft that swells in the middle. Four of ‘em close together looks amazing, too. Pec-pec, pec-pec, like a double speed-bump or something. I want to use the hand I’m waving with to feel myself up instead, so I do. Heh, second base.
I look back at my phone and sure enough there I am again, just leaning against the brick wall of my bedroom with my bike right there, all boned up and sultry-smiling. I shiver, feeling myself get closer, and I speed up my strokes just a little as I swipe to the next pic.
The next pic is me at the office in a white four-armed dress shirt using all my hands to type wicked-looking game code on two different keyboards at once, which is hilarious. I never actually do that at work, ’cuz who has two keyboards, right? Anyway I kinda want to see skin, so I start to thumb past that, but… wait, should I be at the office right now? But I know for sure I’d never get baked on a weekday like this, so it’s got to be Saturday, or maybe Sunday. Or a holiday. One of those federal ones where no one’s working except those hot delivery guys bringing you pizza and stuff. But definitely not a work day. Plus if I were working right now I’d be over at the other end of my loft at my off-the-hook home office setup like in the picture, with the huge dual monitors and high-end processors and, whoa, two keyboards. Nice. Anyway, I’d totally be over there working away and banging out killer code instead of leaning against the wall watching me jerk off my big twin wangs and feeling myself up all sensual and shit. Crisis averted!
So I go back to my phone and thumb to the next picture, saving workday me for an actual workday. The new pic is me, too, except I look kind of Latino in this picture, which is hot. I’m in the shower and I look really tall, so I turn my phone portrait to get a better look. My three legs look really long, but still muscle-sexy, especially with that rich sepia skin tone and just exactly the right amount of dark hair on the thighs and calves. Both groins are erupting with my patented thick double wangs, and even though I’ve got this unbelievable stone-carved twelve-pack my cocks are like two thirds of the way up it—so fucking hot. I speed up my strokes as I slide my eyes up my own body in the shower, like I’m using my phone to look straight into my own amazing bathroom. I can even hear the shower running, not just through the speakers but from the actual bathroom, and I’m tempted to go ogle myself for real but that’s why I’ve got this sweet portal-phone, right? I stroke faster as I continue up my tight, stone-cut abs to my three rows of thick, almost disproportional pecs, and they look so good I’m using every hand that’s not holding up the phone to jack my giant wangs or feel up my hairy pecs and tight abs. Good thing I got lots of hands! Shower me is stroking too, kind of languid-like, though he’s still soaping up that rock-hard, extra-long torso at the same time, and as I pan up shower-me leers into the camera. “Come on,” shower-me mouths, and my lips look so sweet.
Fuck, that’s enough to hurl me over the edge, and I start cumming like crazy, totally painting my twelve-pack and my triple rows of pecs with amazing amounts of hot wet spunk while shower me watches through the phone with this smug smile, like, “I did that, I own that mega-orgasm.” I just keep cumming and cumming, too, kind of laughing ’cuz I’m cumming and orgasming so much, and it feels like lemon meringue pie and skydiving forever and just being a mega-orgasm, you know, like that’s my existence.
I lose some time, I think, but when I surface I’m all splayed out on my bed, kind of liquid and covered in jizz, feeling perfectly blissed and baked, like, the ideal combination. Then I hear the shower running, and I grin. I get up and head for the bathroom to find shower-me, with leaning-against-the-wall me following close behind.
Update posts: Weekly Update: 5 June 2021
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