The tutor: Equipment maintenance

by BRK   

Two workers are sent in to test the Tutors’ Suggestion Room.

“I don’t get it. There’s no equipment in the room, just a few student desks and a whiteboard. What are we supposed to repair?”

“Dude, I’m just the student work study temp. I don’t know anything about maintenance shit.”

“You’re student temping in the maintenance department, kid. Why’d you sign up with us if you don’t give a fuck about ‘maintenance shit’?”

“Buildings and Grounds, dude. I thought I’d be out cuttin’ grass and pimpin’ flower beds and all.”

“‘Cuttin’ grass,’ huh? I’ve known you for five minutes, but somehow that sounds spot on for you.”

“Heh. Dude, you made a funny.”

“Just get out the work order, blondie, and see what it says so we can be done and out of here. These basement rooms give me the creeps.”

“Yeah, right? It does feel weird in here. Like goosebumps you haven’t gotten yet.”

“Deep. The work order?”

“Uhhh, lemme unfold it. Sorry, it’s been in my back pocket and it’s all wrinkly. Why do you oldsters use paper for everything anyway? It’s so—”

“Palpable? Reliable?”

“I was gonna say ‘cumbersome,’ but whatever. Uh, okay. So, weird, nothing’s filled in except ‘Location’ and ‘Instructions’.”

“Annnnd… what does it say?”

“It says, uh, ‘Tutors’ Suggestion Room.’”

“Kid.”

“Heh, you’re so easy to mess with, dude. The instructions just say, ‘Say fantastical things about each other. Results assessed. Rollback may be possible in extreme cases.’ Uh, okay? Oh, and under that it says, ‘Take no action re: fixtures and furniture.’”

“That’s… what?!”

“I don’t know either, dude.”

“Give me that.”

“Dude, you don’t have to snatch it away like a diving seagull and stuff. Why are you oldsters so mistrustful of the young, ripped, and irresistible anyway?”

“Stop calling me an ‘oldster,’ for fuck’s sake, I’m fo—thirty-five. And you’re not any more ‘irresistible’ than I am.”

“Whoa, did you see that? The fluorescent tube light thingies flickered for a second.”

“That is weird. Why are you standing so close?”

“Dunno, just seems right. I’m feeling drawn to you, mister thirty-five man. No homo!”

“Ugh, that’s offensive. I’m homo, ‘dude.’ You’re attracted to me, then deal with it.”

“So… yes homo? Because I’m super-attracted to you? With your sexy one-day beard and those adorable sea blue eyes and your shoulder-length hair I just want to shove my fingers into and—”

“Exactly. And stop grinning. It’s… look, it’s not like we came down here to make out or anything.”

“And yet…”

“Mmmmmf, fuck, you are an amazing kisser. That tongue of yours—”

“Yeah, stud?”

“It’s gotta be, uh, extra long, right? It felt extra long.”

“I’ve never measured, dude. Though, it had been noted.”

“Fuck, the smile is almost as hot as the kiss. I’ve got boners on top of boners.”

“I can feel. How many you got down there for me?”

“Okay, stop. Step back. We need to be professionals.”

“You’re the professional, sexy man. I’m just the work-study student with the very flattering Buildings and Grounds tee shirt that guys want to pull right off my body whenever they see me.”

“Ugh, fine, fuck it.”

“Like that. Better, right?”

“Stop gesturing to your amazing half-naked body like you’re Vanna White or something.”

“Who?”

“Look, we are down here to do a job, however… distracting we find each other.”

“A ‘job’, huh? Sounds like a plan, stud.”

“A work job, dick breath. We’re here to fix… the… the…”

“The lights that keep flickering, maybe?”

“Yes. No. No, the work order says keep clear of the fixtures. We’re just supposed to…”

“Stare into each other’s eyes?”

“Fuck. Focus. We’re supposed to ‘say fantastical things.’”

“So extra. What does that even mean?”

“It’s gotta be to test audio equipment in the room or something. That’s the only reason I can think of.”

“Uh huh. So, what, then? Like, ‘I have a fantastic ass’?”

“I feel like ‘fantastical’ and ‘ludicrously self-evident’ are probably not the same thing.”

“It is pretty obviously fantastic.”

“And we’re supposed to say fantastical things about each other.”

“So I say your ass is fantastic? As fantastic as mine?”

“Mr. Humility here. It doesn’t have to be fantastical things about ass, asshole.”

“Your ass is pretty fantastic though dude. Like, literally, like I fantasize about it all the time. I get hard just thinking about it.”

“I guess that explains why you’ve been coming to work with that big club in your pants. I thought you were just constantly super-horny.”

“Oh, I am, sexy boss man. So horny.”

“I see that.”

“But I’m also happy to see you.”

“I can tell. How big is that thing?”

“So big, dude.”

“Bigger than big.”

“Huge.”

“Fuck, what you got sticking out of your pants and drooling on those chiseled abs of yours is bigger than an entire one of my dicks! Width and length.”

“Pfft. Come off it. Your dicks are plenty big.”

“I guess.”

“Totally huge. How many rods you packing again?”

“Hmm. How many you want?”

“Whoa, you can change the number, dude? So cool.”

“What? I meant—whatever. But yeah, sort of. I can merge them and split them, but it’s really hard work.”

“So to speak. So do they all have the same total mass and get really thin if you have, like thirty dicks? That would be weird.”

“Uh, I haven’t tried that many. We should—”

“I think your dicks should always be the same size after you split ‘em.”

“Uh—”

“We should make that a rule. Your dicks are always, what, twelve inches? Twelve long and six around. So girthy dude, I wanna suck ’em all.”

“That’s not really splitting, kid, that’s like, duping.”

“Right? You don’t split dicks, you dupe ‘em. Even better. But you can still merge ‘em.”

“I guess that’s more accurate. Okay, enough about my dicks. I should say something fantastical about you.”

“Go wild man. Make something up. Total fantasy.”

“Uh, okay. You can… dupe… yourself. Your whole, uh, irresistibly sexy bo—okay, stop grinning. Why are you grinning like that?”

“Dude, that’s not fantasy.”

“What are you—shit, you’re behind me, too. Right behind me.”

“That’s what you wanted, right? What you were fantasizing about just now? Tell me you were dreaming up a me sandwich just like this, dude.”

“So cocky. Look, I just wanted your huge cock to ride my crease a little, okay? Yeah, like that. O-only I didn’t want to stop looking at you.”

“Wish granted. So you want me to kiss you while I ride you, sexy beardy boss man?”

“Nnnngggg. Unh, I lose track of time when you kiss me like that.”

“Good, ‘cause we’re gonna live forever, young and strong and hot, and I’m gonna be fucking you and kissing you pretty much the whole time.”

“That sounds—unhh—impractical. Fuck, when did you rip through my pants and slide that club up my ass?”

“You like it, dude. Your tight, slick ass is made for my arm-sized dick.”

“Unnnnhh, it’s not arm sized, fucker.”

“Yeah, call me by my name. And I didn’t say whose arm. Mine are too muscular obviously. Like the rest of me.”

“Fucker. Just because you’ve been working out since you were a toddler—unnnh, fuck, that feels—”

“Yeah? Tell me.”

“Perfect. How does that giant dick feel like it belongs in me?”

“Because it does, dude.”

“I still think fucking and making out all the time is not workable. We gotta eat, and—”

“Do we?”

“Stop joking. You like making rules for us, so, I say fucking and making out is us, like, twenty percent of the time. And we get to switch it up, take turns.”

“Forty percent. Not counting fucking while we’re sleeping.”

“Geez, that’s hot. I’m so horny. I’m probably as horny as you.”

“Horny enough to want to fuck me?”

“At least let me fuck one of you while you’re fucking me sometimes.”

“Oh, we’ll do it all sorts of ways. Starting with—”

“Shit, I didn’t didn’t see that third one of you down there. Uh, yeah, okay, unbuckle—that’s—uh, yeah, oh shit, oh shit.”

“Dude, your dick feels so good in my mouth.”

“Heh, normally guys don’t get to say that while they’re actually—actually sucking—fuck, you’re making me so turned on.”

“And your dick juice is like, so good. I might be getting a buzz off it.”

“I gotta touch you. Your body is a wet dream. I could jerk off just to your pecs and abs. I bet guys cum just from looking at you for too long.”

“Fuck yeah. Only reason I wear shirts. And you’re never gonna have to jerk off again.”

“I’m so horny all the time. Like you. Any time I’m alone, I want to whack off.”

“You don’t get it. I can dupe myself, remember? Which means I will always… be… with you. Doing stuff like this.”

“Oh! Jesus! How many of you are sucking me?! And your dick up my ass, it’s—oh god—”

“Kiss me and cum all over all my hard, hunky bods, dude.”

“Unnhh—oh! oh! ohhhhhh!!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna cum up your ass dude! I’m gonna cum so hard I’ll be able to taste my cum while kiss you!”

“Do it, you talky blond sculpted Adonis! Y—unhh—unnhhhh—unhhh!!!”

“Ahhhh, aw, oh god, dude. Oh, I taste so good in your mouth. Almost as good as yours.”

“Uhhh, huh, yeah, that’s definitely a… yeah. Dude, that was the best orgasm ever, and—”

“You’re still up for it, aren’t you?”

“Like you’re not.”

“I think I’m leaving my hard monster cock all the way up your ass, dude.”

“Buildings and Grounds might have an objection or two.”

“Yeah? Fuck them. I kinda have other priorities at the moment.”

“Mmmmmfff, your priorities have a cummy-tasting tongue. An extra-long cummy-tasting tongue. I swear that thing was sliding down my throat.”

“You know what, sexy boss man? I think we’re done with cryptic-ass work orders and creepy basement tutoring rooms with weird flickering lights. I didn’t like the sound of that extreme rollback thing, either, whatever that was.”

“Fine by me, not that I can think straight at the moment.”

“I bet.”

“Let’s be somewhere else, then. Shall we slip out and take the bus, or can guys who can dupe themselves and make guys cum just from pulling their shirts off do other things as well?”

“What, like fly? Conjure magic carpets?”

“More like… I mean, duping yourself involves transmutation of matter from somewhere, right? So my guess is, dupe-capable guys can transmute themselves to… wherever.”

“Hm. Themselves, and maybe sexy bossman lovers who might or might not be skewered up the ass with a club-sized cock? Is that the idea.”

“I’m serious. I’ve thought about it a lot, because I can dupe my dicks, right? So I experimented, and then one day in high school I did it.”

“Yeah? What’d you do, stud?”

“I… uh, teleported a boner into the lap of a guy I had a crush on.”

“Yeah? He sneak it home with him and fuck himself with it?”

“Fuck, dude, it’s been 20 years and he’s still fucking himself with it. I have cum so many times in that guy’s mouth and ass…”

“Unh, dude, you’re killing me.”

“So have you tried it? Teleporting?”

“Dude, I’ve been teleporting since I was 12. I just didn’t realize it was related to my dupe power.”

“Okay then, hot stuff. Let’s be somewhere else. Someplace where the six of us can fuck and fuck and fu—”

(Recording ends) (Contact lost)

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