Best laid plans

by Collan

Two college boyfriends try to upgrade their lives by becoming someone else, but things don’t turn out the way they expect.

“I hate this hair. It’s too fucking long.”

“So get a fucking haircut.”

“And how are you still wearing the hat? You can’t stand wearing hats.”

“Yeah, well, Brad’s apparently used to it. To be honest, I hadn’t even noticed.”

“Dude, how many pictures are you gonna fucking take? I only took three. Stop staring at the mirror.”

“Oh come on, man. I need fuel for later! I know we ended up in the wrong bodies. I mean, I wanted to fuck Brad, not be him, but honestly, I can’t say as I’m all that upset about it now. I mean, damn! Just fucking look at this! And look at you! Stop looking so fucking grim.”

“Yeah, well speak for yourself. How could you not have known Chaz was straight? I would look at Brad and Chaz before we jumped in, and ‘sproing’! Now I look at you, with me in this body looking like this, and nothing.”

“Look, I’m sorry, ok? With the way they always acted together, plus that hair, I mean jeez. How could the gaydar not go off despite the way they whore around?”

“I’ve been working on some memory assimilation while you’ve been playing Narcissus. Looks like Brad was faking being straight, but Chaz was the real deal. They tripped our gaydar because they’ve just known each other forever. And now I’m Chaz, and… Fuck! Yeah, this fucking hair has got to go. I don’t give a shit whether the ladies love it or not, it’s bugging the crap out of me and it’s only been like, what, twenty minutes?”

“D’oh! It’s been thirty minutes! Look at the clock. Sorry, just let me just get a few more angles. Hm. I do look kinda hot in the hat, don’t I?”

“Will you stop grinning and focus? Shit, I’m already thinking about the ladies loving this body! That feels so damned strange. Holy shit, I’m starting to get hard imagining Tina!”

“Really? What a depressing thought.”

“Yeah, the thought of your cock is just gross to me now. How weird. Anyway, hurry the fuck up. We’re gonna be spending enough time working out here as it is. It’s not like we won’t be back. We need to get out of here and get back to their, I mean our room. We have more to deal with than we thought with us not actually being boyfriends.”

“Ok, ok. I just want to be sure I have enough material to jack off to, and the dorm doesn’t have mirrors this big. I’m hard just looking at Brad, and yet I’m Brad now. I’m getting off on my own body!”

“Why do you think I called you Narcissus, asswipe?”

“Ok, I gotta check the goods before we go.”

“Seriously? You’re checking out your own cock here? Now?”

“Damnit. Look at this piece of meat! It’s all long and thick and veiny. God it’s gorgeous! I was so looking forward to going down on this cock. And now it’s mine. Although if I had ended up where I expected to, I suppose I wouldn’t want to anymore.”

“Well who knows. You’re big enough now, and you’re probably limber enough. I’ll bet you still can. The ultimate in self-love. Now pull your shorts back up. I don’t wanna see that shit anymore.”

“Dude, that’s awesome! I never even thought of that! You’re right, let’s get out of here. I want to get back to the room and see if I can suck myself off!”

“Just don’t forget to save some of that juice for Trent.”

“Huh?”

“Dude! Access. Your. God. Damned. Memories!”

“Holy… Trent Michaels??”

“No, Trent Reznor.”

“Fuck you, smart ass.”

“Well I’m not the one that’s been staring at myself in a mirror for the last half hour plus. Thank god the place is deserted tonight. People would think we were fags. Oh wait, you still are.”

“Wow! Trent Michaels is my secret boyfriend! Kick ass!”

“Yeah, yeah. Kick ass, but dangerous. You’re supposed to be meeting him in a couple of hours. We’re still riding the initial transition right now, but you know it’s gonna take almost a full week for us to fully settle in to where the body language and the speech patterns are totally automatic. We don’t need to take any chances on someone realizing something’s off with either one of us. You might wanna beg off somehow.”

“What, beg off on a booty call with Trent Michaels? Are you fucking insane??”

“Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ! That body must be affecting you. You’re supposed to be the cautious one.”

“But Trent’s body is a fucking work of art! And now mine is too! Trent and Brad. Trent and me now! And Trent thinks the hat is hot. Heh. Shit, I’m so fucking hard now just thinking about it. How am I gonna hold out for two whole fucking hours?”

“Well don’t look at me dipshit. I don’t bat for your team anymore. You know, the old me part of me wants to beat the shit out of you for this, but the Chaz part of me is obsessing over Tina’s…”

“Stop! Ugh, just… don’t go any further with that thought. We both know how I’ll react.”

“But I thought you needed help holding out for Trent. Heh. Pussy. Mmm yeah. Tina’s pussy. Gonna bury my face in her…”

“Oh god. You’re gonna make me hurl. Fucking buzz kill.”

“Dude, I gotta say, the way this whole thing is working is just fucking amazing. I mean it’s one thing to be told about it, but living it is something totally else. Listen to us! ‘Dude’s and ‘fucking’s dropping out of our mouths. The speech patterns have really taken over way faster than I thought they would. And being straight! I’m getting so fucking horny imagining burying my face in Tina’s cunt, and it feels the exact same way it used to when I would imagine doing that to Chaz’s ass. Ha! My ass now! Ain’t that a kick in the head.”

“Well it worked. Sooooo not turned on anymore. Put your goddamned shirt on and let’s get out of here. You’re right. We do have to figure some things out that we hadn’t planned on, damnit. God, I wish we’d stayed boyfriends. I mean I know I obsessed over Brad… Ok, ok, I know that look, still obsessed… but you’re a damned fine piece of ass, too. Shit. Even being with Trent, I… I mean Brad… was still so in love with… am so in love with Chaz… you… whatever. Fuck, it’s confusing with both of our memories in here. Fucking straight boy cock tease.”

“Bite me. You were the one that screwed up and accidentally put us into the wrong bodies. And I’m the one with his sexual world turned upside down, not you. And with too long hair. Faggot.”

“Faggot? Really?”

“Heh. You know what I mean. The love is still there, just not the same way anymore. Can’t help it, bro. Old bodies or new bodies though, we’re still best friends, right?”

“Yeah, we are. And at least I’ve got Trent to look forward to!”

“Faggot.”

“Heh. Yeah, yeah. Just shut up and grab your damned bag. Breeder.”

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