Dragon’s Horde: Retired by drinking

by STrRedWolf

Sometimes the best retirement for an actor can be the role of a lifetime. With the help of the Dragon’s Horde, an actor’s retirement can be a life-changing, and possibly squeaky, event.

Added: Sep 2018 3,170 words 5,150 views 4.0 stars (1 vote)


The large doors opened out into the main bar of the Dragon’s Horde, with the short sound of skittering against the tile. This perked the bar-dragon’s ears up… if he had any. One look, and the barkeep took a double-take.

“Alex!” he said to the source of the skittering, a four-armed rubber-wearing wolf with a huge spider for a lower body, “Whatcha doing here and what can I get you?”

“Oh! Dan!” Alex said with a bit of a jump. “Sorry, I’ve been a bit skittish about being out in public lately. Scared a kid and…”

“Come come, I’ll tell you how to overcome that.” Dan motioned him over to the bar’s larger-clientele area and poured a lager beer. “I think you’re a lager fur, right?”

“Yeah,” Alex said as he walked over. “So what’s this secret?”

“Play peek-a-boo, almost like you were scared of them. They’ll come around and then you can hug and all will be right.”

Alex took a sip and said “I’ll have to try that. Hey, you remember the last party I had at the mansion?”

“Oh yeah,” Dan said. “I turned one of the guests, I think a lion, three headed, four armed, and with a permastiff twice as long as he is tall?”

“You got Chaz, and you got him duplicated and rubberized. Turns out he’s a retired actor, and I got wind of another thinking about retiring…”

“We got lucky that it worked on one shot. I have to worry about legal ramifications, though…”

“We have an agreement, although I need to sign on his partner soon. Goes by the name Edward.”

“Edward… oh! Yes, word through the grapevine here is that he’s moved down here and is taking up writing. Having a bit of trouble though, like he needs inspiration in the rubber department.”

“He’s writing kinky?”

Dan nodded. “Definitely. Not bad work. But he’s inexperienced…”

Alex grinned, saying “We can fix that.”

Dan smiled, looking at another dragon who had eavesdropped in on the conversation. “I think we can, if we can arrange it.”

The other dragon, a heavily beefed up brute stuffed in a three-piece like he owned the world, nodded.

“Depends on a lot of factors…” Alex said, spying the eavesdropper. “…if we can employ your services in a timely fashion. With Cyren’s approval, of course.”

The main door opens again, with a regular black wolf entering in, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He looks around as he walks towards the bar itself, taking a regular stool seat.

“Hold that thought…” Dan said. He moves over to the new customer and says “Heya chief. Welcome to the Dragon’s Horde. Can I get you something?”

“Yeah,” the wolf says, voice recognizably growly. “Jack and coke.”

“I need to see your ID, per law.”

The wolf growled and reluctantly showed his driver’s license.

“Understandable,” Dan said. “I’ll start a tab and get your drink, chief.” The barkeep turned, nodding, and started opening a fresh bottle of Jack Daniel’s.

Alex noticed and nodded, throwing a few twenties on the bar with a note and an invite for a party, the date written in for next weekend. “…I’ll chat later, Dan.”

“Sure, Alex,” Dan said, serving the black wolf. The wolf took a few sips of each, before Alex exited the bar and closed the door. Cyren had disappeared into the back rooms.

“He’s a looker,” the wolf finally said.

“A regular too,” Dan added.

“Was he…”

“He asked for that.”

“I’m hoping to retire, and not make any waves.”

“Just moved in?”

“Mostly settled. Looking for a house. Haven’t had the paparazzi follow, but…”

“We have ways to fix that.”

“Well… er… ever do three heads?”

“You’re not the only one.”

“And four arms?” the wolf added.

“Or more.” Dan folded his six arms.

“And an unreachable monster,” the wolf said with a grin.

“You dare our capabilities? You dare to have such a beast?” Dan challenged the wolf. This got Cyren’s attention again, as he peeked out.

The wolf slapped his credit card down. “I dare that you can’t prove it, and I will put my body on the line.”

“Pick your beer.”

“Your local lager.”

“You’re getting a triple,” Dan said, as he went and poured the drinks, adding a massive dose of a custom elixir to three large beer mugs. The massive dragon moved out, and behind Dan, looking at the wolf, and what Dan was mixing. A quick weighing showing green all the way, and Dan plunked all three glasses in front of the wolf.

“This is for…?”

“Such a massive change needs massive amounts of alcohol. We don’t fool around, and I think this will be your limit. Want us to call a driver for you?”

The wolf hesitated. He looked at the barkeep, and then the imposing dragon behind the barkeep. He looked at the drinks.

“All or nothing, no shame ether way,” the imposing dragon said.

The wolf closed his eyes in thought… and breathed deep. He then took one of the beers and downed it in one take.

“Need a breather? Or some food?” Dan said.

“You’re driving a hard bargain,” the wolf said. “Garlic bread, if you got it…”

The imposing dragon turned and bellowed “TERRY! GARLIC BREAD FOR OUR GUEST!”

A voice from the kitchen yelled back “GARLIC BREAD COMING UP, CYREN!”

A local hotel room served as the backdrop to the wolf’s awakening the next day. Dan had guessed right—it was his limit. The garlic bread, steak, spaghetti with extra meat, steak, tiramisu, steak, and desert steak had helped, but the concoction made him sleepy, and he asked for a taxi to the hotel.

Thus he woke up in his room, yawning thrice over and turning… with some difficulty. He looked down, seeing his stacked chest in triplicate, followed by his cock, as thick as his waist and snaking out of his bed and half-way to the bathroom. He blinked and shifted himself up, muttering “Eddie, you finally lost one.”

And then the hangover headache hit, thrice over.

“NNnnnngggghhhh….” he growled thrice over, before spying three containers of Gatorade, a box of hangover powder, and a note. Slowly he got up, his balls the size of boulders hanging in front of him, and he made his careful way to the dresser where the drinks were on. One, two, three containers opened and drank down in one sitting… and his eyes refocused clearer than he ever had.

“Whoa…” Eddie said, “…I was getting fuzzy in my eyesight, but this is… maaan…”. He grabbed the note and headed into the bathroom, dragging his todger into it. There, he saw not an old and worn grey muzzle of a black wolf, but a younger black Cerberus wolf, with four arms and a body that never skipped a work-out day… especially leg day, considering what he was hauling.

And he wagged his tail, with a grin forming on all his faces.

“Eddie, you’re keeping this. This is retirement.”

He looked at the note and grinned. Carefully he drained his member, and then located his cell phone. Dialing the number, he growled from one head to the middle to the other side. It picked up, saying “Alex here.”

“Alex? My name’s Eddie. I was given your number by the barkeep at the Dragon’s Horde. I got a note that you’re willing to throw me a retirement party…”

Eddie exited the limo to Alex’s private estate where the party was being held, an expansive mansion with numerous apartments of many sizes. Rumor had said that there was a cult here… but it was more of a haven and open secret for the pornography group here.

But what was striking was a pair of lions, fixed, unmoving, with cocks just as large as the Cerberus black wolf standing at attention, jutting out well past their reach. Each lion sported two heads and four hands, with a shine that could only be rubber. The gladiator gear each one had on kept with the theme, as both stood with a regular pole besides themselves.

Between them was Alex, who had scurried out when the limo arrived. “Eddie!” Alex said. “So good to properly meet you in person. I’m Alex.”

“Likewise,” Eddie said, maneuvering himself and his expansive package only contained with the miracle of material science that was his new set of clothing. “I got to say, this took a lot of money…”

“A small price to pay, actually. The studios have really taken off. I may have an Oscar contender with one of the non-adult productions, but I really need some experience to make sure it and other scripts are good. Let’s get inside.”

“Sure.” Eddie nodded before stopping next to one of the lions… “Wait… um, I think I know… isn’t this based off of Chaz…”

The lion turned a head down and said “Not just based off of him, but him himself. Hello Ed.”

Ed was taken aback, shocked that such a rubber statue would move and… he came up, and felt the lion’s leg, squeaking it…

“Chaz? That’s…”

“…my leg, and thus me.”


“Talk to Alex and Dan, but it looks like you’re half-way there. I gotta get back on the ol’ job here.”

“Okay. Hope I can join you…”

“Hope so to.” Chaz blinked, and resumed his pose.

Ed ooooh’ed, and caught up with Alex inside the party. The latex-wearing wolf drider motioned him over to a table for a drink… one with a vanilla envelope.

“So that’s where Chaz went to,” Ed said.

“Yeah,” Alex said. “He had a wild party here earlier and that’s the aftermath… well, both bodies. I’ve been hosting him here and he’s been writing up a storm between events.”

“Oh really? Room and board?”

“A large apartment, especially with his endowments the way they are now. Food, drink, whatever his needs for both bodies.”

“Except one thing.”

“I heard you two were a thing,” Alex shrugged. “I’m hoping you and him can be more of a thing. I’d like to give you a retirement home, if you’re willing to do a few things.”

“Which are?” Ed inquired.

“Part-time edit some scripts of ours, and on occasion be the center ‘living statue’ at the entrance, flanked by Chaz on both sides.”

“Living statue? Like Chaz?”

“Well, living rubber statues,” Alex said as a rubber vixen came by and nuzzled Alex. “Oh, meet Vikki, my wife. She’s fully rubber, like Chaz. She volunteered.”

“Wait, you…” Ed started to ask before Vikki moved over and placed a finger against the vocal head.

“Yes,” Vikki said, “I actually asked Dan here, the bartender from the Dragon’s Horde, to turn rubber. Turned out quite well! I’m permanently squeaky.”

“No going back? And Chaz…”

“Chaz got too drunk and Dan got lucky with a mix.”

Ed sat back and placed a hand on each of his chins. “Hmmm… Will said statue have my already oversized tool permamently erect?”

“It’ll have to be,” Alex said. “How else will you keep it up through the parties and be able to identify the guests as they’re coming in?”

Ed thought… and grinned three times over. “I think you got a deal.”

Alex purred and opened the envelope, pulling out some papers. “Please review this then. Chaz got a similar contract. This one is specialized for your case. It also allows us to insure your body in case… you droop.”

Ed took his time and read through the document, and found it rather sound. He asked for a pen, and signed the contract. Alex then signed as well, as did some of the guests as witnesses.

“So?” Ed asked as Alex put the contract away and had a rubberized staffer give it to a lawyer. “What’s next?”

“Your drink!” Alex said, and turned to the bar where Dan was filling orders. “DAN! A RUBBER TREE FOR OUR RETIREE!”

Dan thumbs-up the request and started mixing.

Ed woke up, on his side, laying down in a bed located in a room expansive enough to be called half of a basketball court with seating. Slowly he slipped his tongues back into his maws and rubbed his eyes.

*squeaky* *squeaky* *squeaky*

“Ugh,” he growled in triplicate. “I… ugh… coffee.” Muttering, he flipped himself onto his back.

That’s when the covers flew off and onto his side, as his thick erect tree of a cock swung itself into full mast, taking blankets and sheets off a glistening, fully rubbered Cerberus wolf ever to sport a stacked chest and a cannon for equipment. It took Ed a while to wake up to notice the change, always slow to get his senses together… but after five minutes he shifted his upper body up to feel out his member as far as he could reach.

“Mmmmm…” he growled, feeling the sensations coming into his rubberized brains, slowly moving his hands up and down and up and down. The feeling of tightness and erectness growing until it felt right for the wood he sported… and refused to die down. “…this is heaven.”

As much as he would love to stay in bed, he felt a bit of a duty to test things out. So he shifted over to the side of the bed, and cantilevered himself up. His cock retained its erect state as it fell forward with his hips, leading his way, as his boulders of balls fell on the floor. He then moved to the corner, planted his other foot, and carefully stood up. His balls lifted up, allowing him to move… and the shaft followed along, defying gravity.

“Ooooooh this will be fun,” Ed said as he walked over, swinging his canon left and right. The quick motions had a noticeable and pleasurable lag, pulling his groin one way or another. Hopping a bit in place had a similar effect.

Ed’s right head then noticed the door just as he heard a knock on it. He opened it to find a nude Chaz there.

“Well good afternoon, sleepyhead,” Chaz said, purring like he had when they worked together on many of a film. “Finding things okay?”

“More like trying things out. I gotta hit the loo here.”

“Bathroom’s on the right. I recommend cock first going through doors. Use the cameras and monitors to your advantage. Ring for the cabana boys if you need help.”

Ed nodded all three heads and swung around. His cock then pushed out the door, feet among feet of length, before Ed himself came out and swung around. The accidental comparison made Chaz grin.

“You’ve matched my 24 feet of cock there, Eddie.”

“We’ll verify that soon, Chaz,” Ed said as he headed towards the bathroom. “Ask the boys for the measuring tape…”

Cyren opened the door to his office the next day, and heard a moan that he immediately recognized.

“Dan?” he said. “You on the couch?”

“Yeah…” Dan replied in the darkness, in that familiar set of tones of tired, drunk, spent, exhausted, and almost hung-over.

Cyren shook his head and slipped into the darkened room, closing the door behind him. He then slid by the light switch and said “I’m going to raise the lights up slighly, okay? Just a touch.”

Dan pawed towards his head, finding nothing there but neck. He growled “DO NOT FLICK THAT LIGHT SWITCH!” before wincing and moaning, “Oooh, my aching missing head…”

“I won’t. Just the dimmer up slightly.” Cyren dragged the dimmer all the way down and flicked the light to feed power in. He then carefully brought the dimmer just a touch, giving a nightlight effect. “That’s the max I feel comfortable with.”


“And your head’s by your feet.”

“Mustta been dragin’ it in.”

Cyren approached his desk, knowing where his medical gear was. “How wild was the party?”

“Very… glad I only took the temp potions. Had a few DF’s and a Mirrose left, plus maybe a serving of beer when it rapped up… and a rubber cabana boy asked for some attention.”

“I take it you took initiative.”

“I haven’t been home. Dunno how the equipment got put back in the van, and I was fading out by the time I got near here…”

“Ahhh good,” Cyren said while gloving up. He checked Dan’s pulse before asking “All the temps are gone?”


“And the guest of honor’s drink?”

“Alex named it a Rubber Tree for the effect.”

Cyren put his stethoscope in his ears and checked a few areas, asking Dan to breathe in and out. He even checked under Dan’s elongated throat and neck… before saying “I hate to say this, Dan, but you’re going to live.”


“Stay on that couch. I’ll have Terry get you some food and I think Tani has a good hangover buster of a drink. I got the front since Archie’s out.”

“You’re still out of mead.”

“I know. Order won’t be in until Monday anyway. Just rest, you got the day off.” Cyren then carefully moved over to the door, and opened it slightly back up.

“Boss?” Dan said.

“Yeah Dan?”


Cyren grinned, exited, and closed the door. He then set out to open the bar, knowing full well that good memories were provided by the staff at the Dragon’s Horde.


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