The elevator ride

by BRK

 Another long, boring elevator ride… and you’ve resisted messing with your coworkers for so long.

Added: Feb 2020 Updated: 12 Mar 2022 5,689 words 12,747 views 4.7 stars (30 votes)

M

“Man, this is such a long elevator ride every day. And I get bored so easily.”

“I hear you.”

“You’re lucky. You’re so tall you’ll get there sooner than I will.”

“Heh, maybe a half a second.”

“More than that. You’re, like, seven feet tall. Right? You’re practically already there.”

“You’d think.”

“Wow, nice smile.”

“Thanks.”

“Really nice.”

“Thanks.”

“Hmm. The, uh, doorways in this building are all pretty high, at least, so that’s a good thing. Less ducking for you.”

“Definitely. It’s actually one of the reasons I took this job.”

“I hear that. So what do you do up on 74, anyway?”

“Oh, tall stuff.”

“Funny. For real though?”

“Forensic accounting.”

“Really?”

“What?”

“Nothing, I just wasn’t expecting that.”

“Yeah? Why not?”

“Well, for one thing, you’re gorgeous.”

“I’m not—”

“Like, model handsome.”

“Um—”

“Deep, sexy voice, too. See, that’s why I was sure they’d have you in sales or something, charming the clients.”

“Hey, I like accounting. And I’m good at it.”

“I’m sure you’re great at it.”

“Don’t laugh, I am.”

“And anyway, you’ve got that beautiful, lush shoulder-length hair. In sales you’d probably have to cut it like a douche.”

“Probably.”

“It’s such rich shade of… mm, dark mahogany. Yeah. With, like, auburn highlights. Really hot.”

“I… guess. So you’re, what, in marketing?”

“Digital marketing, but yeah. How’d you know?”

“It’s because of how reserved and reticent you are.”

“I do tend to blurt things out. Helps in my line of work.”

“Must be nice, getting paid to say whatever pops into your head.”

“Keeps me busy. Not that I meet someone it works this well on very often.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just… you don’t mind me talking about you like this.”

“Naw.”

“So it’s no big deal no matter what I say.”

“I’m pretty laid back.”

“I can tell. Man, I can’t get over how handsome you are. Piercing blue eyes under dark eyebrows, excellent cheekbones, firm jaw… perfect warm tawny skin, a mouth you just want to kiss…”

“…Thanks?”

“You smell nice, too. Your scent is really masculine, but also subtly delicious, like a well-seasoned steak. What is that, Nautica? Bulgari?”

“I’m… not wearing any cologne.”

“I should have guessed. You sure you don’t mind me talking like this?”

“By this point I’m mostly amused.”

“Well, I have a thing for tall, handsome guys.”

“Clearly.”

“It doesn’t hurt that you’re obviously built like an Olympic swimmer and then some under the suit. Thick pecs, strong arms, cut eight-pack, great legs, round hard butt. You should be proud.”

“I am, actually. It took a lot of hard work.”

“Less for you than most, though. Right? You were buff before you even started working out, I can totally picture it.”

“Well—”

“And you clearly put on muscle easy if you want. You probably have to hold back, right, or you’ll get too big?”

“Yeah, kind of. I mostly work out for tone and definition these days.”

“And strength. You’re very strong.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Just a hunch.”

“I am pretty strong.”

“It’s a big turn-on, just knowing you’re twice as strong as you look.”

“I’ve heard that a few times.”

“I bet. And the best part is, you don’t act like you’re as hot as you are.”

“I’m… not that hot.”

“Uh huh. You’re hot as fuck, and you know it. You’re just not an asshole about it.”

“I guess. You’re not too bad looking either, by the way.”

“Thanks.”

“For a short guy.”

“Hey, I’m 6’3”.”

“Whatever, halfling. Take a compliment.”

“Thanks. I guess I’m good-looking enough. If you’re not tired of lanky, blond boyband types like I am.”

“I have nothing against boybands. As long as they’re just standing around looking pretty and not actually performing.”

“Hey, I said ‘boyband types’. I’m not actually in a boy band.”

“You could be, just sayin’.”

“Maybe I’ll try that if I get tired of marketing. And chatting up hot guys in elevators.”

“There you go. The look does work for you.”

“Thanks. I’m not one of those one-in-a-million four-armed guys everyone loves like you, though. Hey where do you get your suits, anyway?”

“Oh, uhh, there’s a tailor’s in the Battery that does this kind of stuff. Nice old lady, her son’s a four-armer.”

“Yeah?”

“There’s, I dunno, four or five of us in town that need business suits and dress shirts. Keeps them busy along with the regular-guy work.”

“I bet. You guys are always really good at your jobs, so you can afford nice suits like this. What about away from work? There must be tee shirts, v-necks, henleys, that kind of thing. Even in extra-tall.”

“Sure.”

“You probably mostly go shirtless away from work, though. Show off your hairy chest.”

“I guess, if it’s warm enough. I do have plenty of shirts. My two-armed brother keeps buying me funny tee shirts and stuff in my size, like I can’t find them myself.”

“He’s not jealous, though.”

“No, he’s great. He just sees four-armed stuff and thinks of me. He keeps sending me stuff about that four-armed Bollywood actor, too.”

“Oh… yeah, I’ve seen him. He’s pretty sexy.”

“Yeah.”

“Not as hot as you, but pretty hot.”

“Thanks.”

“What about at work? Are the other accounting guys jealous of you and your extra hands?”

“Naw. It’s not like I can type with four hands at once.”

“So then what do you do with the other two? Wink, wink.”

“That would be telling.”

“I mean, all four-armed guys have two giant footlong dicks, that’s what I heard. Is that what your other hands—?”

“Oh, stop with your smirking. Honestly, if I had a nickel for every time someone joked about what I was doing with my extra hands…”

“C’mon. You’ve got two wrist-thick dicks that are a foot long soft. Your tailor’s good, but it’s not like you can hide that bulge.”

“Yeah, well. It’s still work. What, do you molest yourself at your desk while you’re working?”

“Maybe I will today.”

“Hmm… I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“There’s that smile again. It’s extra-cute with the eye-roll.”

“Thanks.”

“So, should I take it from your earlier remarks about me not being hideous—”

“I said you’re not bad looking. And yeah, I’m bi.”

“Hah! So that means—”

“No jokes about one for girls and one for boys! Geez. I got plenty of that in high school.”

“I’ll bet that isn’t all you got plenty of.”

“Har, har.”

“It’s true, though, right? Four-armed guys like you have a pretty high libido. And, like, incredible stamina. You can cum ten times a night and you’re still blowing way more jizz than a regular guy on the last—aw, look, you’re blushing!”

“It’s, uh, not like I’m always talking about how much I jizz.”

“It is a lot, though.”

“Yeah.”

“Ever slip into the one-seater bathroom at work and, you know, take care of things?”

“Um, sometimes.”

“Awesome.”

“It can get—well, like you said. High libido.”

“Your team members are some of the best-looking people in the company. Super attractive.”

“True that. I have to admit, it’s distracting sometimes, working with them. Especially Chad, the fucker.”

“Sounds like a problem. I heard he’s extra twunky like me. Totally your type.”

“Unfortunately. I had to duck out twice this week just because of him.”

“Wow.”

“And he’s married, and his husband’s just as gorgeous. Comes by at lunch, they’re twice as hot together.”

“Unfair.”

“We’re working late tonight, too, big project. Just thinking about it—”

“I can imagine. So I gotta ask—when you sneak off to help yourself out, do you just use your hands, or—?”

“Or—? Oh. Yeah, I… use my mouth too. It’s, ummm, less messy that way. Why?”

“No reason. Oh, here’s your floor.”

“Yeah. Um, hey—”

“Trevor.”

“Aiden. Listen, Trevor, I gotta… ummm… and, honestly, it’s totally your fault…”

“You asking me for a hand? That’s ironic.”

“I’m… actually kind of asking you for a mouth.”

“Fuck. And that smile. Fine, lead the way. My mouth is all yours. And the rest of me with it.”

“I might take you up on that.”

“Hey, you must be the guy Aiden’s been seeing. Trevor, right? I’m Chad. Aiden and I work together in For-Acc.”

“Nice to meet you. Wow, firm handshake. You must be really strong, right?”

“I hold my own. Not that I can lift SUVs over my head or anything. Anyway, welcome officially to the first company-wide LGBT mixer. Hopefully it’ll become an annual June tradition.”

“It will, for sure. You have so many hot and friendly guy gays at your company—present company included. It’d be a shame not to gather all that sex appeal in one place every once in a while.”

“There do seem to be a lot of us.”

“I know you’re joking, but seriously. Half the people here could be models.”

“I know, right? It’s kind of uncanny. Not that I’m objecting. My husband keeps teasing me about it. Claims he’s going to quit his job as a math professor and come join me here where the sex-gods are. He wanted to come tonight just to scope out the panoply of hotness, but he’s got a summer session faculty meeting.”

“I’m sure the guys he works with are just as hot as they are here.”

“That’s what I keep telling him. I swear, every math class in that building is just students ogling their profs and TAs like that scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark.”

“Hah, see? You two have the sexy coworkers deal in common. ‘Course, you’ve got all of them beat. You’re easily the most attractive guy here.”

“I agree! And I’m the most modest about it, too.”

“Totally true. I mean, you’re so good-looking even straight guys get a little turned on just hanging around with you. Heck, those amazing emerald green eyes of yours have got me half-hard just standing here at the bar talking you to. And yet you’re not even a little cocky about any of it.”

“Hey, lots of guys are good-looking. Like you, for instance. You could totally be in a boy band. Just your perfectly round butt alone would get you in.”

“Heh, likewise. I bet you have the voice and the moves for it, too, as well as the looks. And you totally rock the blond spiky hair with golden highlights thing. Though you’re a bit more hairy-chested and naturally muscular than you usually get in groups like that. And not a lot of boy-banders are six-and-a-half feet tall like you are, so…”

“True, alas. Guess I’ll have to stick with forensic accounting. Have you been seeing Aiden long?”

“Six… weeks, I think? It’s been pretty intense, so I’ve kind of lost track. We made a pact that we had to talk to other people at this mixer or else we’d end up ducking into the broom closet or something. But, truth is, even knowing he’s across the room I kind of miss being near him.”

“Sounds like you’re sliding into boyfriend territory.”

“Uh, well… I’m not sure I should… say.”

“Understandable. I remember when Nolan and I were first seeing each other. It was like the passion just sort of took over our lives. We came up for air one day and we realized it was three months in and we were basically living together.”

“Exactly. I thought it would just be a little fun—you know, hot four-armed guy, nice smile, great hair, a couple of big—well, you know what they say about four-armers.”

“Yeah? I kind of suspected with Aiden, but… yeah? It’s really a thing?”

“It is a thing. A huge thing, actually. A couple of huge things.”

“Nice.”

“I mean, it’s not really a secret. It’s on the Wikipedia page for four-armers and everything.”

“True. Still, I have to admit I’m slightly envious. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, and I love his sweet, beautiful cock, but… the chance to wrap my mouth around anything quite that big hasn’t ever really come my way.”

“Yeah, but, come on, Chad. We can see all you have two thumbs per hand. Everyone agrees it’s one of the sexiest attributes a guy can have.”

“I’ve heard that, actually. More than a few times, to be honest.”

“Naturally. And you know what being double-thumbed also means.”

“That… I could help Nolan teach base-12 math?”

“It means you can make your dick as long and thick as you want it to be. That’s on the Wikipedia page, too. Common knowledge.”

“True, but… I mean, it takes concentration, and there are—”

“Which means you can’t tell me you don’t know what the head of that massive dong you’re unsuccessfully hiding in those snug new jeans of yours tastes like.”

“Well, yeah. I mean, you should see the subthreads on Reddit, apparently every double-thumb guy tries it at least once. And some of us… But, philosophically speaking, the experience of tasting your own huge dick can’t be the same as that of tasting someone else’s huge dick.”

“Seems like it would be pretty close, though.”

“No pun intended.”

“Heh. Yeah, no pun intended. Great smirk, by the way, very sexy.”

“Thanks. And, as you said, likewise.”

“Thanks back. Anyway, you might still have a shot at it. The ‘someone else’s huge dick’ thing.”

“How so? You’re, uh, not suggesting a husband-swap situation or anything, right? Because—”

“No, not that. But—wait, how long have you and Nolan been together?”

“A year and three months, plus change. We got married in January. Why?”

“Hmm. That should be just enough time.”

“For what?”

“It’s just that I read an article in this obscure medical journal that proved that most partners of double-thumb guys start slowly taking on their partners’ cock growth abilities after an extended period of, well, sustained cum reception.”

“Reception? Cum… reception?”

“I forget what word they actually used. But, you know, cum… reception. Receiving cum. I’m sure I don’t need to diagram the various scenarios.”

“No. And an ‘extended period’ being…?”

“The average across cohorts was just under sixteen months.”

“Hmm. You said ‘most’, though?”

“Well, there are certain indicators. What’s Nolan’s ethnic background?”

“His parents are both from Ireland. Does that mean anything?”

“Actually, it does. Partners of Celtic descent are pretty much certain to gain the ability, and sometimes sooner than most other groups.”

“Uh huh. You’re totally making this up, right? No one’s mentioned anything like this online.”

“You tell me in a month or two. Anyway, I think it’s a relatively recent mutation. And would you let people know your cum might give them cock growth powers?”

“Pfft. I already get enough attention as it is. I’m curious, though, why were you reading this little-known medical journal? I thought Aiden said you were in digital marketing.”

“I dunno, why do you think I was reading it?”

“Maybe… you were digging for stuff about four-armers and you found this along the way. In fact, I’ll bet the article said there’s an effect like that for four-armers, too, am I right?”

“Yeah? What kind of effect?”

“Well, I’m guessing it would be the counterpart of what happens with us double-thumbers. Like, if you swallow a four-armer’s cum every day (on average) for a month, your own dick starts to widen until it gets twice as wide, then it splits into two big, beautiful dicks.”

“Wow, that’s specific. And kinda hot.”

“So am I right?”

“I am so tempted to say you are.”

“Come on, that’s not an answer.”

“Fine. Yes, what you say about four-armers is true. Though the dick-doubling thing only happens with… um, fifteen percent of the four-armed population.”

“And he’s totally in that fifteen percent, though, right? I know he is. He’s definitely done it to you, right?”

“What the—? I’m not… I’m not telling. And stop trying to stare through my pants like you can see through them, or I’ll rat you out to your husband.”

“He’d be staring, too. We’ve both had little fantasies about you and Aiden.”

“What?”

“We’ve seen the two you ducking out at lunchtime. And he comes back looking very, um, flushed. Flushed and happy. You make a handsome couple, too. Actually, ‘handsome’ doesn’t even cover it.”

“Wow. I’d say we should sell tickets, but I really want to keep Aiden to myself.”

“Don’t worry, he never looks at anyone like he looks at you. And, as you know, there’s a lot to look at around here. So are the other rumors about four-armers true, then?”

“What other rumors?”

“I dunno, like… four-armers can cum twenty times a day, always a huge amount of cum every time. And they keep growing a tiny bit taller every year even into their thirties, which is why a lot of them get to be over seven feet. And some are, like, seven-foot-six or more, like Aiden. And their tongues are all extra-long and kind of stretchy. And—”

“Wait, wait, stop! How are you—?”

“How am I—?”

“Ohhhhh, wait, no way. Oh, shit…”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just… have to remember to be careful how I word things. Look, no more new truths about four-armers, okay? Otherwise I’ll have to retaliate with some of the weird things they say about double-thumbers.”

“Yeah? Bring it on. What do they say about us?”

“Well, I suppose I might as well tell you this one. From what I heard, very few people know this, but double-thumbers can train themselves to see through things. Like, just to take a random example, other peoples’ clothes.”

“Just for an example.”

“Hah, that smirk again. But yeah, other people’s clothes. Which would explain why your eyes keep boring into my crotch like you’re trying to see my cocks. If I even had more than one, that is.”

“Which you do. Nice, big ones, too. Yowzah.”

“Hmph. So that rumor checks out, I guess.”

“It does. And I’ve been practicing since middle school, so…”

“I’ll bet.”

“Wow, yours are pretty big. My guess is, your guy Aiden got an extra-extra-strong helping of that four-armer cum-potency cock-mitosis thing.”

“Extra-strong? Er, mph. Fuck. I… don’t know what you mean.”

“Well, if you don’t already know that you have three huge dicks now thanks to taking all that extra-extra-strong four-armer jizz, I’m not going to tell you. We double-thumbers know how to keep our secrets.”

“Right. Look, there’s no such thing as extra-extra-strong four-armer cum-potency cock multiplication, okay?”

“The evidence suggests otherwise.”

“What? Damn, that should have worked.”

“What should have—?”

“Now what do I do? I suppose I could roll back the last five minutes, but that seems like a very bad idea, and—”

“Sorry, I’m not—”

“Fuck, I guess I’ll just have to live with having three oversized wangs now. Thanks, Chad.”

“Don’t thank me, thank your boyfriend!”

“Heh. I guess I should. At least the cock multiplication only happens once.”

“Actually, I heard—”

“It only. Happens. Once.

“Okay! I guess not all the hearsay about four-armers are true. Or about double-thumbers.”

“Fair enough. Though… I did hear that double-thumbers are, hands down, the most talented and passionate kissers and cocksuckers on the planet. That’s what the rumors say, anyway.”

“We are… next to four-armers, that is. At least, that’s what I heard.”

“Oh my god. I, uh, I gotta go find my man. It was nice finally meeting you, Chad.”

“Same here, Trev.”

“Say ‘hi’ to Nolan for me. And—dude, when I’m walking away, do not stare through my clothes at my perfect boy-bander butt.”

“No promises. See you around!”

“Hey, Trevor, thanks for coming over and meeting with me. We’re really looking forward to working with your company. I’m Ned, the CEO. We spoke on the phone?”

“Hi, Ned, it’s—oh!”

“Yeah, I get that reaction a lot. Not a lot of four-armers out there who are also double-thumbers, so I do tend to grab people’s attention a bit. You’ll get used to it.”

“Maybe! I guess I knew there had to be some overlap between the two groups. They’re very nice, by the way. The arms and the thumbs. Well-shaped and very attractive. You must get complimented on your arms all the time, what with you wearing sleeveless tees like that.”

“Thank you. I do have regular dress shirts, but—well, there was an employee petition, and, so, here we are.”

“No doubt. From your accent I’m guessing you’re from—?”

“The Netherlands, that’s right. Utrecht.”

“That explains it. There’s a slightly higher concentration of both four-armers and double-thumbers there. Or so I hear.”

“That’s true. I went to uni with three other four-and-doubles. It was insane! No one could concentrate around us. The profs asked us to hide our thumbs in our fists, just because everyone always stared at them.”

“Understandable. Like I was telling my fiancé’s double-thumber colleague, Chad, a while back, everyone agrees it’s one of the sexiest attributes a guy can have. Were your three uni buddies all gorgeous, lanky, flaxen-haired hunks like you are?”

“Well, the gorgeous and hunky thing is subjective, but, blond, yes. And I sure thought they were hot. Maybe there’s something about mixing four-armedness and double-thumbedness, like our friends always said. Thanks for the flattery, though.”

“No problem. I have a bit of a kink for guys that are incredibly attractive and know it but don’t get stuck up about it, like you.”

“P’shaw. You’re quite adorable as well, you know. For a cheeky puppy.”

“Jeez, just because I’m only six-foot-six…”

“That’s still pretty tall for you little two-armed folk, I’m told.”

“If I’m not standing next to one of you smirking bastards. What are you, seven-foot-four?”

“About that. You must be used to it, though, right? Your financé is a four-armer as well, isn’t he?”

“How did you—? Oh. Right.”

“Sorry, man. I mean, it is common knowledge we double-thumbers can see through things, and we try not to be too invasive, but—come on, you have to expect it with a package like that. Honestly, even without the see-through vision it’s kind of obvious you’re packing a good deal more than most guys there.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s kind of my own fault. I said something to Chad once without thinking, and—well, even I find double-thumbers distracting.”

“Is that right? Interesting.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Jeez.”

“Ha ha, I promise to only use my distraction powers for good.”

“And your promises always happen—the way—shit, I mean, I can tell you always keep your promises.”

“Sorry, that was an unintentional distraction. I do keep my promises, though sometimes I can’t help derailing people’s thoughts by accident.”

“Huh. I, uh, see you also don’t mind talking about… carnal things.”

“Like cocks and balls? To be honest, when you’re like me the topic just sort of comes up. No pun intended.”

“Hah.”

“I’m curious though, and since we’re on the subject—do you really hate having three huge, thick cocks like that?”

“What do you think? I mean, they do get in the way sometimes. And it kind of spoils the cute boyband guy look I’ve got going.”

“No way. I promise you you are the cutest, hottest boybander ever. And the most talented.”

“No, I only meant that I look like a—fuu-u-uck, what did you do?”

“What do you mean? I have to admit I was surprised the digital marketing lead for our companies’ joint venture turned out to be boyband hottie Trevor Copeland!”

“Um—”

“Ex-boybander, I guess I should say, since LoveHeat broke up last year. Were you mobbed on the way in?”

“Are you kidding? I had to take thirty Picthread selfies just make it to building security. And ten more with them! Dude, what the heck did you—?”

“I bet. Is that why you’re shirtless? Showing off that tight torso and that famous six-pack must be routine for you by now, I guess—if a little daring in a corporate conference room.”

“I—um—”

“Especially one with glass walls.”

“Ned, dude, what—”

“And extra-powerful air-conditioning. And you say I’m distracting! Still, if anyone can get away with the shirtless thing, you can.”

“I—I swear I had a shirt. A nice one, that blue long-sleeve tee Aiden likes—shit, I think a bunch of my fans pulled it off me on the way in.”

“Just as well. Part of the life, I imagine.”

“No, but, I had a shirt. I mean, I have a shirt!”

“You don’t have a shirt on, though. At the moment, anyway.”

“I do, I—”

“Anyway, what’s the worry? It works for you. No shirts is totally your thing, I promise.”

“Wh—? Shit. Shit! What did—?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I—nothing, I just… I have no shirts. At all. Closets, empty. Bureau drawers, nada.”

“Hah, I’m not surprised.”

“No, seriously, I can’t even put on a shirt. Someone always pulls it right off me! I haven’t worn a shirt for more than a minute since high school!”

“Lucky us.”

“This is… do you even know—?”

“Know what?”

“I—okay, I’m just going to let it go. Engaging only seems to make it worse, that’s what got me in trouble last time.”

“Trev, what are you talking about?”

“Nothing, nothing. So, uh, any other perks to being a four-and-double?”

“Heh, just the usual. Though I’m sure there are stories.”

“Definitely.”

“Well, then. Tell me what you’ve heard, and I’ll let you know whether it’s true or not.”

“Hmm, let’s see. Bilocation?”

“What’s that? It sounds intriguing.”

“Well, the story is, four-and-doubles can bilocate—meaning, they temporarily manifest a copy of themselves. One that can operate independently, or with the same will as the original.”

“Oh, that. I just call it duping. Yeah, we can do that. It comes in handy when it’s busy here and I can make some extra me’s for a few hours to bring down the workload.”

“I’ll bet.”

“Or, you know, if I need a shoulder massage. Like so.”

“Wow, that’s—shit. Two of you are definitely… extra distracting.”

“You know, Trev, you look like you could use a massage, too.”

“I—oh, man. Damn, that’s almost as good as when Aiden does it. I swear, four-armers must have an innate talent for massage.”

“I admit, it does seem to come naturally.”

“You’re so trying to get on my good side for the deal.”

“Just being a good host. Your turn! You have to tell me if the stories about you are true.”

“Okay, don’t believe anything you read on E! News. Seriously, anything.”

“Ha. What about that video that was on TMZ a while back, though?”

“Which video?”

“You know, the one with you making out with Shawn Mendes?”

“That was a dare.”

“Or the one where you’re performing at Wembley and you’re, like, actually floating two feet off the stage during ‘You Make Me Soar’? I always wondered about that.”

“Actually it’s just—”

“Most people say it’s just special effects, but it’s pretty clear in the video there’s no harnesses or stage-lifts or anything. You were totally floating.”

“There’s no video like that.”

“I promise you, there is.”

“What—stop doing that!”

“The shoulder massage? I can—”

“No, don’t stop doing that. I mean—okay, let it go, Trev, don’t engage.”

“So, the floating?”

“Yeah, okay, I can do that, but—look, it’s kind of a secret.”

“A secret… seen by 90,000 fans at Wembley.”

“Who mostly thought it was effects, like you said. Anyway, I didn’t mean to. I never do it in public, usually it takes an effort, but I guess sometimes if I’m feeling really good and not concentrating…”

“Like, now?”

“Huh—? Shit. Focus, Trev! Sorry, this is, um, a pretty nice massage.”

“Mine too. So is it mainly like that? Floating an inch or two off your seat when you get a good shoulder-rub, occasionally losing track and getting caught up in stage euphoria, that kind of thing?”

“Pretty much. It’s not like I can do a Superman and fly you to the clouds. Though I admit it does help when I need to look one of you giant four-armers in the eye.”

“Heh. I bet it makes fucking one more interesting, too. And acrobatic.”

“Uh, yeah. Getting a little relief from gravity does… help. Wow. Yeah, it definitely helps.”

“Aw, you’re blushing. Must be some good memories in there. Your Aiden is one lucky guy.”

“Pretty sure I’m the lucky one, but thanks.”

“Okay, my turn. Tell me something else they say about four-and-doubles.”

“Wait. Actually, can we stop the shoulder massage after all? With that and all the sexy talk, I’m starting to get—I mean, I have good control mostly but this is pretty intense, and you already saw how huge they are—”

“I see what you mean. Okay, Neds, massages ended! Go about your business.”

“Uh, okay, thanks, but… well, having your dupes making out in a corner like that instead isn’t much help.”

“The thing is, I can’t merge them back into me until four hours have passed, so…”

“Oh.”

“Anyway, you’ll barely notice. My assistant, Hank, is almost totally used to it. Though he still blushes like that sometimes, too. So cute. Now, go on. Something juicy.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Ha ha, do your worst!”

“With all this Nedness going on, how can I? Though… okay, maybe this will help. So, here’s what I heard: four-and-doubles can totally shapeshift at will into anyone they want to look like.”

“You mean like this?”

“Holy—shit. Is that what I look like? I thought whatever you picked would be less distracting, but…”

“I told you, Trev, you are amazingly good-looking and very, very sexy.”

“I kind of want to make out with you really badly. Does that make me a narcissist?”

“Just insanely attractive. Tell you what, the shapeshift thing lasts for four hours, too, and my schedule’s cleared for the rest of the afternoon, so… what do you say we go find your guy Aiden and see what he thinks?”

“Fuck, I’m so horny that almost sounds like a good idea. Do you think he’ll go for it?”

“I promise.”

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