Cocklympics: Javelin

by TreborNawoc   

Jevelin contestants vie for the gold at the 32nd Cocklympiad.

R– “Good morning and welcome back to the coverage of this year’s Cocklympic Games. You join us here in beautiful Hawaii, the hosts for the 32nd Cocklympiad, as we kick off today’s programme with one of the most popular events—the Javelin Throw.

“Hi! I’m Ronan Jacobson, your commentator today, and I’m joined by Anton Jupitus; former Cocklympian and 5 times Gold Medal Champion Javelinist. Anton—thank you for joining us today.”

A– “It’s my pleasure, Ronan, and what a pleasure it is to be here in the gorgeous Hawaiian Islands for what has been a spectacular Cocklympics so far.”

R– “That’s right. The sun is shining, the sea is crystal clear, and the stadium is full in what promises to be a day of wonder.”

“Anton—before we cross over to the field to take in the sights of this year’s competitors, why don’t we just explain what our viewers back home are going to see today?”

A– “Well, Ronan, our viewers are going to see an amazing display of athleticism, coordination, accuracy and total control from some of the best men in their field. The skill needed to even compete at the Javelin takes years of training and a complete mastery of your own body. It also needs a certain length of cock to begin with and that’s why it didn’t feature until the 14th Cocklympiad in Nairobi.”

R– “Ah yes, the games that really captured the imagination of the public and launched the Cocklympics into the popular event it is today. I’ve heard that watching those games was what inspired you to become a Cockthlete?”

A– “It was, it was. Seeing that first Javelin throw really captured my soul and that day I decided that’s where I’m going to be.”

R– “So tell us what it takes to be a good Javelinist at a Cocklympics. What do you need to do to win a Gold?”

A– “As you know, the Javelin event consists of three phases, all of which are judged meticulously.

“The first phase is ‘the Lengthening Element’. This is where competitors loosen up their cock and get as long as they can, without getting overly long or losing control. I’ve seen many amateur Javelinists losing their cool at this point and blowing the competition before it’s even started.

“The next phase is ‘the Hardening Element’. This is probably the most difficult part and needs the most delicate control of your blood flow and breathing. Competitors harden the end of their cock whilst leaving the rest to be flaccid. The hard part must not be any shorter than 2.6 metres, 8 foot 6 inches and must not be any longer than 2.7 metres, 8 foot 10 inches, in length. Additionally, the ‘Javelin’ portion must remain erect until the end of the throwing element. Once the length has been checked and approved, a spear-point condom is attached to the end to ensure that no damage is done to the cock-head. After all, who wants dirt in their third eye?!”

R– “Ha ha ha, very true. Does this affect the weight and balance?”

A– “It does, slightly. But with training you get used to this. A few less-experienced Cockthletes have tried to go au natural, but their injuries speak from themselves and that’s why the International Cocklympic Committee decided to enforce this rule.

“Finally, we come to ‘the Throwing Element’. This is where our viewers in the stadium and at home will get to see a demonstration of some incredible cock control with some of the longest cocks on the planet. The Javelinist will carry their hardened ‘javelin’ in their strong hand and hold the coils of their cock in their weaker hand. They take a run up, release both hands and allow the cock to soar through the air and dig in to the ground. At that point the adjudicators measure the distance and the throw with the longest distance wins.”

R– “You make it sound easy, Anton, but I’m sure that the 6 young men who have made it through to the final round aren’t thinking that right now. You can see them coming out to the field just now...”

“There’s Markku Korhonen of Finland, winner of the Silver Medal at last year’s games and a favourite to win this year.”

A– “He’s very good and has a great technique, but he almost lost his cool at the qualifiers yesterday.”

R– “Lubanzi Opeyemi of Nigeria follows. He has great form and strength, but I’ve heard that can be a weakness too...”

A– “Strength can be an advantage to a point, but without control it can lead to a difficult aim and release. But he did well yesterday, placing second overall.”

R– “Zhi Wei of China comes next. What an incredible height he is...”

A– “At 7 foot 4 inches, almost two and a quarter metres tall, he’s one of the tallest men at this year’s Cocklympics”-

R– “I believe only Ben Van Ophoven from the Netherlands and Aldiyar Karimov of Kazakhstan are taller, both competitors in Pole Vault and Weight Lifting respectively”-

A– “Although neither Ben nor Aldiyar have Wei’s length of cock. You can see that is a staggering length even before the start of the event. But look at this...”

R– “Yes. There is the distinctive form of the Peruvian, Danilo Francisco. In a competition renowned for pushing the boundaries of the penis, Danilo is one of those who have managed to take a rather unique track.”

A– “Definitely unique. I wonder if he will select his other cock to throw after claiming third place at the qualifiers yesterday.”

R– “And bringing up the rear, together, are Jarod Kapaernik of the United States and Dafydd ap Ieuan, the Welshman representing Team GB.”

A– “Both respectable cockthletes, but they’ve got some tough competition today. I think both were lucky that Kenji Akai and Aravind Patil had unfortunate mistakes yesterday.”

R– “Oh I agree. Kenji is normally a stoic person, but during the lengthening element he just lost his cool and ended up cumming all over the preparation area. Although, had admittedly it was an impressive amount of cum that he produced.”

A– “Impressive is an understatement, I think. He produced enough to keep a small sperm bank going for a year. But as unfortunate as Kenji’s situation was, it was a shame for Aravind.”

R– “Oh that was a shame. But sadly, he fell foul of the rules about the length of the hardened area and ended up over by three-quarters of an inch. I must admit, seeing that singular tear from his eye knowing how close he had come to being the first Indian to place in the Javelin was enough to make a grown man cry.”

“Well, as the competitors start warming up, we quickly take a look at what’s coming up later today.

“At 10 a.m. local time today we have the Fencing heats where Marcel du Pont is hoping to finally win a Gold after many years of Silver, followed by the Hockey Finals at 11:30 a.m. where Canada face Iceland. 1 p.m. takes us out to the Kapalua Plantation where Terence Carter will tee off first in the golf. Finally, at 4 p.m. we will be back in the stadium for the Pole Vaulting where the almost 8-foot-tall Dutchman, Ben Van Ophoven will be aiming to break his own world record.”

A– “What a day of great sport we have lined up for you. And it looks like our javelinists are taking their places for the first of the three elements this morning.”

R– “And their off! Anton, can you talk us through this crucial part of the event?”

A– “Sure thing, Ronan. So, the lengthening is important because you need to have enough cock available so that when you throw your ‘javelin’ it doesn’t instantly fall to the ground. But, too much cock and the ‘javelin’ will be out of control and could even be weighed down. A good javelinist will be able to continue lengthening their cock after the throw to allow a good result, but that is a skill in itself.”

R– “Zhi Wei is already off to a good start, lengthening his cock steadily and gathering it into a coil at his feet. Although he did have an advantage before he started, with his resting length being over 5 feet, 1.5 metres long.”

A– “It’s one of the effects of dedicating your life to the Javelin—your cock will rarely be less than 3 feet long at rest”-

R– “As I can see from you, Anton. That’s quite the length you have relaxing next to me.”

A– “Well, you know how it is. Once you grow a muscle you want to make sure people can appreciate it too.”

R– “Well it’s certainly appreciated here. Ahem. Back to the field, we can see that Danilo Francisco has decided to lengthen his right cock, having used his left cock in the qualifiers yesterday, and it’s certainly causing a reaction on the field. Dafydd ap Ieuan has started to stroke his 10 pack abs in an effort to control his emotions at this delicate time, and Lubanzi Opeyemi has turned his back to Danilo to focus his concentration, giving us a great view of his perfect peach.”

A– “The competitors are showing tremendous control here. No repeats of Kenji’s incident from yesterday so far, and we’ve just been told that all 6 have now passed the 10 feet, 3 metre mark. Still a bit to go here as they will ideally need to pass 30 feet or 9 metres to really achieve some distance on the throw.”

R– “It is hard to imagine that only 30 odd years ago hearing about men’s cocks passing 3 feet would be seen as some sort of pornographic fantasy but here we are witnessing hundreds of men taking part in these games for whom 3 feet would be seen as a tiny cock.”

A– “It’s an incredible thing, Ronan. As someone who has experienced the feeling of control that Cock Training brings to all aspects of your life, I would say to anyone who is thinking about it to grab it with both hands and go at it with everything you’ve got.”

R– “A lovely sentiment, Anton. Incidentally, what is the longest you’ve managed to achieve? Actually, we’ll come back to that as it looks like we’re reaching the final minute of the Lengthening Element.

“Zhi has settled himself at 34 feet, 10.3 metres and is now just looking down at the other 5 competitors. Jarod Kapaernik is trying his best, but he is yet to reach the 30 feet mark, as is Markku Korhonen of Finland.”

A– “It looks like Danilo Francisco is the next to pass 30 feet, settling on 32 feet 7 inches or just under 10 metres. However, it looks like his other cock has lengthened slightly too. I’m not sure that bodes well for him for the later stages as he needs to stay in control for the next two elements.”

R– “Lubanzi Opeyemi is next, reaching 30 feet 1 inch, or just over 9 metres. His level of control is good, and he will certainly have a game plan. However, Markku Korhonen has settled on 30 feet exactly, like an absolute pro. He knows exactly what he wants to achieve, although he took a bit longer than normal to reach it.”

A– “Coming in just as the timer reaches zero, Kapaernik of USA settles on 29 feet 11 inches, not a disadvantage yet, and ap Ieuan of Team GB has a last minute spurt finishing on 33 feet 2 inches, or just over 10 metres. That loss of control at the end might come back to haunt him.

“And now, with all 6 competitors making it through the first element, they pick up their cocks and move over to the Hardening area.”

R– “And the whistle blows. The competitors now have 5 minutes to get the tip of their cocks hard, without exceeding or going under the length of hardened penis set by the ICC. Anton, as we watch the competitors taking different approaches what are your best tips for getting the perfect ‘javelin’?”

A– “It’s all about the touch and feel. Too much and you risk going completely hard, not enough and you simply get longer and longer without ever hardening. The trick is control. Normally when a man strokes his penis to get hard, it will get erect from the base working its way to the tip. But we don’t want that here—we want the exact opposite.

“So, I like to use small, soft, sensual strokes. Starting at the head, letting it engorge with blood, then start working your way down the shaft, stroking with both hands in a grip that’s neither tight nor loose. Never getting faster, never slowing down. Just steadily working along until you reach the point that you’ve grown so accustomed to reaching over the years. Continuing to stroke as the tip of your cock becomes rock hard, straight as a die and ready to plunge deep into the...”

R– “Oh... Uh...”

A– “Sorry. I got a little distracted there.”

R– “It’s fine, although I’ll need to get changed after this. As will quite a few of our viewers I think, and they can’t see the demonstration you’ve just given me. However, they can see the incredible specimens of manhood on the field each using an entirely different technique.

“Opeyemi is using all his strength and beating that meat like there’s no tomorrow. He’ll need to be careful as he doesn’t want to overdo it before the measurements are taken—much as some in the crowd are chanting for him to go on. Indeed, many of the crowd now have their own cocks out, stroking themselves in time with the Nigerian.

“Dafydd ap Ieuan looks as though he’s picked up your method Anton, although whether his earlier loss of control will affect him again is to be seen.”

A– “True, although he does look as though he’s regained his composure. Jarod Kapaernik from Team USA is using his tongue as well as his hands, similar to how Kris Dunston of Australia used to do it before he retired two years ago. Hopefully he won’t make his shaft too slick as a slippy cock isn’t what you want for the throw.”

R– “Danilo Francisco, the double-cocked Peruvian, is actually using his other cock along with his hands. Maybe there was a method to his madness when he allowed his left cock to lengthen slightly along with his right one?”

A– “Maybe. Although I still think he may come in to difficulty later on. Zhi Wei is steadily stroking his cock in an almost military fashion—no emotion, no deviation, just complete focus. But look at Markku Korhonen...”

R– “Incredible! He’s... he’s...”

A– “He’s using his cock control to harden it without even touching it. That takes a special level of control to achieve and it’s clear that he has spent the past year working on this new technique just for the finals.”

R– “He didn’t do it that way yesterday, Anton. Perhaps he decided to save it to the final as a way to psych out the other competitors?”

A– “Again, based on his performance yesterday, a risky strategy. But there goes the whistle again, and it’s time for the measuring.”

R– “The officials have the measuring stick with those two all-important marks on it. Will we see a repeat of yesterday where Aravind Patil of India fell at the last hurdle due to overhardening or as happened to Johannes Beck of Austria who failed to maintain his erection?”

A– “I hope not. These six contenders will definitely make for an interesting competition, and I hope all of them make it through to the Throwing Element.”

R– “Well it’s a tense moment here. A hush has come over the stadium. No-one wants to be a distraction as the officials check the lengths of these magnificent cocks.

“...”

A– “...”

R– “It looks like... yes... yes! That’s a thumbs up from the senior official. All six have managed to pass the Hardening Element. The stadium breathes a collective sigh of relief as it looks like we will get to see a display of some of the longest cocks on the planet.”

A– “A tense moment, Ronan. I remember my first time. I was so worried that I could feel my erection subsiding and I had to concentrate to keep hard through the nerves. But luck has smiled on these amazing specimens of men, and we’ll get to see the real competition start.”

R– “As their spearpoint condoms are fitted by the officials, we can tell you that the running order will be based on yesterday, with the lowest placed going first working up to the highest placed. Unlike the Olympics version of this sport, using an actual javelin instead of demonstrating incredible cock control, each competitor gets one throw. The competitor with the shortest distance, or any competitor who has a fault, is eliminated. Then another round takes place, and another, and so on until we are left with a clear winner.”

A– “First up is the young Welshman, Dafydd ap Ieuan. He takes a good run up, building up speed, holding his cock above his right shoulder and... release...

“... it soars through the sky at a good angle...”

“... and plants securely in the ground.”

R– “That was just past the 40 metre mark. A solid throw, but not a great distance for this level of competition.”

A– “No, Ronan. He just couldn’t lengthen his cock fast enough there and his javelin was being held back. But it was better than yesterday, so that is an improvement. He has a lot of potential this young man, and it’s only his second Cocklympiad.”

R– “We’re just waiting on the judges telling us... 41.2 metres or just over 135 feet. In any other case that would be an incredible length for a cock, but in this event that might just not be long enough.”

A– “You can see it on his face as he reels his cock back in. He’s not happy with that. But he has a bright future, even if he doesn’t make it on to the podium this morning.”

R– “Next up we have Jarod Kapaernik from Team USA. He starts off with a solid run up, another right hand cock hold and... it’s away... oh no!”

A– “Oh no!”

R– “What happened there, Anton?”

A– “Looking at the replay it looks like he didn’t release the rest of his coiled length from his left hand in time, Ronan. Such a basic mistake, but one that’s easy to do under pressure at an event like this. It caused his cock to pull up short, and because it didn’t dig in that’s counted as a fault and automatic knock out.”

R– “Such a shame for Jarod. This is the second year in a row that he’s reached the final and failed to reach the podium, last year being knocked into fourth by a stunning throw by Alexei Andropov of Russia who sneaked in to take Gold.”

A– “He’s dejected, Ronan. His shoulders are down and he’s just going through the motions as he pulls his cock back in. Even if it did dig in, it wasn’t a great distance—under 30 metres really isn’t long enough at world class level. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but he is young, and I don’t doubt that we’ll see him again next year.”

R– “You’re right, Anton. He does have a fantastic talent, and it will be great to see what he can achieve in the future. With his cock now reeled in, the officials are leading him off to the relief area where a team of experts will help him release all that pent up energy.”

A– “I have to say, having experienced it for many years, it is one of the best bits about the competition, although I’m sure in Jarod’s case it will be tinged with a bit of disappointment. Still, those guys are experts at helping you relax and just let everything go. They’re as well-oiled as a rowing team and the pleasure you feel as dozens of hands start to work out all the tension in your cock is unforgettable.”

R– “Well, as Jarod is helped off the field—oh that’s nice, the audience in the stadium are giving him an applause—we look at our next javelinist. Markku Korhonen of Finland is a regular at the Cocklympics, competing in the last 5 years, but never being able to achieve his dream of getting a Gold. He almost managed it last year, but as with Jarod Kapaernik his dreams were shattered by Andropov and he had to settle for Silver. You’ve thrown against him, Anton—what is he like?”

A– “He’s a consummate professional, Ronan. His training regime is extremely exacting, and he doesn’t let his standards slip. He also has a cockiness that’s well earned—after all, we are looking at one of the longest cocks on the planet, so he deserves to be a little arrogant. He has specialised in control, something that I personally think is the key to being a good javelinist. We saw it earlier when he hardened his cock without even touching it and we’ll see it with his throw too.”

R– “It does seem to be the event where length is important, and as a 5 times Gold Medal Champion I’ve seen the length that your own cock can reach. Now that you’re retired, do you still keep up with training?”

A– “To be honest, I retired because I decided I wanted to try out new things and explore even more areas of bodily control and growth. But I still train as hard as I used to.”

R– “For the folks back home, I can guarantee that Anton is just as toned as you saw him at the 30th Cocklympiad, if not a bit more.”

A– “Well, that’s very kind of you to say.”

R– “Down on the field, Markku Korhonen is taking his place at the end of the runway—amazingly, it looks as though his cock is floating in mid-air!”

A– “That’s what I told you. Markku has been concentrating on control. An expert cockthlete can move their cock just using the muscles in their shaft, as you’ll see with the Weight Lifters later today.”

R– “Markku has lifted his cock up above his left shoulder bringing his hand up to hold it. The reel of his cock is held in his right hand.”

A– “Yes. The rules state that the ‘javelin’ must be held and thrown by one of the hands. Markku’s technique looks familiar to the one I used, but it’s not an easy one to learn. Clearly he has been training even harder for this year’s games.”

R– “And he’s off to a good start... Incredible speed on that run...”

A– “Faster than some of the sprinters...”

R– “And release...”

“... that’s got a good angle...”

A– “His cock is lengthening nicely, perfectly in sync to match the speed of the ‘javelin’...”

R– “... and it’s in! Wow! What a throw...”

A– “You can say that again. An amazing throw. Markku has just put himself out there as the one to beat this year.”

R– “We’re just waiting on the officials... and... yes... 77.4 metres, just shy of 254 feet. Not quite record breaking, but still an incredibly clean throw.”

A– “It’s close to the top 25 though, Ronan, and that’s awesome for a first throw. He’s maintaining his composure perfectly, but inside he’ll be very happy with that result.”

R– “And, as if to assert his dominance, he’s once again not using his hands as his cock begins to reel in by itself.”

A– “He needs to keep on top of that, Ronan. He might be in control now, but once the pressure starts to pile on later, he will need to be on top of his emotions.”

R– “Next up we have Danilo Franciso of Peru, probably the most unique competitor in this field.”

A– “I can’t say I’ve met many men with more than one cock, and definitely haven’t met another javelinist, so Danilo is breaking through at this year’s games. Some sports lend themselves to having an extra cock, but today we will see whether that also applies to Javelin.”

R– “As we mentioned earlier, Danilo is using his right cock today having used his left cock yesterday. Will that make a difference, Anton?”

A– “It certainly will, Ronan. Javelinists train for years to get their cock to the size, shape and length that they need to compete in such a demanding sport. Just like the players on the Hockey Teams who spend years strengthening their cocks to the point that they could punch through steel, a Javelinist needs to build their cock and the rest of the body around it. Switching cocks might seem like a good idea at first, but unless he’s trained both of them to the same level it could be a huge mistake.”

R– “And we should point out that Danilo only grew his second cock 3 years ago. Although we don’t know which one was his original, as he keeps that a closely guarded secret.

“Well, that’s interesting. Certainly, a new technique being shown off there. Is that allowed in the rules, Anton?”

A– “It certainly is, although I don’t think it’s ever been demonstrated in such a way. Danilo using his left cock to hold up the reel of his right cock rather than using his free arm. He’s going to need to have good reflexes to release at the right time or else we could see a repeat of Jarod Kapaernick.”

R– “He’s running up—a strange gait due to both of his cocks getting in the way of his legs...”

A– “He’s not building up much speed. That could cost him...”

R– “... and it’s away... oh, that’s not a good angle...”

A– “No, but it’s still going... and... it’s in! That looks like enough of a distance to keep him in the competition, but he won’t be taking Gold or Silver like that.”

R– “The Officials have confirmed the length as 51.9 metres, just over 170 feet. A better throw that the UK’s effort, but not by much. He doesn’t look too happy.”

A– “No, I think he thought his technique might have helped, but as he uses his left cock to pull his right cock in you can see his arms hanging dejected at his sides.”

R– “As we wait for Lubanzi Opeyemi to take his place. I thought we might get a bit more insight into what you’re up to now Anton.”

A– “Well, aside from pushing my own boundaries, I still train cockthletes around the world, running seminars and masterclasses. More and more young men are starting to see the potential in their cocks, and it’s amazing to think how much better the next generation will be compared to us.”

R– “Although I guess they have a long way to go before they’ll surpass you, Anton.”

A– “Ah, but they will surpass me. You just need to look at the guys out on the field just now. Markku’s control is incredible, Danilo’s second cock will certainly take him places, and we’ve yet to see what Zhi Wei has in store for us. Not to mention that quick flash of an incredible 10-pack that young Dafydd was displaying. It won’t be long before each of them has passed me and all the cockthletes of my generation by.”

R– “And with the Phallic Sciences really starting to take off, it will hopefully inspire even more young men into the field.”

A– “That’s my wish, Ronan. It’s not just the entertainment value of the games, or the dedication to the sport displayed, but the joy of having such an incredible cock really does carry over in to everyday life.

“Much as I’d like to go on, it looks like Lubanzi Opeyemi of Nigeria is ready to take his turn.”

R– “He really is rough with that cock of his. He’s grabbed it with his right hand and is squeezing it like it’s a tube of toothpaste. He’s being just as rough with his left hand. What do you make of it?”

A– “He’s going to need to be careful... in fact... yes, there’s one of the officials going over to speak to him.”

R– “It looks like he’s being given a warning. I’m just getting word... he’s been given a warning as some pre-cum is starting to leek from his cock, and the officials won’t tolerate that.”

A– “No they won’t, Ronan. It’s a dangerous game to play. You’ve got to hold all your cum in until after the match, and whilst pre-cum is sometimes involuntary, the officials have looked at the level coming out of Lubanzi’s cock and decided to step in.”

R– “It looks like they will allow him to throw, but he has been given a warning not to allow any more pre-cum to flow out. I’m curious, Anton. How did they know that this was happening?”

A– “It’s the new spearhead condoms, Ronan. They have sensors in them that check to see if any pre-cum or cum has leaked, as well as testing to ensure that an erection is maintained. Gone are the days where it wouldn’t be discovered until after the event that something had gone amiss.”

R– “Amazing. Phallic Science really is coming into its own, if you’ll pardon the pun.”

A– “Ha!”

R– “Well, it looks like Lubanzi has started his run. His sheer strength is slowing him down slightly compared to the others, but it’s still nice and steady...

“... and... release!”

A– “That’s going at quite a high angle, but it might just work for him...”

R– “Oh... and he just manages to push Danilo into third place there by the looks of things. Yes... the officials have confirmed that he’s scored 53.1 metres or 174 feet. Almost 25 metres behind the front runner from Finland. Do you think there’s some psychology at play here?”

A– “It could be, Ronan. It could be. Markku certainly has flung the field wide open with his first throw but it’s a dangerous tactic as he’ll need to keep that standard up if he wants to remain in the game. I made that mistake in my first games where I put everything into my first throw and had ran out of steam to keep it up, so I was eliminated in the qualifiers. I learned from that mistake, as did quite a few of my peers.”

R– “You certainly did learn. I remember the following year where you made it to the finals and secured your first medal—a Bronze—in Lisbon.”

A– “I actually went the opposite way at that games and almost lost out on a medal because I kept saving my energy for ‘the next throw’ that never came.”

R– “Really? That’s amazing. To think that we might not have seen you on the podium that day.”

A– “I know. Luck was clearly on my side.”

R– “Well, we now come at last to the winner of the qualification round yesterday—Zhi Wei of China. What do you know about him, Anton?”

A– “Zhi is methodical in his approach. He will expect perfection and nothing else will be acceptable to him. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him save his energy here, knowing exactly what he needs to do to stay in the game.”

R– “That cock is a lot thicker than most other javelinists. How will that affect his throw?”

A– “Well, his hands are a bit bigger due to his height, which will also give him a slight advantage, but only over the first dozen or so metres. However, the weight of that cock will either carry it far, if thrown just right, or will be affected by gravity much earlier if he misjudges. I expect that we will see a safe play here, though. Zhi always has a plan.”

R– “And he’s off to a good start... nice steady pace, if a little bit robotic...”

A– “I am getting Terminator vibes off him...”

R– “and... release...”

A– “It’s a very good throw, using the weight to punch through the air. The rest of his cock is lengthening nicely...”

R– “It looks even thicker despite being stretched out like that... and... it’s in. He’s made it past the 70 metre mark, but not quite to where Markku landed.”

A– “No, it’s shy by a few metres, I think. 72 metres on the dot, 236 feet in old money. Ha, I told you he was methodical.”

R– “If anyone was going to get a distance exact, it was Zhi. And the look on his face is entirely emotionless as he reels that thick cock in.

“With the first round done, and with Jarod Kapaernik suffering a fault, we’re now down to 5. As they take a short break to allow the cockthletes to rehydrate—important under this beautiful Hawaiian sunshine—I wonder, Anton, what you make of this first round?”

A– “Well, and I hope you’ll excuse me whilst I take off my t-shirt. It’s just so hot in here...”

R– “Oh, viewers, if you could just see what I can see. Unfortunately, we aren’t allowed a camera in the commentary boxes...”

A– “... the first round wasn’t as dramatic as I expected it to be. Each of the competitors will really need to up their game if they want to make it on to that podium. With the exception of Kapaernik, all the competitors managed to get their cocks over 100 foot in length, but really, they should be looking at over 200 feet minimum on each throw. On the positive side, though, there is a lot of potential for this to be one of the best matches yet. We just need to see some drive and determination mixed with some control and accuracy.”

R– “I do have to say, Anton, sitting as I am with an 8 inch cock, that hearing you talk about cocks that are 150 to 300 times the size of mine and describing them as ‘small’ is just incredible. I’m sure our viewers back home are feeling the same way—in complete awe of you and your fellow cockthletes.”

A– “Oh, sorry Ronan. I didn’t mean to make you feel small in any way...”

R– “No need to feel bad, because I don’t. Sure, I’m a more than a little jealous looking at that snake coiled on the seat next to you, but I also know that it took you years of dedication and hard work to achieve that. Although, I’m not sure which part I’m more jealous of—the cock, that 12 pack, those big pecs or the huge biceps... Oh, em, ahem—yes we’re... um... still live.”

A– “Ahem, yes. Down on the field it looks like we’re ready to start round two. This will be slightly quicker now that the javelinists have their bearings and with the elimination of one competitor. We start, as before, with the shortest throw and that falls again to Dafydd ap Ieuan of Team GB. Hopefully he can turn his fortunes around this time.”

R– “That was a good run, and his cock is flying through the air a bit steadier than last time... it’s good...”

A– “He’s passed the 40 metre mark... 50 metres... and strike!”

R– “It’s definitely better than last time... yes... 58 metres on the nose. That’s 190 feet. Not quite the 200 feet mark you mentioned Anton, but a huge boost for the young Welshman compared to his last throw.”

A– “You can say that again. He’s come out fighting this time and it’s paid off. Look at that smile as he reels that cock in.”

R– “He’s over the moon with that. Giving himself a fighting chance now. It’s over to Francisco from Peru. He’s trying his new technique again, holding the reel of his right cock with his left. He’ll be hoping to do better than last time... and... it’s away...”

A– “... it’s looking more steady than last time, but I’m not sure... oooh... He’s passed the 50 metre mark but is it enough to beat ap Ieuan?”

R– “It’s... no... no! He did better than last time but it’s not enough. At 55.4 metres he’s slipped into last place.”

A– “Again, 182 feet just isn’t going to do it at this level I’m afraid. You can see he’s dejected about it. He’s using his left cock and both hands to reel that cock in, but those shoulders and his head are down.”

R– “Next up is Lubanzi Opeyemi.”

A– “He’s still gripping that cock far too hard. He’s not really getting that he doesn’t need that kind of grip until he gets to the relief area.”

R– “And it looks like the officials are checking the monitor again...

“Thumbs up from the official—the levels of pre-cum still aren’t at a disqualifying level.”

A– “You can hear his thunderous feet hitting the ground from up here. That’s some power he’s displaying.”

R– “And he’s airborne... He’ll be hoping to better his last effort, especially as Dafydd has bypassed that mark... and... it’s... in!

“That looks like it’s over the 60 metre mark, closer to 70 metres... yes... 67.2 metres or 220 feet. He’s managed to make everyone forget that last throw.”

A– “I would have thought he would have looked happier, but the way he’s reeling that cock in. He really needs to take better care of his equipment—he’s going to cause himself an injury, or worse, blow his load and be disqualified.”

R– “As Opeyemi moves out of the way, we see Zhi Wei start his run. Again, very steady, very robotic.”

A– “I feel like I’m watching Robocop or something. It’s amazing how completely focussed he is.”

R– “And it’s away... he’s... it’s flying straight and true... and...”

A– “... I don’t believe it... it’s almost...”

R– “It is! He’s hit exactly 72 metres again. Maybe he is a robot?”

A– “The officials aren’t looking happy. They’re signalling for a video replay to see if there is anything funny going on. It’s a very difficult thing to cheat at the Cocklympics, but there have been attempts in the past.”

R– “Yes, we remember the Namibian Rowing Team who tried to sneak oar heads in to attach to their cocks back in the 17th Cocklympics in Hanoi.”

A– “It looks like the checks have come back okay, but the officials will definitely be keeping their eyes on Zhi.”

R– “Finally, in this round, it’s the current leader, Korhonen of Finland. He’s started with another good release... flying nice and steady... but what’s this... it looks like the tip is dipping slightly.”

A– “He’s losing focus and isn’t controlling the loose cock that follows that javelin...”

R– “And it’s cost him slightly. He’s landed at 74.8 metres, 245 feet. He’s lost almost 3 metres from his previous throw.”

A– “I did say it was a risky gamble. He needs to do some recovery before the next round, but he was lucky to still land first there. Another loss of distance like that and he would be behind Zhi Wei’s attempt.”

R– “With all the competitors having thrown, it’s confirmed that Danilo Francisco of Peru has been eliminated. He might not feel it, but he’s made history today.”

A– “Exactly, Ronan. He’s the first double-cocked guy to reach the Finals in a Cocklympics Javelin event. Even if that wasn’t enough, he’s also earned his place in the first hundred men to ever reach the Cocklympics Javelin Final. He can be proud of that.”

R– “He certainly can. But now he heads off to the relief area for a well-deserved massage and release. Although, I think he’s now going to test the officials because he’ll need both of his cocks to be seen too.”

A– “That he will, and again he’ll be in for another first. With the lengths that javelinists cocks get too, it’s one of the only events that have a dedicated team of cock wranglers to help release that tension. Of course, the relief area is kept from public view to save distracting the cockthletes still taking part in the events.”

R– “I almost volunteered to do job myself when I finished college. To get your hands on such amazing cocks would be amazing.”

A– “Well, if you really want to feel what a champion cock feels like...”

R– “Really? You mean... Folks, you might have to excuse me for a few minutes...”

A– “I suppose I’ll take over a bit while Ronan has his hands full... ooooh... and his mouth too.

“Th.. the javelinists are now down to four... with Jarod Kapaernik being joined... mmmmm... by Danilo Francisco in the relief area. The next round... oh, fuu... the next round is the last round where a competitor will go home medalless... hmmmm... maybe you need a bit more... em, sorry.

“We loo... look to the field as the last four take their place.

“First up is Dafydd ap Ieuan for the UK, getting used to throwing first. Oooo... It’s a good run... and... it’s soaring... so-soaring... 50 metres... 60 metres...

“It’s in! Oooo, and so am I... erm, it’s a good throw and even better than the first two. He’s done it! He’s passed the 200 feet mark and landed at... 64.1 metres... 210 feet.

“Finally, this competition seems to be heating up. Give me a sec folks, I just need to wrap someone up...”

“...”

R– “...ahem. Apologies for my absence, but things are now under control. I’m currently wrapped up from toe to shoulders in Anton’s champion cock and let me tell you it’s an amazing feeling.”

A– “It feels good for me too! I may have to return the favour later.”

R– “Promises, promises. Oh... yes, the competition. Can Opeyemi maintain his own composure, unlike us in the commentary box, and lift his game even further?”

A– “He’s still grabbing that cock too tightly and he’s on his final warning as it is. But he’s off.”

R– “His feet are like hammers on the ground. And his cock is in the air... it looks as if it’s going a bit too high...”

A– “That angle isn’t good news for him... 50 metres... 60 metres... oh, it’s close!”

R– “Very close. He’s not moving a muscle as he waits on the official... oh... my... word...”

A– “63.9 metres... 210 feet! He’s 20cm short of Dafydd ap Ieuan’s throw...”

R– “And boy is he not happy. He’s demanding a recheck. Another official is checking...

“...and...

“...it’s the same. 63.9 metres! Lubanzi Opeyemi of Nigeria is now currently in second place with two javelinists still to throw, each of whom have been throwing over 70 metres so far...”

A– “That’s some bad sportsmanship from the Nigerian there. He’s having some heated words with the officials but there isn’t anything that they can do—he threw his cock and no-one else could affect that.”

R– “In all that commotion at the side, we see the Terminator himself take up position.”

A– “Yes, Zhi Wei has displayed some incredible focus—and complete lack of personality today. It’s another solid run and a good throw...”

R– “Will we get another 72 metres on the dot again?”

A– “I think officials will definitely start to ask questions if that happens. But it’s flying straight and... it’s in!”

R– “It’s not 72 metres—he’s moved beyond that and hit 75.5 metres, 248 feet. Markku Korhonen of Finland will be looking at that with worry I think.”

A– “You’re right. He lost nearly 3 metres between the first and second rounds, and now Zhi Wei has thrown further than he did in the last round.”

R– “Judging by the look on his face, he’s losing some of that coolness he was displaying. But it’s still a steady run up and a great release...”

A– “It’s got a slight dip on it though, Ronan. That’s not looking good for Markku...”

R– “Well, would you look at that?! It’s fallen short by another 3 metres again. Markku might be about to lose another Gold Medal here.”

A– “At 71.9 metres, 236 feet he’s lost 5.5 metres between his first throw and that one. That’s a full car length of a difference, and places him solidly in second place as we head into the final round.”

R– “Look at Opeyemi. He’s storming from the field and refusing to go into the relief area. Such an angry person, Anton.”

A– “He sure is. There’s definitely been something up with him today and this isn’t portraying him in a great light. It looks like the officials have called security over to escort him from the field into the relief area.”

R– “Well, as we head into a dramatic finale, I just wanted to update you on my current situation. I’m presently wrapped up in Anton’s strong and exceptionally long cock—just how long would you say it was right now, Anton?”

A– “I’m about 70 or 80 feet all in just now.”

R– “So, I’m wrapped up in about 80 feet of Anton’s massive cock, and only my head is showing. Life couldn’t be better.

“Anyway, on to the final round. With just three left it means that everyone is guaranteed a spot on that podium, but who will be first? Will it be Team GB’s Dafydd ap Ieuan, the plucky Welshman who has fought his socks off to stay in the competition? Will it be Mr Roboto”-

A– “Wrong country, Ronan”-

R– “... oh, so it is. Apologies. Will it be China’s Zhi Wei, or will it finally be Markku Korhonen of Finland’s year?”

A– “We’re about to find out, as ap Ieuan takes his run, and throws his cock with all the energy he has left. He’s staggering a bit after that throw, but he’ll need to stay on his feet to keep his cock lengthening or else it could be down and out without a dig in.”

R– “It’s good... it’s good, it’s amazing... It’s... past 60 metres... and it’s in! That looks like it might just be past the 70 metre mark, don’t you think?”

A– “I think you’re right... and it looks like the official is confirming... yes! It’s at 70.9 metres, or 233 feet. And judging by the absolutely euphoric face on Dafydd, this is the first time that his cock has reached this length. Waves of pleasure will be coursing through his entire being right now as he experiences what it’s like to have one of the longest cocks in existence.”

R– “Judging by the looks on some of the audience, this has been their moment of the day. Certainly, there are quite a few exhausted faces there as they show their appreciation of this moment by shooting their loads into the special containers in the seats.”

A– “Amazing that we can all share in this moment, Ronan. Amazing.

“And there’s a heartwarming sight—Markku Korhonen is giving the young Welshman a congratulatory hug and I think we even saw a slight nod from the ever-emotionless Zhi. This is a moment that they have both felt themselves many times, and there really is no way to describe it.”

R– “Well, after that display, Markku Korhonen finds himself on the spot. Can he find one last burst of energy, or did he spend it all on his first throw?

“He takes the run... and it’s an excellent release... and... holy... look at the speed!”

A– “Now that’s what I’m talking about! This is what Cocklympic Javelin should look like!”

R– “He’s passed 50 metres... 70 metres... 90 metres! And in!

“The stadium is on its feet as we witnessed an incredible throw from the Finn, and the officials have confirmed it... 97.6 metres, or 320 feet. It’s not quite record-breaking, but definitely in the top 25.”

A– “Now that was an incredible last-minute gasp from Markku. With a throw like that, he deserves to be on that podium. And just like ap Ieuan before him, we can see that this is also a first for him! The first time he has bypassed 300 feet, only 2.4 metres short of a century! And he deserves to feel that from his head all the way to the tips of his toes. Incredible!”

R– “With the full weight of this competition now on him, Zhi Wei takes his run... as steady as ever... was that a grunt there as he released his cock into the air?”

A– “Sure sounded like it. Has he finally broken and displayed an emotion?”

R– “Let’s hope it’s worth it... 50 metres... 60 metres... 70... 80... nine... no wait!”

A– “Oh damn. He’s landed at almost exactly 90 metres... no... the official is just double checking... 89.9 metres or 295 feet!

“What an incredible finish to this incredible contest! Markku Korhonen of Finland finally takes his Gold Medal, Zhi Wei takes Silver for China and the plucky Dafydd ap Ieuan takes home Bronze for the United Kingdom.”

R– “And Zhi is on his knees. The crowd feels his agony, whilst also feeling the joy the Markku Korhonen is feeling. Not only has his cock reached a new record length, but he finally takes home the Gold Medal he has aimed at for years...”

A– “There’s going to be some cum soaked streets tonight with the celebrations from the Finnish Team, as well as quite a few happy members of the public getting to experience what 300 feet of cock can really do.”

R– “Well folks. We hope you have enjoyed this coverage. Anton and I are both going to celebrate ourselves, being caught up in the moment. Isn’t that... holy fuck! Apologies folks, but Anton has just showed me that he’s also been working on lengthening another part of his body too...

“So, um... more Cocklympics next... um, stay tuned and all that jazz... bye!”

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