Support line

by BRK

Customers interacting with the reps at the Metabods Support Line tend not to get the service they’re expecting—though it is always above and beyond.

Added: 9 Feb 2012 Updated: 12 Nov 2013 7,459 words 23,511 views 4.9 stars (9 votes)

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Thank you for using the Metabods Support Line text service. You are about to be connected to operator Adrian.

Adrian: Thanks for contacting MSL, how can I help you?

Larry: Hi, I’m sitting here on my couch with my laptop and I only have 10 minutes before I have to go to work, but I’m super horny and need to cum. Can you help me rub one out super quick?

Adrian: I’ll be happy to assist with that. Have you tried putting it in your mouth? That always does it for me.

Larry: I guess I’m not as lucky as you. It doesn’t reach.

Adrian: No problem, I can help with that. How about now?

Larry: Whoa.

Adrian: Is your cock long enough now?

Larry: Well, to be honest, now it’s too long. I didn’t know you guys could do that.

Adrian: You say it’s too long now?

Larry: Yeah, it’s like up over my head. It’s like—lemme see—it’s like five Pringles cans tall now.

Adrian: Hmm, so there’s no way you can get it into your mouth now?

Larry: Not without a stepladder.

Adrian: I don’t see how a stepla—oh, you’re joking.

Larry: Are you, like, new or something?

Adrian: I’m sure I can sort this out for you. Are you stroking it right now?

Larry: What I can reach, yeah. Though it’s only one hand, I’m chatting with you with the other one.

Adrian: Let me try something. Okay, try stroking up toward the head of your cock now.

Larry: What, you made my arms stretchy?

Adrian: Does that help?

Larry: I guess. I can still only use one hand though. And I really kinda still want it in my mouth.

Adrian: Well, the first one’s easy to fix.

Larry: Oh, uh, thanks. … Uh, I probably only needed one extra arm though.

Adrian: Wait—how many did you end up with?

Larry: Um, twelve total. And now none of them are stretchy. Although they do seem just a little bit big overall… maybe you got the size wrong?

Adrian: That’s weird.

Larry: You’re brand new, right? You can tell me, I won’t rat you out.

Adrian: No, I mean, I’ve completed the training and everything. Plus they just changed the software here, and—wait, I know what we can try.

Larry: I dunno, Adrian…

Adrian: Okay, I want you to grab your cock with as many hands as you can and twist counterclockwise, then yank up.

Larry: What will that do?

Adrian: Just try it and tell me what happened.

Larry: Fuck—it came off!

Adrian: Great!

Larry: Great??!

Adrian: Yeah, now you can suck it! You can still feel everything, right?

Larry: Yeah. If anything it’s more sensitive than ever. And it’s drooling precum everywhere. Except it doesn’t really solve my problem.

Adrian: Why not?

Larry: Because as soon as I pulled the thing off my body, a new rock-hard four-foot monster cock sprang up in its place.

Adrian: Oh shit. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

Larry: Really? And it’s, like twice as thick as my old one. And now I’m even hornier than before. And late for work.

Adrian: I understand. Okay, sorry. I checked my notes and it should have been clockwise.

Larry: Seriously??

Adrian: I’m very sorry. Please try it that way. Twist clockwise, then yank up.

Larry: Fuck.

Adrian: Did it work?

Larry: Yeah, it came off.

Adrian: Great.

Larry: And two fucking four-foot monsters prang up to replace it, instead of one.

Adrian: Shit!

Larry: Actually they look bigger. And thicker. They’re totally in my way, I have to look around them to see the fucking screen on my laptop.

Adrian: Yeah, that’s normal. Twin regrows always go up a size. Shit, I’m really sorry.

Larry: Dude, I have to cum so bad, more than ever, but I gotta bag all this and get to work. If I don’t get the first quarter finances finished today I’ll be fired!

Adrian: Okay, tell you what. Here’s what I can do. You’ll love this.

Larry: No, don’t do anything else, dude. Just put me back.

Adrian: No, this will totally work. I’m going to make a duplicate bod for you, and that one can go to work while we sort you out. Sort of like a loaner.

Larry: That sounds like a really bad idea—oh look, you did it anyway.

Adrian: Is your extra bod there?

Larry: Yep. Standing in front of me. Looks exactly like me, apart from looking nothing like me.

Adrian: Why, what does he look like?

Larry: Um, he looks like a very muscular, boytaur version of—what’s that actor’s name? Ryan Gosling.

Adrian: Oh shit, I duped my bod, not yours. Fuck. No wonder I feel dizzy…..

Larry: You okay?

Adrian: Um, yeah. Whoa, I can actually see you now. My dupe bod is lining up with my consciousness. Wow, you look amazingly hot.

Larry: Thanks. You actually look really—wait, why are we still chatting?

Adrian: I don’t think I’ll be able to speak through it without fully transferring most of my consciousness there—which I really can’t do while I’m on shift—so we’d better carry on via chat. Though I might be able to do a few things with that bod.

Larry: Like what—oh shit, your hands are warm. Well, that’s one way to reach the tops of these fuckers.

Adrian: I told you I’d fix your problem.

Larry: Is that really what you look like?

Adrian: Yeah, employee perks here are awesome. Wow, your cocks feel awesome.

Larry: Thanks. Yours look ready to blow, dude. How many are there, anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many in one crotch before.

Adrian: Two crotches. But lets concentrate on you. You use all your hands to stroke your cocks wherever you can reach, and I’ll use my extra bod’s four hands to stroke you where you can’t reach.

Larry: Oh, okay. Oh god, that feels great. Mmmm, someone’s massaging my shoulders and pecs from behind the couch. With four hands. Dude, did you send another dupe of yourself?

Adrian: Sorry, sometimes this return key sticks. I guess the command went through twice.

Larry: Right. Well, maybe that one can take care of these two stray four-foot boners I have here next to me—you know, the ones you told me to pull off.

Adrian: Yeah, I can definitely grab those. Wow, this is—it’s hard to concentrate. Tell you what, I’m going to make one more try at duping you so you can go to work, and then I’m going to have to—well, maybe I’ll end my shift early.

Larry: Listen, maybe you don’t have to—oh, there I am. Wow.

Adrian: How does your dupe look?

Larry: Great. Really great. Too great, actually.

Adrian: Well, I buffed you up a bit. Both of you, actually.

Larry: I see that.

Adrian: But your dupe should only have two of everything—arms, legs…

Larry: Cocks…

Adrian: But they’re only a foot long on that bod, so you can still get dressed and go to work. Though I think when you dupe in this configuration you end up with permaboners on both bods, so you’ll probably have to jack all your cocks six or eight times a day, including any cocks you’ve detached, or you’ll start cumming spontaneously.

Larry: Actually I’m feeling really close—in fact, dude, if you keep stroking those wet cockheads like that I’m gonna cum out of all these cocks like a geyser and—yeah—like that—oh oh fuck yeah!!

Adrian: Wow, shit!! That’s a lot of cum, dude. Fuck, a lot of cum. Wow, and more cum. Shit, dude, you weren’t kidding about cumming like a geyser! Unfuckingbelievable. I’ve never seen—shit, you managed to, like, coat both my bods with cum. I can feel it all over. I can even taste it. Fuck, I’m so turned on here, dude, you wouldn’t even believe it.

Larry: Dude, say the word and it’s your turn—those cocks of yours look painfully hard. And delicious. Especially covered in my thick hot cum.

Adrian: Okay. Okay. I’m going to sign off and punch out in, like, three minutes. Two minutes. After that—my extra boytaur bods are all yours. And in the meantime you can dress up your dupe and send him to the office with most of your consciousness, while you have mindless sex all day at home. It’s fucking amazing, trust me.

Larry: Yeah… except… how can I get my bods to … to stop … to, um, to stop making out?

Adrian: I can definitely help you with that.

Thank you for using the Metabods Support Line text service. You are about to be connected to operator Adrian.

Adrian: Thanks for contacting MSL, how can I help you?

Davey: Hi

Adrian: Hi. What can I help you with, Davey?

Davey: How do you know my name??

Adrian: It’s automatically sent when you log into the service. How can I help?

Davey: But I’m logged in as my roommate, and you know my real name.

Adrian: Oh, sorry. I forgot I recently got that telepathy upgrade.

Davey: Your computer has telepathy??

Adrian: No no, I got it as a perk for fiscal year bonuses. But I’m not supposed to use it during calls, they’re really strict about that. I’m switching it off.

Davey: Oh.

Adrian: Okay, it’s off. How can I help you, “anonymous caller”?

Davey: Heh. Well, it’s kind of embarrassing.

Adrian: Believe me, I’ve only been here a few months and I’ve already heard it all.

Davey: Um. Well, something happened to me and I think you guys did it.

Adrian: What happened?

Davey: Well, when I woke up this morning my dick was …….

Adrian: Bigger? Doubled? Prehensile?

Davey: What? No, it was just bigger.

Adrian: Okay.

Davey: A lot bigger.

Adrian: Okay.

Davey: It was the size of one of my legs.

Adrian: It wasn’t that big before? Are you sure?

Davey: Uhhhhh… yeah I’m sure.

Adrian: And why do you think this involves us?

Davey: Who else would it be? 4Chan? Wikipedia?

Adrian: There’s some weird shit at 4Chan.

Davey: Dude, are you an idiot?

Adrian: So what’s your membership number? Or the last four of your social if you need me to look it up.

Davey: I’m not a member. I mean, I have a member. I have this enormous member that’s spilling off my chair and onto the carpet. Which sucks because the carpet is itchy. But I’m not a member of your site.

Adrian: Sorry Davey, there’s no way. All our transforms are accessible only on a secure area of the site. And even then you have to receive and confirm an email.

Davey: Oh. Uh, well, like I said, I’m logged in as my roommate. I’m on his laptop while he’s on his honeymoon with this guy he met a few months ago. He said he didn’t want any distractions.

Adrian: I see. So… Did you visit the site yesterday? Logged in as him?

Davey: Yeah.

Adrian: The secure area?

Davey: Yeah. Look, the browser had his username and password stored, right?

Adrian: Davey, did you download anything?

Davey: Look, can you fix this or not??? I gotta go to chem lab in an hour.

Adrian: Well, the problem is that I’m not allowed to do any modifications for nonmembers.

Davey: But it’s for a member. It’s just not the member’s … member.

Adrian: Can we stop with the “member” thing?

Davey: Sorry.

Adrian: I can’t undo the mod on you. But I may be able to do a workaround.

Davey: Which is?

Adrian: What I might be able to do is swap his dick with yours. That counts as a change to him. And then I can fix the size, because the leg-sized wondercock be his dick now.

Davey: Okay, sounds great. He’s probably asleep anyway, it’s five hours earlier in Hawaii. Whoa, okay, you should do it now… before this thing gets hard.

Adrian: … Is it likely to get hard?

Davey: Maybe. I’ve been browsing porn while we chat.

Adrian: Is that wise?

Davey: I always browse porn. Can we do this? I feel it tingling.

Adrian: Okay. Step 1: I’m swapping his cock with yours … now.

Adrian: Davey? What do you see?

Davey: It got bigger.

Adrian: What??

Davey: Sorry, I guess I should say they get bigger.

Adrian: Are you telling me you now have two cocks that are bigger than your legs?

Davey: Yeah. Oh, and I have four of those now. You guys really suck at this.

Adrian: That’s very strange, that shouldn’t have happened.

Davey: No kidding.

Adrian: Let me check into this a second.

Davey: I’m calling the attorney general on you guys.

Adrian: Just hang on, hang on… Oh, okay, I see what happened. The mod you downloaded last night actually affected both of you. And since he has two cocks, one between each pair of legs, when I swapped your junk with his you had to have two pairs of legs to accommodate the two cocks. Make sense?

Davey: But Preston doesn’t have four legs.

Adrian: Oh, he’s got premium membership, so he got automatic stealth mode for his extra limbs. Bet you didn’t know he has lots of arms, huh? Go ahead, guess how many.

Davey: Maybe later. Can we get back to me now? Because I don’t to start throwing around twin punching-bag-sized boners in my chem lab and knocking over all the equipment and shit, okay?

Adrian: Uh, sure. Okay, first we need to swap your cock with your roommate’s again, since it didn’t help and he should have his own cocks. Executing now.

Davey: Nothing happened. They’re still here, and still bigger than before.

Adrian: Really? Oh, I forgot about the automatic 20% cock upgrade for all multi-legged guys. So, those are definitely your cocks, they’re just upgraded.

Davey: But the extra legs should have gone away, too, right? And so I shouldn’t have gotten the upgrade, right?

Adrian: Sorry, there’s nothing I can do about the legs.

Davey: What??

Adrian: They didn’t happens as part of a member-purchased mod, so I can’t reverse them.

Davey: You guys suck SO BAD. I’m sitting in my own lap with two enormous soft cocks the size of a small person snuggling and rubbing each other and there’s fucking nothing you can do?

Adrian: Look, tell you what. I feel bad about this, so what I can do is swap your cocks with mine. Then I can do the resize on myself.

Davey: Are your cocks … normal sized?

Adrian: Well, not exactly.

Davey: Meaning what??

Adrian: Look, they’re smaller than what you have now, and that’s what you need for the short term, right? Okay, executing now.

Davey: Wait—! Oh Jesus fucking Christ.

Adrian: Wow, Davey, these really are huge! I might just keep them though. I’ve never tried having cocks this big. Whoa, and they’re growers!!

Davey: Dude, this is NOT the fix I asked for.

Adrian: What? Oh, well, you don’t have these two monsters anymore, right? By the way, my other body is measuring them now. They clock in at … wow, six and a half feet long, hard. I’m definitely keeping these for a while.

Davey: That’s great, but can we talk about how I now have like a dozen of these 15-inch surfboard shaped boners? In each crotch? All of them leaking precum like a broken drinking fountain?

Adrian: Oh, that’s not precum, that’s cum. I’ve been trying out the new constant cummers mod. It’s awesome, right? You get this constant low-grade orgasm, it’s amazing.

Davey: Is that what that is? It does feel … um… mmmmmmmm…

Adrian: I know, right?

Davey: … Wait, “constant”? You mean they’re jizzing al the time? Even when they’re soft?

Adrian: Oh, they don’t get soft.

Davey: WHAT???

Adrian: Try tasting the cum, it’s like drinking a whiskey-semen cocktail.

Davey: Dude, can you tell me your full name? Because I’ll need it for the lawsuit.

Adrian: Okay, look, I’ll turn off the constant cum feature. There, how’s that.

Davey: Well, they’re not cumming anymore. Which is something, I guess. Though it still feels a little like I’m cumming.

Adrian: Good. Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?

Davey: Wait! I still have two dozen monster boners!

Adrian: And?

Davey: I don’t want this many cocks! Or legs!

Adrian: I told you, ship has sailed on the legs. They’re stealth mode, so no one will see them unless you’re hard.

Davey: Which I now am all the time thanks to you, apparently.

Adrian: Besides, I think they look nice on you. Do you play soccer, or—oh, I see it now, you’re on the swim team at university. Very sexy.

Davey: You told me you turned the telepathy thing OFF.

Adrian: Oh, right. Actually I can’t turn it “off” off, but I’ll try to keep it at bay.

Davey: Dude, you’re driving me crazy. I want fewer cocks. PLEASE.

Adrian: That’s one I don’t hear often. Anyway, the version of cock I had, which you now have, is—oh, it says here in the catalog they’re detachable. Try pulling one of them off.

Davey: Okay. Oh FUCK ME.

Adrian: What happened?

Davey: Two more huge boners popped up in its place!

Adrian: Right, but those two new guys are also detachable.

Davey: ARRRRGGHH!! Look. Buddy. Dude. Please, can you help me out? Can you make it so I can go to chem lab somehow? I’m gonna be late now, and since I’m a chem major this stuff is kind of important to me.

Adrian: I’m not sure if … Okay, I think what I can do is give you the “no freak” mod. I have discretion to give that out to new clients, and I guess you … sort of count as a new client, in a way. Oh shit!!

Davey: What??

Adrian: Nothing, my new six-foot boners are attracting some … uh, admirers from the neighboring cubes. I forgot they were sticking out into the hallway. I may be kind of

Davey: What?

Adrian: What? Uh, distracted for the rest of this call.

Davey: How would I tell?

Adrian: What were we—? Oh, the “no freak” mod. So you can make it so other people think it’s no big deal you’re like this, or that you were always like this, or both. You pick.

Davey: Okay, both.

Adrian: You sure? Because that way, everyone will know you as having always had this body, and everyone will think it’s no big deal.

Davey: Yeah, just do it. I need to motor.

Adrian: Okay… All, right, it’s all set. Anything else I can help you with tonight?

Davey: Wait! Wait! Why do I have like twice as many cocks now??

Adrian: Well, you’ve always been like this, right? I don’t know for sure, but it’s my experience that people with detachable cocks like to give them away.

Davey: Fuck. I don’t even known how many boners I have now. It feels … unhnnn … they NEVER get soft?

Adrian: Nope. Awesome sensation, all of that iron flesh pressing hard against each other?

Davey: Yeah … uh … oh god I’m gonna blow a huge wad here—

Adrian: Awesome!

Adrian: Davey, you still there?

Adrian: Davey?

Davey: Dude, I just came a quart of cum out of all these cocks. I was like …. like forty firehoses!!

Adrian: Oh yeah, the supercum upgrade. I forgot that’s a promotion we’ve got tied to the “no freak” mod this month. Yeah, that’s awesome. And you’ll find that your cum has some … interesting properties now.

Davey: Fuck.

Adrian: I think that’s all I can do for you. Enjoy chem lab!

Davey: Yeah. You know, I might just skip it today. I’ve got some experiments of my own to conduct.

Thank you for using the Metabods Support Line text service. You are about to be connected to operator Adrian.

Adrian: Thanks for contacting MSL, how can I help you?

Hank: Hey, tech support dude, you guys fouled up and now I’m totally screwed. You need to fix what your Change Yourself app did to me. You gotta do it fast!

Adrian: I can certainly help with that. What’s the CY app doing that you’re not expecting?

Hank: It’s all messed up, tech dude! It’s changing the wrong things! Where’s the undo?

Adrian: Oh, there’s no undo.

Hank: What??

Adrian: Why would you need an undo?

Hank: Dude, I am hunkered down hiding in my car right now, and I get out of the car and you haven’t fixed this, then everybody’s going to stare at me ‘cause I’m the freak with ten legs!!

Adrian: No, they won’t.

Hank: Trust me, bro. I don’t know about where you are but, seriously, ten legs is not normal at this school. I’m a senior, dude, I’m going to walk at commencement in six weeks and I’m gonna be this ten-legged freakazoid!

Adrian: Wow, that’s a hot image though. Ten legs sticking out the bottom of commencement robes. Chinos—will you be wearing chinos? All that demin. Or do what I did—no pants. Just shoes, lots of shoes. Fuck, that’s hot.

Hank: Not the point dude!

Adrian: You gotta admit it’s a hot image.

Hank: Fuck yeah, it’s way hot. But so not the point!

Adrian: Look, no one’s going to laugh at you. They won’t notice, it’s built in.

Hank: They will, man. They have.

Adrian: No way. The CY app has a built-in everyone’s-cool-with-it module. And an optional always-looked-like-that module, which almost everyone adds on at checkout. I’m checking your account and—yep, you have it. When you add ten legs, everyone’s like, “Cool, ten legs. I always liked how those looked on you.”

Hank: Yeah, bro, except I didn’t add legs. I added cocks.

Adrian: I’m not following.

Hank: I told you, the code for this app is wrecked! You click on “add cocks”, it adds legs instead!

Adrian: Oh. Uh… that’s not … normal behavior. Maybe it … downloaded wrong, or … What happened exactly?

Hank: I was playing around with it in my car in the school parking lot, and I figured, hey, add a second cock, that sounds awesome.

Adrian: It totally is, by the way. Wait, you started fiddling with your bod right before school? That’s—bold.

Hank: Nah, man, after. I’m not a dumbass.

Adrian: Oh, okay. Go on.

Hank: So I clicked on “add cock”, like you’re supposed to, I read all the directions and everything. Only instead of more junk I got more of something completely different!!

Adrian: Wait, so you went to add a second cock and it added eight new legs?

Hank: Dude, I had to keep trying it to see if it would work.

Adrian: Oh.

Hank: And then I’m sitting there with this wild pile of legs in front of me and I look up and my best buddy Jay is showing up to b-ball practice and he’s standing there next to the car, and he’s looking down at me—

Adrian: What did you look like?

Hank: Like usual for me, bro. You know, these great old Billabong chinos and no shirt, ‘cause people like my upper bod, right? Only my chinos are these wild ten-legged chinos on account of I have ten legs! And he’s all goggle-eyed, and he’s like, “Dude, did your extra cocks turn into legs??”

Adrian: Wait, he was expecting you to have extra cocks, not extra legs?

Hank: Totally, I was freaking out.

Adrian: That must mean the “normalizing” modules worked perfectly when you tried to add cocks—so having ten cocks was now the new normal for you. But the app itself completely mistargeted, and you got legs instead.

Hank: And listen, bro, they are definitely not “everyone’s-cool-with-it” legs. You should have seen the look on Jay’s face.

Adrian: What did you do?

Hank: What do you think I did? I said, “Ha, ha, gotcha!” And he laughed and said it was a great prank and all and took a frickin’ picture with his phone so he could tweet this great prank I did and I laughed too, ha ha, and I told him I’d meet up with him later at the diner after his prctice and then as soon as he was gone I slid down in my seat and texted you!

Adrian: Whoa, cool story. So you’re having an actual emergency. That’s exciting!

Hank: Dude!!

Adrian: Right. Right. So did he already post the pic? Can you send it to me? For your file, I mean.

Hank: Uh, yeah. Sure, hang on a minute. Okay, I’m sending the link.

Adrian: Okay. Oh, wow. That’s hot. You are really cute already, but those legs are amazing.

Hank: Thanks, but, dude, you gotta fix this.

Adrian: Right. The problem is, this—this isn’t a documented bug. So there isn’t a fix or a workaround or anything.

Hank: I don’t care. You have to take care of me, man! I’m begging you!

Adrian: Okay, okay. Okay. Just stay calm, and, yeah. Um, I think what we have to do is figure out where the crossed wire is, so to speak. What happens when you actually try to add legs?

Hank: You want me to try “add legs” with this busted freakmaker?

Adrian: Yes. I know it sounds crazy.

Hank: It sounds demented, bro.

Adrian: I know, but hear me out. If trying “add legs” gives you cocks then we’re golden—it’s just backwards. Easy fix, plus you have a way to make your legs seem normal. Just give it a try. Go to the “extras” menu and—

Hank: I know how it works. You sure about this?

Adrian: It’s definitely the next step.

Hank: Fine. Okay, I’m telling it to add a pair of legs.

Adrian: And.

Hank: Okay, fuck…

Adrian: What is it?

Hank: …you.

Adrian: What happened?

Hank: I just grew a foot, dude.

Adrian: Just the foot, not the whole leg?

Hank: No, jughead, I just grew a foot taller.

Adrian: Oh, well, that’s not so bad.

Hank: It happened all at once, dude. Rammed right into the roof of my car. Totally coulda split my skull open.

Adrian: Oh, sorry.

Hank: Man, I thought seeing stars was just for cartoons, bro. Ow! Fuck!!

Adrian: Sorry. But the good news is, we do have a way to normalize your legs.

Hank: But, dude, if I add three more “pairs of legs” I’ll be ten feet tall!

Adrian: Yeah, but that’s easy to explain. Just say you were doing pull-ups and suddenly got stretch-flu.

Hank: What??

Adrian: Yeah! Stretchy-flu! It’s a thing.

Hank: It’s real? People get “stretchy-flu”?

Adrian: No, no. It’s a Metabods-engineered buzzword. There’s like three dozen of ‘em in general circulation. Socially preprogrammed. Everyone’ll accept someone getting “stretchy-flu” without any fuss or doubt.

Hank: I’m not saying I got “stretchy flu”! Sounds like something from Li’l Abner, dude.

Adrian: It’s really not that—wait, you know Li’l Abner?

Hank: Legacy comics are awesome dude. Plus he’s totally hunked out.

Adrian: Oh. Okay, but what about “stretchy flu”? It’s definitely the easiest way to do this.

Hank: I’m not saying it!

Adrian: Okay, we can call that Plan B.

Hank: We can call it Plan Suck.

Adrian: Okay, okay. So then we need to finish telling the app to add legs so they’ll normalize. Then we can deal with the height the same way.

Hank: But I’ll be ten feet tall, dude!

Adrian: You just need to finish adding the “legs”, and then start adding “height” to mask the height. And, at the same time, we’ll find out what that really does! That’s really the first stage of what the software guys need to know anyway.

Hank: Dude. Is this really your trouble-shooting process?? I’m already staring at this, like, heap of legs.

Adrian: Right.

Hank: I mean, they feel great, all piled on each other like this, and the way my beat-up old chinos ended up ten-legged is kind of hot.

Adrian: Sure.

Hank: Actually I’m totally boned and I don’t even know how many cocks I have down there right now.

Adrian: Wow.

Hank: But—but that is so not the point!

Adrian: Look, Hank, it’s simple. Mapping out how the bug works is the only way to find out how to fix it.

Hank: Uh huh.

Adrian: Trust me!

Hank: Really not feeling the trust, bro.

Adrian: Okay, let’s do this. I just checked with the app development team while we were chatting. If you finish adding the “legs”, which will actually add height but normalize the legs—and then you add “height”, which will do something we don’t know yet but normalize the height—we should have enough info for the app dev team to trace the bug. We can stop there!

Hank: But then, I dunno, I’ll have these four new additions of something—we don’t even know what—and it won’t be normalized!

Adrian: Yes it will. I’ve been authorized to issue a manual normalization on whatever your final freakiness is.

Hank: My final freakiness?!

Adrian: Just do it, you’ll be fine. The sooner you do your stuff, the sooner I can do mine.

Hank: What do you mean, do yours?

Adrian: Er, well, your—predicament is really turning me on. And I need to take care of my cocks before people complain I’m blocking traffic in the aisles.

Hank: Well, dude, I—wait, what do you mean “blocking traffic”? How big are your cocks, bro?

Adrian: They’re—well, they were about 6 and a half feet long hard, but they got bigger when I won the cock-doubling office raffle last week.

Hank: Oh yeah? That’s … uh, wow.

Adrian: Personally, I think they made sure I won.

Hank: I’ll bet.

Adrian: I mean, it’s not every office that has a extra-buff Ryan-Gosling-lookalike jocktaur with four 8-foot-long iron-hard boners.

Hank: W-wow. I’m surprised they put you anywhere that those boys could get in the way.

Adrian: It’s the other way around. People like to visit them. I got this supercute four-armed intern stroking my two front boners right now. Of course, they’re sticking right into his cube and onto his lap, so, you can’t blame him.

Hank: Dude, you’re gonna make me cum. I dunno why I’m feeling this but I kinda want to be a freak like you. Shit, I’m doing it. I’m putting my seat back so I can add the “legs” that are really height thing.

Adrian: Go for it. Hot buff ten foot dude with ten hot legs. Do it!

Hank: Okay, I’m all laid back horizontal. I’m clicking on “add legs” … once … twice … whoa, it feels so good growing like this. I’m growing all over!

Adrian: Yeah, our height increase makes everything bigger. Especially feet. And cocks.

Hank: Damn, my feet feel huge. And I have so much huge boner in my pants!

Adrian: Keep going.

Hank: Right, right. Three times … four times …

Adrian: Wait! You only needed to add four! To match the four extra pairs of legs!

Hank: That was four! Oh, but, shit, I already did it once before. Fuck, I did an extra one. Dude, I’m 11 feet tall now.

Adrian: Okay, that’s hot, but now we have a different problem. Everyone will think you have 12 legs but you have only 10. That can freak people out as much as not being normalized at all.

Hank: Yeah?

Adrian: Trust me. When I won that raffle and my cocks were doubled only two of them were still normalized, and I made four guys faint in Whole Foods before I realized what happened!

Hank: So, what—? I gotta add another pair of legs? To match reality with the normalizing thing?

Adrian: Yeah. Remember, that’s mislinked to “add cock”.

Hank: Okay, doing it now. I—oh shit!! Oh shit!!! What the fuck??

Adrian: What? Oh, wow, I totally forgot. Upgrading to a dozen legs has an automatic bonus with that app, your cocks get doubled. Quantity and size!

Hank: Oh shiiiit. Dude I feel like I got a hundred cocks down there.

Adrian: Eh, probably only about half that…

Hank: All huuuuuge and hard as shit and, like, totally on the edge of blasting cum for an hour.

Adrian: Unhhh… hell, me too. Let’s finish you up and then we can both let loose our cum waves. We just gotta do the last round. Ready to add “height”?

Hank: I’m ready for fucking anything, bro.

Adrian: Remember to just add five. Go!

Hank: Doing it. Once … oh. Oh wow.

Adrian: What?

Hank: This—this is too wild. Holy fuck!

Adrian: What? What did it do??

Hank: I—I grew another torso, dude!!

Adrian: What?? That’s not even—the CY app doesn’t even offer that transformation!

Hank: Another torso. Another me, dude, from like the belly-button up. Lying back on my chest. Only, it’s not another me. I can feel both! Wow, even my phone got duped. We’re both holding an iPhone chatting.

Hank: Hey this is me using my other torso, wow, this is so amazing! I love this!!

Adrian: Keep going keep going keep going

Hank: Holy mother of cum. Adding a second time, shit, another torso. Third… fourth!! Fifth!!!

Adrian: Fuck, Hank, you gotta see this, I am blasting all over Keith the intern. Literally all over. Oh god, I’m cumming with all four of my enormous cocks…!

Hank: Wow. Don’t tell me that, bro. I gotta—I gotta hold back, I can’t cum in my pants, but I am sooo close.

Adrian: Unh, I’m still cumming. Uhhhhh, hold on. Give me a second.

Hank: Blast away dude.

Adrian: God. Heh, poor Keith looks like he fell in a lake of cum. I gotta go find the cam footage of this, they always have video rolling on this part of the office just in case of shit like this.

Hank: Man. I’d love to see that. Does he love it?

Adrian: Yeah, definitely yeah. Especially since my cum—well, with all the upgrades and tfs I’ve had, it’s kinda strong, I think it’s going to—yes! Aw, man, that’s amazingly hot.

Hank: What, bro?

Adrian: My cum, it—it made him grow an extra pair of arms.

Hank: Wow. Did you know it would do that?

Adrian: Ha, how do you think he ended up with four arms in the first place?

Hank: Totally excellent. I kinda wish my cum could do that. I’d cum all over Jay in a second!

Adrian: Hold that thought. Now that we know what the last change is, I can put through that manual “normalize” now, and, let’s just say I’m slipping in something extra for your cum as a promotional freebie. Just a little bit of hotness-booster, pretty low-grade at first, but if you keep blasting on him it might have some—unexpected side effects.

Hank: Dude, you’re amazing.

Adrian: I know.

Hank: Wait, what happens when I cum on myself?

Adrian: Cumming is cumming, buddy. Your cum doesn’t know who it’s cumming on.

Hank: Wow.

Adrian: Okay, you’re all set! Completely normalized in your new bod!

Hank: Except … dude, we have a new problem. I can’t get out of the car.

Adrian: LOL

Hank: Dude, I’m totally serious! I got this huge pile of legs and this stack of torsos pressed against the roof of the car already and, and—shit, I’m trapped, bro!

Adrian: Okay, okay. Calm down. Let me think. Wait. You have six pairs of legs and six torsos, right?

Hank: Yeah, man! I’m filling up half the car! Fuck, I should never have gotten a Prius, man.

Adrian: Listen, there’s this thing. It almst never comes up because there’s usually a mismatch. But, if you have the same number of torsos as you do pairs of legs you can break yourself apart into separate bodies, and rejoin again later at any time.

Hank: Break myself apart into separate—you mean I’d be six people?

Adrian: Well, one people, six bods. It’s your best way out the car short of a giant can opener.

Hank: Uh, okay. How do I—?

Adrian: Just concentrate on your shared waist and tell it to divide and separate. Don’t worry, the pants will separate too, that’s part of the magic.

Hank: Uh, okay. So it’s divide and separate divide and separate—dude, it’s working, I have a whole separate body lying on top.

Adrian: Good work. Keep going.

Hank: Will it still be all normal? I mean, for me to be—divided up?

Adrian: Oh yeah, it’s all covered.

Hank: I’m making the top bod roll off into the passenger seat, and—wow, I can see what I look like through those eyes, this huge mound of hot body, and—shit, my new body is pulling down his pants and, fuck, cumming all over us!!!

Adrian: Fuck.

Hank: Dude, I’m doing all my cumming through him, he’d cumming for my whole bod, blasting gallons of cum on me and himself and—fuuuuuck

Adrian: Shit, Hank, you’re making me blow again too. Shit. Shit, god, so much cum.

Hank: I know, it’s—dude I’m watching my new hunky 11-foot-tall bod blow load after load and feeling it too and watching my huge five-torso bod through his eyes and oh god I’m cumming again

Adrian: Tell me, I want to know how it looks, how it feels, I’m …. god, still cumming, oh geez.

Hank: I’m staring at his cocks as they blow these enormous loads and they’re so gorgeous—four of these 19-inch monster cocks, man, wide and tall like surfboards dude! And shooting endless streams of hot cum all over! Fucking awesome!

Adrian: Wow. Uhhhhh wow.

Hank: Finally tailing off. That was intense. I wish I could lie here and just feel the rush but I’m drenched in cum and, I just realized … the car is … more crowded now.

Adrian: Why?

Hank: Extra arms dude. All my torsos and my new bod. We all have six arms, dude. What did you put in my cum??

Adrian: Oh, just an extra booster for the first time. I figured it might be Jay but I was kinda hoping for this.

Hank: Not complaining, dude. But now I really gotta get out of this car. My new bod is getting out on the passenger side now, looking fucking amazing all glistening with cum in the sunlight. Now I’m separating again… he’s rolling off and getting out… and again… and … hmm. You know…

Adrian: What?

Hank: I might just try—yes, I can do it, the rest of my bod is juuuust able to squeeze out the driver’s side. Wow, I'm really limber now. So, cool, no more need to separate.

Adrian: So, wait, you’ve separated off three bods, but you’re keeping your original bod with, what, six legs and three torsos?

Hank: Sounds like fun, right? Man, I am ripped now. I thought I’d be all skinny and stuff at 11 feet tall but, man, I’m jacked all over.

Adrian: Fuck yeah. Whoa, I just noticed. Keith the intern has eight arms now! He’s grinning like a nut and using all of them to stroke my eight-foot boners. Feels amazing with even more hands and all slick with cum.

Hank: Sounds like a vicious cycle to me, dude. You so need to send me that video.

Adrian: Only if you send me the vid of what you do to your buddy Jay ;).

Hank: It’s a deal, bro. In fact I think I’m going to go over to the b-ball practice and—inspire him.

Adrian: Without even showering off all the cum? Hard core, buddy.

Hank: Totally. I can’t wait. So—I gotta go. Bye, Adrian. Thanks for everything, dude.

Adrian: Bye, Hank, and thank you for using Metabods Support Line.

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