Thank you for using the Metabods Support Line text service. You are about to be connected to operator Adrian.
Adrian: Thanks for contacting MSL, how can I help you?
Adrian: Hi. What can I help you with, Davey?
Davey: How do you know my name??
Adrian: It’s automatically sent when you log into the service. How can I help?
Davey: But I’m logged in as my roommate, and you know my real name.
Adrian: Oh, sorry. I forgot I recently got that telepathy upgrade.
Davey: Your computer has telepathy??
Adrian: No no, I got it as a perk for fiscal year bonuses. But I’m not supposed to use it during calls, they’re really strict about that. I’m switching it off.
Adrian: Okay, it’s off. How can I help you, “anonymous caller”?
Davey: Heh. Well, it’s kind of embarrassing.
Adrian: Believe me, I’ve only been here a few months and I’ve already heard it all.
Davey: Um. Well, something happened to me and I think you guys did it.
Adrian: What happened?
Davey: Well, when I woke up this morning my dick was …….
Adrian: Bigger? Doubled? Prehensile?
Davey: What? No, it was just bigger.
Davey: A lot bigger.
Davey: It was the size of one of my legs.
Adrian: It wasn’t that big before? Are you sure?
Davey: Uhhhhh… yeah I’m sure.
Adrian: And why do you think this involves us?
Davey: Who else would it be? 4Chan? Wikipedia?
Adrian: There’s some weird shit at 4Chan.
Davey: Dude, are you an idiot?
Adrian: So what’s your membership number? Or the last four of your social if you need me to look it up.
Davey: I’m not a member. I mean, I have a member. I have this enormous member that’s spilling off my chair and onto the carpet. Which sucks because the carpet is itchy. But I’m not a member of your site.
Adrian: Sorry Davey, there’s no way. All our transforms are accessible only on a secure area of the site. And even then you have to receive and confirm an email.
Davey: Oh. Uh, well, like I said, I’m logged in as my roommate. I’m on his laptop while he’s on his honeymoon with this guy he met a few months ago. He said he didn’t want any distractions.
Adrian: I see. So… Did you visit the site yesterday? Logged in as him?
Adrian: The secure area?
Davey: Yeah. Look, the browser had his username and password stored, right?
Adrian: Davey, did you download anything?
Davey: Look, can you fix this or not??? I gotta go to chem lab in an hour.
Adrian: Well, the problem is that I’m not allowed to do any modifications for nonmembers.
Davey: But it’s for a member. It’s just not the member’s … member.
Adrian: Can we stop with the “member” thing?
Adrian: I can’t undo the mod on you. But I may be able to do a workaround.
Davey: Which is?
Adrian: What I might be able to do is swap his dick with yours. That counts as a change to him. And then I can fix the size, because the leg-sized wondercock be his dick now.
Davey: Okay, sounds great. He’s probably asleep anyway, it’s five hours earlier in Hawaii. Whoa, okay, you should do it now… before this thing gets hard.
Adrian: … Is it likely to get hard?
Davey: Maybe. I’ve been browsing porn while we chat.
Adrian: Is that wise?
Davey: I always browse porn. Can we do this? I feel it tingling.
Adrian: Okay. Step 1: I’m swapping his cock with yours … now.
Adrian: Davey? What do you see?
Davey: It got bigger.
Davey: Sorry, I guess I should say they get bigger.
Adrian: Are you telling me you now have two cocks that are bigger than your legs?
Davey: Yeah. Oh, and I have four of those now. You guys really suck at this.
Adrian: That’s very strange, that shouldn’t have happened.
Davey: No kidding.
Adrian: Let me check into this a second.
Davey: I’m calling the attorney general on you guys.
Adrian: Just hang on, hang on… Oh, okay, I see what happened. The mod you downloaded last night actually affected both of you. And since he has two cocks, one between each pair of legs, when I swapped your junk with his you had to have two pairs of legs to accommodate the two cocks. Make sense?
Davey: But Preston doesn’t have four legs.
Adrian: Oh, he’s got premium membership, so he got automatic stealth mode for his extra limbs. Bet you didn’t know he has lots of arms, huh? Go ahead, guess how many.
Davey: Maybe later. Can we get back to me now? Because I don’t to start throwing around twin punching-bag-sized boners in my chem lab and knocking over all the equipment and shit, okay?
Adrian: Uh, sure. Okay, first we need to swap your cock with your roommate’s again, since it didn’t help and he should have his own cocks. Executing now.
Davey: Nothing happened. They’re still here, and still bigger than before.
Adrian: Really? Oh, I forgot about the automatic 20% cock upgrade for all multi-legged guys. So, those are definitely your cocks, they’re just upgraded.
Davey: But the extra legs should have gone away, too, right? And so I shouldn’t have gotten the upgrade, right?
Adrian: Sorry, there’s nothing I can do about the legs.
Adrian: They didn’t happens as part of a member-purchased mod, so I can’t reverse them.
Davey: You guys suck SO BAD. I’m sitting in my own lap with two enormous soft cocks the size of a small person snuggling and rubbing each other and there’s fucking nothing you can do?
Adrian: Look, tell you what. I feel bad about this, so what I can do is swap your cocks with mine. Then I can do the resize on myself.
Davey: Are your cocks … normal sized?
Adrian: Well, not exactly.
Davey: Meaning what??
Adrian: Look, they’re smaller than what you have now, and that’s what you need for the short term, right? Okay, executing now.
Davey: Wait—! Oh Jesus fucking Christ.
Adrian: Wow, Davey, these really are huge! I might just keep them though. I’ve never tried having cocks this big. Whoa, and they’re growers!!
Davey: Dude, this is NOT the fix I asked for.
Adrian: What? Oh, well, you don’t have these two monsters anymore, right? By the way, my other body is measuring them now. They clock in at … wow, six and a half feet long, hard. I’m definitely keeping these for a while.
Davey: That’s great, but can we talk about how I now have like a dozen of these 15-inch surfboard shaped boners? In each crotch? All of them leaking precum like a broken drinking fountain?
Adrian: Oh, that’s not precum, that’s cum. I’ve been trying out the new constant cummers mod. It’s awesome, right? You get this constant low-grade orgasm, it’s amazing.
Davey: Is that what that is? It does feel … um… mmmmmmmm…
Adrian: I know, right?
Davey: … Wait, “constant”? You mean they’re jizzing al the time? Even when they’re soft?
Adrian: Oh, they don’t get soft.
Adrian: Try tasting the cum, it’s like drinking a whiskey-semen cocktail.
Davey: Dude, can you tell me your full name? Because I’ll need it for the lawsuit.
Adrian: Okay, look, I’ll turn off the constant cum feature. There, how’s that.
Davey: Well, they’re not cumming anymore. Which is something, I guess. Though it still feels a little like I’m cumming.
Adrian: Good. Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?
Davey: Wait! I still have two dozen monster boners!
Davey: I don’t want this many cocks! Or legs!
Adrian: I told you, ship has sailed on the legs. They’re stealth mode, so no one will see them unless you’re hard.
Davey: Which I now am all the time thanks to you, apparently.
Adrian: Besides, I think they look nice on you. Do you play soccer, or—oh, I see it now, you’re on the swim team at university. Very sexy.
Davey: You told me you turned the telepathy thing OFF.
Adrian: Oh, right. Actually I can’t turn it “off” off, but I’ll try to keep it at bay.
Davey: Dude, you’re driving me crazy. I want fewer cocks. PLEASE.
Adrian: That’s one I don’t hear often. Anyway, the version of cock I had, which you now have, is—oh, it says here in the catalog they’re detachable. Try pulling one of them off.
Davey: Okay. Oh FUCK ME.
Adrian: What happened?
Davey: Two more huge boners popped up in its place!
Adrian: Right, but those two new guys are also detachable.
Davey: ARRRRGGHH!! Look. Buddy. Dude. Please, can you help me out? Can you make it so I can go to chem lab somehow? I’m gonna be late now, and since I’m a chem major this stuff is kind of important to me.
Adrian: I’m not sure if … Okay, I think what I can do is give you the “no freak” mod. I have discretion to give that out to new clients, and I guess you … sort of count as a new client, in a way. Oh shit!!
Adrian: Nothing, my new six-foot boners are attracting some … uh, admirers from the neighboring cubes. I forgot they were sticking out into the hallway. I may be kind of
Adrian: What? Uh, distracted for the rest of this call.
Davey: How would I tell?
Adrian: What were we—? Oh, the “no freak” mod. So you can make it so other people think it’s no big deal you’re like this, or that you were always like this, or both. You pick.
Davey: Okay, both.
Adrian: You sure? Because that way, everyone will know you as having always had this body, and everyone will think it’s no big deal.
Davey: Yeah, just do it. I need to motor.
Adrian: Okay… All, right, it’s all set. Anything else I can help you with tonight?
Davey: Wait! Wait! Why do I have like twice as many cocks now??
Adrian: Well, you’ve always been like this, right? I don’t know for sure, but it’s my experience that people with detachable cocks like to give them away.
Davey: Fuck. I don’t even known how many boners I have now. It feels … unhnnn … they NEVER get soft?
Adrian: Nope. Awesome sensation, all of that iron flesh pressing hard against each other?
Davey: Yeah … uh … oh god I’m gonna blow a huge wad here—
Adrian: Davey, you still there?
Davey: Dude, I just came a quart of cum out of all these cocks. I was like …. like forty firehoses!!
Adrian: Oh yeah, the supercum upgrade. I forgot that’s a promotion we’ve got tied to the “no freak” mod this month. Yeah, that’s awesome. And you’ll find that your cum has some … interesting properties now.
Adrian: I think that’s all I can do for you. Enjoy chem lab!
Davey: Yeah. You know, I might just skip it today. I’ve got some experiments of my own to conduct.
Thank you for using the Metabods Support Line text service. You are about to be connected to operator Adrian.
Adrian: Thanks for contacting MSL, how can I help you?
Hank: Hey, tech support dude, you guys fouled up and now I’m totally screwed. You need to fix what your Change Yourself app did to me. You gotta do it fast!
Adrian: I can certainly help with that. What’s the CY app doing that you’re not expecting?
Hank: It’s all messed up, tech dude! It’s changing the wrong things! Where’s the undo?
Adrian: Oh, there’s no undo.
Adrian: Why would you need an undo?
Hank: Dude, I am hunkered down hiding in my car right now, and I get out of the car and you haven’t fixed this, then everybody’s going to stare at me ‘cause I’m the freak with ten legs!!
Adrian: No, they won’t.
Hank: Trust me, bro. I don’t know about where you are but, seriously, ten legs is not normal at this school. I’m a senior, dude, I’m going to walk at commencement in six weeks and I’m gonna be this ten-legged freakazoid!
Adrian: Wow, that’s a hot image though. Ten legs sticking out the bottom of commencement robes. Chinos—will you be wearing chinos? All that demin. Or do what I did—no pants. Just shoes, lots of shoes. Fuck, that’s hot.
Hank: Not the point dude!
Adrian: You gotta admit it’s a hot image.
Hank: Fuck yeah, it’s way hot. But so not the point!
Adrian: Look, no one’s going to laugh at you. They won’t notice, it’s built in.
Hank: They will, man. They have.
Adrian: No way. The CY app has a built-in everyone’s-cool-with-it module. And an optional always-looked-like-that module, which almost everyone adds on at checkout. I’m checking your account and—yep, you have it. When you add ten legs, everyone’s like, “Cool, ten legs. I always liked how those looked on you.”
Hank: Yeah, bro, except I didn’t add legs. I added cocks.
Adrian: I’m not following.
Hank: I told you, the code for this app is wrecked! You click on “add cocks”, it adds legs instead!
Adrian: Oh. Uh… that’s not … normal behavior. Maybe it … downloaded wrong, or … What happened exactly?
Hank: I was playing around with it in my car in the school parking lot, and I figured, hey, add a second cock, that sounds awesome.
Adrian: It totally is, by the way. Wait, you started fiddling with your bod right before school? That’s—bold.
Hank: Nah, man, after. I’m not a dumbass.
Adrian: Oh, okay. Go on.
Hank: So I clicked on “add cock”, like you’re supposed to, I read all the directions and everything. Only instead of more junk I got more of something completely different!!
Adrian: Wait, so you went to add a second cock and it added eight new legs?
Hank: Dude, I had to keep trying it to see if it would work.
Hank: And then I’m sitting there with this wild pile of legs in front of me and I look up and my best buddy Jay is showing up to b-ball practice and he’s standing there next to the car, and he’s looking down at me—
Adrian: What did you look like?
Hank: Like usual for me, bro. You know, these great old Billabong chinos and no shirt, ‘cause people like my upper bod, right? Only my chinos are these wild ten-legged chinos on account of I have ten legs! And he’s all goggle-eyed, and he’s like, “Dude, did your extra cocks turn into legs??”
Adrian: Wait, he was expecting you to have extra cocks, not extra legs?
Hank: Totally, I was freaking out.
Adrian: That must mean the “normalizing” modules worked perfectly when you tried to add cocks—so having ten cocks was now the new normal for you. But the app itself completely mistargeted, and you got legs instead.
Hank: And listen, bro, they are definitely not “everyone’s-cool-with-it” legs. You should have seen the look on Jay’s face.
Adrian: What did you do?
Hank: What do you think I did? I said, “Ha, ha, gotcha!” And he laughed and said it was a great prank and all and took a frickin’ picture with his phone so he could tweet this great prank I did and I laughed too, ha ha, and I told him I’d meet up with him later at the diner after his prctice and then as soon as he was gone I slid down in my seat and texted you!
Adrian: Whoa, cool story. So you’re having an actual emergency. That’s exciting!
Adrian: Right. Right. So did he already post the pic? Can you send it to me? For your file, I mean.
Hank: Uh, yeah. Sure, hang on a minute. Okay, I’m sending the link.
Adrian: Okay. Oh, wow. That’s hot. You are really cute already, but those legs are amazing.
Hank: Thanks, but, dude, you gotta fix this.
Adrian: Right. The problem is, this—this isn’t a documented bug. So there isn’t a fix or a workaround or anything.
Hank: I don’t care. You have to take care of me, man! I’m begging you!
Adrian: Okay, okay. Okay. Just stay calm, and, yeah. Um, I think what we have to do is figure out where the crossed wire is, so to speak. What happens when you actually try to add legs?
Hank: You want me to try “add legs” with this busted freakmaker?
Adrian: Yes. I know it sounds crazy.
Hank: It sounds demented, bro.
Adrian: I know, but hear me out. If trying “add legs” gives you cocks then we’re golden—it’s just backwards. Easy fix, plus you have a way to make your legs seem normal. Just give it a try. Go to the “extras” menu and—
Hank: I know how it works. You sure about this?
Adrian: It’s definitely the next step.
Hank: Fine. Okay, I’m telling it to add a pair of legs.
Hank: Okay, fuck…
Adrian: What is it?
Adrian: What happened?
Hank: I just grew a foot, dude.
Adrian: Just the foot, not the whole leg?
Hank: No, jughead, I just grew a foot taller.
Adrian: Oh, well, that’s not so bad.
Hank: It happened all at once, dude. Rammed right into the roof of my car. Totally coulda split my skull open.
Adrian: Oh, sorry.
Hank: Man, I thought seeing stars was just for cartoons, bro. Ow! Fuck!!
Adrian: Sorry. But the good news is, we do have a way to normalize your legs.
Hank: But, dude, if I add three more “pairs of legs” I’ll be ten feet tall!
Adrian: Yeah, but that’s easy to explain. Just say you were doing pull-ups and suddenly got stretch-flu.
Adrian: Yeah! Stretchy-flu! It’s a thing.
Hank: It’s real? People get “stretchy-flu”?
Adrian: No, no. It’s a Metabods-engineered buzzword. There’s like three dozen of ‘em in general circulation. Socially preprogrammed. Everyone’ll accept someone getting “stretchy-flu” without any fuss or doubt.
Hank: I’m not saying I got “stretchy flu”! Sounds like something from Li’l Abner, dude.
Adrian: It’s really not that—wait, you know Li’l Abner?
Hank: Legacy comics are awesome dude. Plus he’s totally hunked out.
Adrian: Oh. Okay, but what about “stretchy flu”? It’s definitely the easiest way to do this.
Hank: I’m not saying it!
Adrian: Okay, we can call that Plan B.
Hank: We can call it Plan Suck.
Adrian: Okay, okay. So then we need to finish telling the app to add legs so they’ll normalize. Then we can deal with the height the same way.
Hank: But I’ll be ten feet tall, dude!
Adrian: You just need to finish adding the “legs”, and then start adding “height” to mask the height. And, at the same time, we’ll find out what that really does! That’s really the first stage of what the software guys need to know anyway.
Hank: Dude. Is this really your trouble-shooting process?? I’m already staring at this, like, heap of legs.
Hank: I mean, they feel great, all piled on each other like this, and the way my beat-up old chinos ended up ten-legged is kind of hot.
Hank: Actually I’m totally boned and I don’t even know how many cocks I have down there right now.
Hank: But—but that is so not the point!
Adrian: Look, Hank, it’s simple. Mapping out how the bug works is the only way to find out how to fix it.
Hank: Uh huh.
Adrian: Trust me!
Hank: Really not feeling the trust, bro.
Adrian: Okay, let’s do this. I just checked with the app development team while we were chatting. If you finish adding the “legs”, which will actually add height but normalize the legs—and then you add “height”, which will do something we don’t know yet but normalize the height—we should have enough info for the app dev team to trace the bug. We can stop there!
Hank: But then, I dunno, I’ll have these four new additions of something—we don’t even know what—and it won’t be normalized!
Adrian: Yes it will. I’ve been authorized to issue a manual normalization on whatever your final freakiness is.
Hank: My final freakiness?!
Adrian: Just do it, you’ll be fine. The sooner you do your stuff, the sooner I can do mine.
Hank: What do you mean, do yours?
Adrian: Er, well, your—predicament is really turning me on. And I need to take care of my cocks before people complain I’m blocking traffic in the aisles.
Hank: Well, dude, I—wait, what do you mean “blocking traffic”? How big are your cocks, bro?
Adrian: They’re—well, they were about 6 and a half feet long hard, but they got bigger when I won the cock-doubling office raffle last week.
Hank: Oh yeah? That’s … uh, wow.
Adrian: Personally, I think they made sure I won.
Hank: I’ll bet.
Adrian: I mean, it’s not every office that has a extra-buff Ryan-Gosling-lookalike jocktaur with four 8-foot-long iron-hard boners.
Hank: W-wow. I’m surprised they put you anywhere that those boys could get in the way.
Adrian: It’s the other way around. People like to visit them. I got this supercute four-armed intern stroking my two front boners right now. Of course, they’re sticking right into his cube and onto his lap, so, you can’t blame him.
Hank: Dude, you’re gonna make me cum. I dunno why I’m feeling this but I kinda want to be a freak like you. Shit, I’m doing it. I’m putting my seat back so I can add the “legs” that are really height thing.
Adrian: Go for it. Hot buff ten foot dude with ten hot legs. Do it!
Hank: Okay, I’m all laid back horizontal. I’m clicking on “add legs” … once … twice … whoa, it feels so good growing like this. I’m growing all over!
Adrian: Yeah, our height increase makes everything bigger. Especially feet. And cocks.
Hank: Damn, my feet feel huge. And I have so much huge boner in my pants!
Adrian: Keep going.
Hank: Right, right. Three times … four times …
Adrian: Wait! You only needed to add four! To match the four extra pairs of legs!
Hank: That was four! Oh, but, shit, I already did it once before. Fuck, I did an extra one. Dude, I’m 11 feet tall now.
Adrian: Okay, that’s hot, but now we have a different problem. Everyone will think you have 12 legs but you have only 10. That can freak people out as much as not being normalized at all.
Adrian: Trust me. When I won that raffle and my cocks were doubled only two of them were still normalized, and I made four guys faint in Whole Foods before I realized what happened!
Hank: So, what—? I gotta add another pair of legs? To match reality with the normalizing thing?
Adrian: Yeah. Remember, that’s mislinked to “add cock”.
Hank: Okay, doing it now. I—oh shit!! Oh shit!!! What the fuck??
Adrian: What? Oh, wow, I totally forgot. Upgrading to a dozen legs has an automatic bonus with that app, your cocks get doubled. Quantity and size!
Hank: Oh shiiiit. Dude I feel like I got a hundred cocks down there.
Adrian: Eh, probably only about half that…
Hank: All huuuuuge and hard as shit and, like, totally on the edge of blasting cum for an hour.
Adrian: Unhhh… hell, me too. Let’s finish you up and then we can both let loose our cum waves. We just gotta do the last round. Ready to add “height”?
Hank: I’m ready for fucking anything, bro.
Adrian: Remember to just add five. Go!
Hank: Doing it. Once … oh. Oh wow.
Hank: This—this is too wild. Holy fuck!
Adrian: What? What did it do??
Hank: I—I grew another torso, dude!!
Adrian: What?? That’s not even—the CY app doesn’t even offer that transformation!
Hank: Another torso. Another me, dude, from like the belly-button up. Lying back on my chest. Only, it’s not another me. I can feel both! Wow, even my phone got duped. We’re both holding an iPhone chatting.
Hank: Hey this is me using my other torso, wow, this is so amazing! I love this!!
Adrian: Keep going keep going keep going
Hank: Holy mother of cum. Adding a second time, shit, another torso. Third… fourth!! Fifth!!!
Adrian: Fuck, Hank, you gotta see this, I am blasting all over Keith the intern. Literally all over. Oh god, I’m cumming with all four of my enormous cocks…!
Hank: Wow. Don’t tell me that, bro. I gotta—I gotta hold back, I can’t cum in my pants, but I am sooo close.
Adrian: Unh, I’m still cumming. Uhhhhh, hold on. Give me a second.
Hank: Blast away dude.
Adrian: God. Heh, poor Keith looks like he fell in a lake of cum. I gotta go find the cam footage of this, they always have video rolling on this part of the office just in case of shit like this.
Hank: Man. I’d love to see that. Does he love it?
Adrian: Yeah, definitely yeah. Especially since my cum—well, with all the upgrades and tfs I’ve had, it’s kinda strong, I think it’s going to—yes! Aw, man, that’s amazingly hot.
Hank: What, bro?
Adrian: My cum, it—it made him grow an extra pair of arms.
Hank: Wow. Did you know it would do that?
Adrian: Ha, how do you think he ended up with four arms in the first place?
Hank: Totally excellent. I kinda wish my cum could do that. I’d cum all over Jay in a second!
Adrian: Hold that thought. Now that we know what the last change is, I can put through that manual “normalize” now, and, let’s just say I’m slipping in something extra for your cum as a promotional freebie. Just a little bit of hotness-booster, pretty low-grade at first, but if you keep blasting on him it might have some—unexpected side effects.
Hank: Dude, you’re amazing.
Adrian: I know.
Hank: Wait, what happens when I cum on myself?
Adrian: Cumming is cumming, buddy. Your cum doesn’t know who it’s cumming on.
Adrian: Okay, you’re all set! Completely normalized in your new bod!
Hank: Except … dude, we have a new problem. I can’t get out of the car.
Hank: Dude, I’m totally serious! I got this huge pile of legs and this stack of torsos pressed against the roof of the car already and, and—shit, I’m trapped, bro!
Adrian: Okay, okay. Calm down. Let me think. Wait. You have six pairs of legs and six torsos, right?
Hank: Yeah, man! I’m filling up half the car! Fuck, I should never have gotten a Prius, man.
Adrian: Listen, there’s this thing. It almst never comes up because there’s usually a mismatch. But, if you have the same number of torsos as you do pairs of legs you can break yourself apart into separate bodies, and rejoin again later at any time.
Hank: Break myself apart into separate—you mean I’d be six people?
Adrian: Well, one people, six bods. It’s your best way out the car short of a giant can opener.
Hank: Uh, okay. How do I—?
Adrian: Just concentrate on your shared waist and tell it to divide and separate. Don’t worry, the pants will separate too, that’s part of the magic.
Hank: Uh, okay. So it’s divide and separate— divide and separate—dude, it’s working, I have a whole separate body lying on top.
Adrian: Good work. Keep going.
Hank: Will it still be all normal? I mean, for me to be—divided up?
Adrian: Oh yeah, it’s all covered.
Hank: I’m making the top bod roll off into the passenger seat, and—wow, I can see what I look like through those eyes, this huge mound of hot body, and—shit, my new body is pulling down his pants and, fuck, cumming all over us!!!
Hank: Dude, I’m doing all my cumming through him, he’d cumming for my whole bod, blasting gallons of cum on me and himself and—fuuuuuck
Adrian: Shit, Hank, you’re making me blow again too. Shit. Shit, god, so much cum.
Hank: I know, it’s—dude I’m watching my new hunky 11-foot-tall bod blow load after load and feeling it too and watching my huge five-torso bod through his eyes and oh god I’m cumming again
Adrian: Tell me, I want to know how it looks, how it feels, I’m …. god, still cumming, oh geez.
Hank: I’m staring at his cocks as they blow these enormous loads and they’re so gorgeous—four of these 19-inch monster cocks, man, wide and tall like surfboards dude! And shooting endless streams of hot cum all over! Fucking awesome!
Adrian: Wow. Uhhhhh wow.
Hank: Finally tailing off. That was intense. I wish I could lie here and just feel the rush but I’m drenched in cum and, I just realized … the car is … more crowded now.
Hank: Extra arms dude. All my torsos and my new bod. We all have six arms, dude. What did you put in my cum??
Adrian: Oh, just an extra booster for the first time. I figured it might be Jay but I was kinda hoping for this.
Hank: Not complaining, dude. But now I really gotta get out of this car. My new bod is getting out on the passenger side now, looking fucking amazing all glistening with cum in the sunlight. Now I’m separating again… he’s rolling off and getting out… and again… and … hmm. You know…
Hank: I might just try—yes, I can do it, the rest of my bod is juuuust able to squeeze out the driver’s side. Wow, I'm really limber now. So, cool, no more need to separate.
Adrian: So, wait, you’ve separated off three bods, but you’re keeping your original bod with, what, six legs and three torsos?
Hank: Sounds like fun, right? Man, I am ripped now. I thought I’d be all skinny and stuff at 11 feet tall but, man, I’m jacked all over.
Adrian: Fuck yeah. Whoa, I just noticed. Keith the intern has eight arms now! He’s grinning like a nut and using all of them to stroke my eight-foot boners. Feels amazing with even more hands and all slick with cum.
Hank: Sounds like a vicious cycle to me, dude. You so need to send me that video.
Adrian: Only if you send me the vid of what you do to your buddy Jay ;).
Hank: It’s a deal, bro. In fact I think I’m going to go over to the b-ball practice and—inspire him.
Adrian: Without even showering off all the cum? Hard core, buddy.
Hank: Totally. I can’t wait. So—I gotta go. Bye, Adrian. Thanks for everything, dude.
Adrian: Bye, Hank, and thank you for using Metabods Support Line.
Thank you for using the Metabods Support Line text service. You are about to be connected to operator Tate.
Tate: Thanks for contacting MSL, how can I help you?
Dante: Hey, uh, I don’t know who you guys are, but for some reason you sent me a box of a dozen assorted dicks?
Tate: Great, congratulations! Enjoy. Anything else I can help you with?
Dante: No, but, wait, why did you send me a box of dicks? They’re, like, huge, too. And hard.
Tate: Well, why not?
Tate: Have you ordered from us recently? It could be a member perq. We do that sometimes.
Dante: No, like I said, I’ve never even heard of you guys before.
Tate: Hm. Maybe you forgot.
Dante: What do you guys do again?
Tate: Oh, all sorts of things. Body upgrades, height boosts, extra limbs, twinning…
Dante: Yeah, I would’ve remembered that.
Tate: Plus all kinds of cock stuff. Bigger cocks, extra cocks, lotsa cocks…
Dante: You’re pretty enthusiastic about your cock-related services.
Tate: Wouldn’t you be?
Dante: Let me guess, there’s an employee discount.
Tate: In a manner of speaking. We get to try out a lot of the new offerings. Actually, the box of dicks is a new promotion, and I got to be one of the dicks!
Dante: Wait, so one of the dicks in this box is modeled on your dick?
Tate: Even better. One of the dicks in that box is my dick!
Dante: Huh? How does that work?
Tate: It’s awesome. Everyone who participated got an upgrade to detachable dick, right? Then it’s easy, just snap off your boner, hand it to the guys in charge of mass replication, then voila! A thousand copies of your dick are gently dispersed across the world like dandelion seeds floating on the breeze.
Dante: That’s… So you just snapped off your dick and gave it to the production team, and now you’re sitting there with no dick?
Tate: No, silly. When you’re set up with the standard detachable package, whatever you pull off grows back after an hour.
Dante: Oh, of course.
Tate: It feels really nice, too, when your boner reappears. I mean, crazy amazing. Like, at least half an orgasm. I offered to sit around for a week and just keep snapping off my dick every time it grew back, but they said that wasn’t very efficient.
Dante: Yeah, I can see that.
Tate: Plus every time a detachable dick grows back of course it’s a little bigger, and while I wouldn’t have minded that I think they placed a greater value on uniformity of product.
Dante: …Understandable. Let me guess, you probably pull your dick off every once in a while just so it grows back bigger.
Tate: Actually I pull my dicks off every once in a while because it feels really good when they grow back, you have no idea. The bigger thing is just a bonus.
Dante: Ah. Wait—”dicks”? No, wait, don’t tell me. Once you’ve pulled them off you can stick them back on, even if you’ve already regrown a new one, right?
Tate: Exactly! Are you sure you’re not one of our VIP members? You sound like you know your way around a detachable dick.
Dante: Nah, I’ve just seen a lot of weird stuff in my line of work.
Tate: Yeah? What do you do?
Dante: I do in-home repairs for a high-end electronics retailer.
Tate: Oh, wow. So is it true that rich folks are ten times weirder than regular people?
Dante: At least. One of the guys I do servicing for? He just found his long-lost twin brother, so now they’re living together and it’s pretty obvious they’re fucking like rabbits. It’s.. well, it’s kind of hot, actually. They both look like these perfect, blond, hunky Greek gods—or, I guess, the same perfect, blond, hunky Greek god. You know, if Greek gods had split-level smart houses and home a/v systems you’d rip your arm off to have even if it didn’t grow back.
Tate: Wait, that’s it! These twins, do they like you?
Dante: Sure, I guess. We talk about soccer when I get called out there, they’re both huge soccer nuts.
Tate: No, I mean, do they, you know, like you?
Dante: Oh. Uh, well, I guess. I mean, they’re too nice to come out and say it, but I kind of get the feeling they’re into me? I’m pretty good-looking, and I kind of have that kind of rough-edged, broad-shouldered alpha look, it gets a lot of attention, so…
Tate: People ever ask you if you’ll work shirtless?
Dante: Uh, yeah, it’s happened. I don’t though, usually.
Tate: Well, there you go. Mystery solved!
Dante: Wait, what mystery?
Tate: The origin of your mysterious box of dicks! I’ll bet my middle hard-on that your clients are also our clients, and furthermore that they’ve been so impressed with your work they went ahead and gave you a referral with us as a thank-you bonus. Let me just check the referral list real quick.
Dante: Your client? But they’re already… Ohhh, wait. You said “twinning” before. Fuck, now it all makes sense. Luca was so hot for himself he splurged and got himself twinned, just so he could actually, finally make out with that face in the mirror he’s so attracted to, and spends so much time lusting after.
Tate: Hmm, sounds to me like you’re familiar with the concept…
Dante: Heh. So did you find me? On your list?
Tate: Dante Marino, right? Wow, they did like you, a referral and a big gift card. Nice name, by the way.
Dante: Thanks. You’re Tate, you said, right? I like that, too. And… one of these in the box is yours, huh?
Tate: Yes! Send me a pic and I’ll tell you which one.
Dante: Oh, okay. Here you go.
Tate: No, silly, I meant of the dicks.
Dante: Oh. I thought it was, like your price. People like to have pics of me, so…
Tate: No kidding. Man, you were underselling yourself when you said you were just pretty good-looking. Here, just so we’re even, I’ll send one of me.
Dante: Thanks. Wow, very cute! I want to scratch you behind the ears. The glasses are a nice touch, that nerd-twunk look is very popular these days, especially topless like that. The bright purple eyes must be one of those employee benefits, right?
Tate: Okay, yes. Though they were violet before, so it’s not all mod. You’re definitely hotter than me, though. So fucking hot, like you could get a million sponsorships on social media just for posting pictures of you with that wavy dark hair and smooth golden skin and roughish smile. Honestly I kind of want to marry you right now.
Dante: I hear that a lot, actually. My eyes are just regular brown though.
Tate: They’re captivating, dude. If I weren’t hard already… man! And this is just the face!
Dante: Um… here’s that picture of the, uh, dicks you asked for.
Tate: Aw, adorably modest, too. Yep, that’s mine in the top left.
Dante: That one’s yours?
Tate: Yep. You like it?
Dante: It’s so huge. And fucking beautiful. I like how pale it is, the way it makes the red tinge around the upper shaft kind of stand out.
Tate: I know, right?
Dante: It’s so huge though. It’s, like, twice the size of the smallest one, the tan one it’s sort of snuggling with, next to the double-wide two-headed one. And the tan one’s only a little smaller than mine is.
Tate: Lucky you. The tan one belongs to Freddy in payroll, by the way. He’s a snuggler in real life, too. Right now he’s got, like twelve arms, too, so it’s pretty amazing.
Dante: Huh. Should I ask how many arms you have?
Tate: Uh, enough to jack off with and still keep this convo going, let’s say that. Theoretically, because of course I’d never actively jack myself while I was on a call.
Dante: Of course not. Holy shit, it’s warm. And, you can feel the blood thrumming through it.
Tate: Yeah, dude, it’s my dick. Mm, your hands are just a little callused, I kind of like that.
Dante: Wait, you can feel it?
Tate: Sure, that’s the best part of detaching stuff, you still feel it afterwards. It makes for a lot of fun possibilities.
Dante: But didn’t you say there was a thousand of them out there? How do you deal with having a thousand dicks??
Tate: No, that would be crazy! Once they’re out of range you have to consciously connect to them, like I am right now with the one you’re… um… holding and moving your thumb along.
Dante: Is that okay?
Tate: Yes. It is okay. Yes. Significantly and abundantly.
Dante: Nice. So do you do that a lot? Connect to them, I mean.
Tate: Sometimes, when I’m bored of just sucking my own dicks. I can even connect to a few at once. There’s usually something going on with whichever ones I connect to. Though I have a few favorites.
Dante: I see. So if I pick up Freddy’s nice, thick slab here and stroke it against yours, he won’t feel it? Unless he’s decided to connect to it?
Tate: Oh, he’ll feel it, just very distantly, like, just a shadow of a hint of a hand job.
Dante: Even if he’s not connected to it? That must add up, still, across a thousand dicks all being played with.
Tate: Two thousand, actually, because Freddy gave them both the dicks he had at the time. There should be another one in there just like it.
Dante: Actually, yeah, there is. Hang on, I’ll add that one to the party.
Tate: Mm, that’s… yeah. So, um, Freddy. They grew back a lot bigger, too, Freddy’s. Which was weird. I think the regrow effect intensifies when you detach multiple dicks at once. But yeah, it adds up. Why do you think I’m boned all the time?
Dante: So you can feel what I’m doing now, rubbing Freddy’s big fat dicks along your totally wayyy huge monster cock hard-on?
Tate: Fuck, Dante. Are you kidding? Fuck yes, I can feel it.
Dante: Why is yours so massive, anyway? It’s, like, the size of four of my dicks.
Tate: Heh. Remember when I said we get to try out freebies? So I was in the beta testing for this trial feature that lets you grow or shrink your cock at will, a few millimeters at a time.
Dante: And I’m guessing the shrinking part didn’t work.
Tate: Wouldn’t know actually, never got around to trying it. Oh, that feels nice, the way you’re sliding our shafts together in your hand like that… be careful, though, don’t make Freddy’s dicks blow their load.
Dante: Why—wow, holy shit
Tate: Duude, you made Freddy cum!
Dante: Well, these two copies of his dicks just came, for sure, and fuck it’s a lot.
Tate: No, I mean, I messaged Freddy earlier in another window while we were talking, and he said he connected to those dicks. He must’ve felt everything. I think you made Freddy orgasm all over himself in real life, dude
Dante: Fuck, really? That’s… that’s pretty awesome. Will he get in trouble, though?
Tate: Naw. He’ll just have to get cleaned up, that’s what the interns are for.
Dante: That must be fun. Especially given the fact that Freddy’s cum tastes weirdly good.
Tate: Duuuude you’re licking my cock
Dante: I gotta get all the yummy jizz off it, man. It’s like, sausage-flavored gravy or something. Why is that?
Tate: Duuude, that tongue is…. Uh, Freddy’s jizz tastes like sausage? We totally offer that, he must have beta tested it.
Dante: I like it. What does yours taste like?
Tate: Unh, you’re really close to finding out…
Dante: Interesting. So this is what you feel all the time, whenever you connect to your dicks?
Tate: Yeah… yeah… Though not everyone is as… methodical as you are.
Dante: Thanks. There’s a lot of dick to take care of here. I’m going to have to use my whole mouth, I think.
Tate: Unh, Dante, dude.
Dante: So it’s not always this intense, though.
Tate: Not… quite. Maybe my connection with you is extra-strong, but, fuck, you’re really good at that.
Dante: Thanks. Honestly, I love that it’s this big, I could do this all day. I don’t know how you get any work done if you feel even a little of this from all a thousand cocks, dude.
Tate: Uh, yeah. It’s like, you get used to being turned on and kind of close? And cumming a lot? Sort of spontaneously?
Dante: Pleasure from a thousand cocks, no wonder.
Tate: Of course, the ones where they actually stuck it to themselves I can only feel fifty percent, but that’s still pretty cool…
Dante: Wait, I can stick this on?
Tate: Sure. A lot of guys stick Freddy’s on because normally they’re a couple sizes larger than they are and the idea of adding on two extra-large hard-ons is pretty irresistible, especially when they’re right there in your hands. There are, like, eight hundred guys walking around out there with two big, fat Freddy cocks in their jocks. Or the two-headed one you saw in there is popular, too. That’s Jonesy, in the Cardiff office.
Dante: But they don’t do yours as much?
Tate: Fuck, dude, your mouth is… uh, no, mine not so much as Freddy or Jonesy. I think most people think it’s too big.
Dante: Fuck that. The only thing holding me back from doing it right now is that it’ll look weird having one my size and one your size.
Tate: That’s no problem. They’ll even out over the course of, like twenty minutes or so.
Dante: Oh, so, they’ll average? Meet in the middle size-wise?
Tate: No, they’ll even out to the larger size.
Dante: Sold!! Wait—what happens if I add on Freddy’s dicks later, too?
Tate: Uhhh, same thing. Everything evens out to match the largest dude your mouth, I’m gonna cum soon
Dante: Yeah, yeah, me too. Just—hold on a sec. I want to feel it too. If I stick yours on we’ll both feel it, right?
Tate: Yeah, but—dude, you need to hurry—just—press the base to your crotch, next your own—
Dante: Oh fuck, Tate, your dick feels amazing, and it’s so big I can suck even now that it’s a part of me… wooowww oh fuck!!
Tate: Your mouth feels amazing. And your hands… and your hot, sweet mouth oh god
Dante: Tate, dude, I’m going to cum
Tate: We’re going to cum oh fuck oh fuck
Dante: … Dude you still there? That was amazing, I think I blacked out for a second
Tate: Dante, dude
Tate: Dude you’re still licking my cock
Dante: Haha, it’s still hard, man. Is it still as nice, now that you’re feeling it only 50 percent?
Tate: I don’t think I am, dude
Tate: I’m still getting all the sensations from it full blast
Dante: You mean, like… this?
Tate: FUUUUCK what are you doing to me
Dante: To us, dude. This is our cock now. We both feel everything from it.
Tate: I think I can feel your cock too. It’s still hard too, and all sticky and slippery and hot, and…
Tate: Dante, I think I can feel it growing. Is it growing already?
Dante: It is so growing. I got it in my left hand and I can feel it throbbing and swelling.
Tate: Me too. Fuck, this has never happened before.
Dante: I kind of like it.
Tate: I do too, so much. You being so beautiful helps. I love that I know what those sweet lips look like that you’ve got wrapped around our giant dick.
Dante: I’ll send you some videos later. Maybe we can do a Zoom self-suck session together or something.
Tate: We totally need to do that.
Dante: This is crazy. My original cock is already, like, most of the way to the size of yours.
Tate: I know, dude, just it growing like that feels gooood, especially with your hand just sort of loosely holding it like that as it grows
Dante: I know, right? Though I’m thinking I might need more than two hands to handle these monsters…
Tate: I did mention the gift card the Luca twins placed on your account, right?
Dante: So you did. I’ll have to look at the catalog later.
Tate: We’ve got some—mf—specials this month. And a few promo credits somehow made it onto your account—unh, yeah, keep doing that with your lips.
Dante: Will you be able to keep working while I do… stuff… like that?
Tate: I’m sure as fuck going to learn to, because I’m not going back and you are not allowed to pull my dick off again for any reason.
Dante: No worries there. This monster hard-on is ours now, and it’s not leaving my mouth if I can help it.
Tate: Fuck. Dude, you’re my new favorite person.
Dante: Likewise. Face to face, though, and soon. I want to do this while I’m looking you right in those stunning purple eyes of yours, Mr. Hot Nerd.
Tate: Same here, Mr. Swarthy Stud. Well… heck, I was already cumming a few times a day from the stimulation of a thousand cocks. A few more jizz eruptions a day won’t be too weird. Keeps the interns busy.
Dante: A thousand cocks. And here I only have four.
Tate: Dude, did you stick on Freddy’s too, already?
Dante: Yup. They’re speed-growing to match the size of our giant monster dicks as we speak.
Tate: Fuck, do you think he’ll keep the full connection like I did?
Dante: I don’t know, man. But we’re totally about to find out.