Penis food

by Josh Dugan

When you see an amazing infomercial don't forget to write down the number.

I usually don't watch infomercials because the stuff they offer is usually not of interest to me. But this one caught my attention one night while I was unable to shut off the images of the beautiful men I had seen that day, which played over and over in my mind.

I was flipping past the channels when this one infomercial caught my attention—it showed tall and handsome, broad-shouldered members of some indigenous tribe sitting relaxed together, loincloths off, their huge penises dipped in some kind of bowl that they held between their legs or rested on top of their legs if they were crossed.

The voice-over blathered on about some stupendous discovery that would change the way men viewed their sexual organs, but the footage, obviously shot by an amateur in some distant land, was remarkable in that the men's sexual organs appeared to be elongated and heavy, and actually drinking from the bowls in which their massive heads were dipped.

I had to stop what I was doing—sure enough, the handsome natives' giant penises were actively swallowing the sauce or pablum or whatever it was that was in the bowls. The men were smiling and looking relaxed and, naturally, aroused, enjoying the feeling of their huge penises as the penises continuously swallowed the contents of the bowls, which were steaming slightly.

There were credit-card symbols and toll free phone numbers annoying blocking the view of the footage during most of the infomercial, but the overhyped announcer's voice kept up the yammering harangue about ancient rites of passage and virility ceremonies and how you, too, could grow and double your virility—the guys were shown laughing and holding their hands under their giant genitalia, holding them up for the camera.

There were some good-looking young tourist guys there, too; the camera occasionally panned around enough to see them, also laughing and a bit more amazed-looking than their native counterparts, but with huge and really beautiful genitalia heavily dipped in and actually drinking from the rather large bowls of the celebrated sauce.

While the relentless sales pitch of the announcer pounded on, with the usual flashing graphics about limited time offers seen only on TV, et cetera, the amateur footage showed one of the tourist guys looking really turned on as the native guys placed extra bowls on either side of the bowl the tourist guy held between his long legs—extra penises were drinking from the bowls, and would follow the bowls around as the native guys moved them back and forth, laughing and enjoying the arousal of the cute young tourist guy. The guy looked totally turned on and dumbfounded to have grown not only one but three huge, beautiful penises that drank hungrily from the bowls.

As the infomercial rolled to its close, there was a final display of credit card symbols, flashing toll free numbers and limited offer signs, again blocking the images I was trying so hard to see—the naked natives and tourist guys were helping one another stand up, which was apparently not an easy task, and as their huge and often multiple penises swung around slowly, bumping and swelling on contact with other penises or the guys' bodies, you could tell that the guys' bodies were visibly taller and far more muscular.

I noticed that one or two of the tall, handsome heavily endowed natives appeared to be four-legged, but I couldn't tell if the tourist guys had become four-legged as well (I suspected they might if they hadn't already), but they were all laughing and holding each other up and playfully dealing with their huge, beautiful, intrusive penises, and the stupid informercial ended. Do you know I haven't been able to find it since, and of course I didn't write down the toll free number!

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