Good Johnson

By Cockatrice  Patreon
More Like This

• Latest update: 22 February. Next update: 7 March. (Submissions welcome.)

• Latest from BRK: “The elevator ride”; “Shadow and flame”, Parts 6‑7.

 

It was early in the morning when Colton was lying in bed. His alarm clock would not ring until half an hour later. But while he was still fast asleep, his dick was wide awake. Unlike other dicks, it has always been a bit of a thinker, unbeknownst to its owner.

Tonight it had thought about its life, or rather its owner’s life. It had thought about what it meant to be a good dick. Naturally, a dick should be used as a pleasure organ by its owner, and Colton’s dick was used a lot. But something made Colton’s dick unhappy. It wasn’t the amount of sex, it was the amount of people Colton had sex with. It was always a different hole or mouth every time. Meeting the same orifice twice was rare. Colton moved from partner to partner, never developing a bond with anyone. His dick meanwhile was craving for someone to love, someone to get to know. The life of moving from one to the next was making Colton’s dick unsatisfied.

It wondered whether that made it a bad dick. It was supposed to be just an organ. It was supposed to just perform its task, nothing more, nothing less. It was a dick, not a person.

But what if—

No, Colton’s dick shook the thought away. Other dicks carry through as well, regardless of how they feel. If they could do it, Colton’s dick could too.

But some doubt remained. As Colton’s dick was resting between its owner’s legs under the sheets, it couldn’t help but long for something it couldn’t have. If only it could live its own life…


Something was disturbing Colton’s sleep. Something wasn’t right. As he was passing through the realm of being half asleep, something in the corner of his mind made out a presence nearby.

Colton’s eyes shot open and upon seeing a dark figure in his bedroom, he almost jumped from the lying position to the head end of the bed. It was hard to make out anything in the early dawn, but there was definitely a human standing on the other side of the room.

Between trying to get up and grabbing a nearby object as a makeshift bludgeon, he only got out a garbled mess, before catching himself.

Colton was standing on his bed, holding a fleshlight above his head, ready to strike. “Who the fuck are you?!”

The other person stood there, naked. It was a man as far as Colton could tell, although one important piece was missing: The man’s crotch was empty. It was just smooth skin where a dick and balls should be.

The man looked like a surprised animal more than an intruder. “I’m sorry. I-”

“Where is your dick?” Colton cut him off. Something made him glance down his own crotch. “Oh my god where the fuck is my dick?!”

“…I am your dick.”

Colton lowered the fleshlight at the absurdity of that reply, his face distorted by disbelief. “What?”

“I detached from your crotch during the night.” The man rubbed his shoulder nervously, which Colton could feel as if someone was touching his dick. “I’m sorry.”

Upon feeling his dick touch itself, Colton dropped his fleshlight onto the bed. His own dick was no threat to him.

“Well,” Colton pointed to his crotch. “Then get back here?”

The man furrowed his brow. “No.”

Colton tilted his head, as if he did not hear properly. “What?”

The man’s previous nervousness shifted to resolve. “I don’t want to reattach.”

Colton closed his eyes as he gathered his thoughts. “You’re a dick… You’re my dick.”

“I’m a person now.”

“Okay, look,” Colton began. “I have absolutely no fucking clue how this happened, and honestly I don’t give enough of a fuck, but I need my dick back, you got me?”

His dick crossed his arms. “I don’t care.”

Colton raised his voice a little. “Why don’t you want to be my dick anymore?”

His dick gestured with one arm and looked up as if to find the right words. “I don’t like your life choices.”

“You don’t like my—” Colton shook off the sentence. “I will not let my cock criticize my fucking life!”

His dick looked away, although he still seemed angry.

“Okay, you know what.” Colton looked over to his alarm clock, which was 5 minutes away from beeping, and turned it off. “I don’t have time for this right now.” He walked over to the door of his bedroom but stopped and turned around at the door. “You stay where you are!”

After that he exited the room, only to peek through the frame not three seconds later. “How do I pee?”

The man who was Colton’s dick blinked. “I do that.”

“Through your…” Colton’s index finger made a whirl in front of him. “Mouth?”

“Yeah.”

“Do I also cum through your mouth?”

“Of course.”

Colton thought for a moment but shook off whatever went through his head. “Get over here, I need to pee.”

The two entered the bathroom where Colton was going for the sink to brush his teeth while his dick went for the toilet to relieve Colton. After his dick was done, he was simply standing there next to the toilet. With a mouth full of foam, Colton pointed at the toilet, prompting his dick to flush. Afterwards he had to gesture him over to the sink to wash his hands and rinse his mouth.

After his dick was done, Colton spat out into the sink. “So much for being your own person.”

After rinsing his own mouth, Colton went back to the bedroom to get dressed.

“All right.” He said to his dick as he appeared in the door while Colton put on his clothes. “What should I call you?”

“I don’t know.” His dick mused. “I never thought of a name.”

Without waiting for his dick to make up his mind, Colton decided. “All right, you’re John then.” After pulling on a shirt, he approached John. “Well then, John, We will have to sort this out later, because I need to go to work. You stay here until I get home, understood?”

John looked down, struggling between independence and obedience. “Yes.”

“Good.” Colton slipped past John through the doorway. “Food is in the fridge.”

“I don’t need to eat.”

Colton stopped, one hand on the door to his apartment. “Right… Well, have fun with the TV. You know how to use a TV?”

“No.”

“Of course you don’t.” Colton said to himself. “Well, enjoy your one day as a human.” He said before he left, slamming the door shut behind him.


“You think Colton looks a bit stressed today?” Dexter was saying as he organized some papers.

“I dunno, you tell me.” Peter replied as he was taking a look at the calendar behind Dexter. “I’m a machine person, not a people person.”

Dexter rolled his eyes. “Mechanics.”

“Receptionists.” Peter echoed.

“Hey hey hey, I am an ‘office assistant secretary’, thank you very much.”

“We don’t even have an office.” Peter gestured at the vista around them. “This is a gym.”

“So that’s why there’s so many hot guys walking around.” Dexter smirked. “It all makes sense now.”

“Are you sure you’re not a meat inspector instead of a receptionist?”

Dexter pushed up his lower lip and narrowed his eyes. “Not anymore.”

“To think you are literally surrounded by hot guys every day and you’re still single.” Peter mused.

“I know.” Dexter let out a mock sigh. “Love is a cruel mistress.”

“I don’t think it’s love.” Peter teased. “You’re just too picky.”

“Hey, it’s not my problem everyone else is happy with the first partner that comes along. If I am to spend the rest of my life with someone, I want to make sure he is-”

Dexter was cut off by a man approaching the reception. He had never seen a man so attractive before. Well, actually he had. This person almost looked like a twin of Colton, who Dexter had a crush on in the past. He actually looked exactly like a twin of Colton, except somewhat… Nicer? More likeable? Dexter couldn’t really put it into words but something about this man checked all of his boxes.

“Hello.” The man smiled in a way that made Dexter forget everything for a second. “Is Colton here?”

“Yeah he is—” Dexter pointed behind the man.

He didn’t get to finish that sentence as Colton already appeared, hissing at the man. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“I was bored.”

“You-” Colton began but caught himself, realizing both Dexter and Peter were there. “This is my twin brother, John,” he told them. “Excuse us for a moment?” Colton turned around and gave a ‘two minutes’ sign to his client in the distance, before pushing John out the door.

Dumbfounded, Dexter and Peter watched them leave.

“I didn’t know he had a brother,” Peter said.

Dexter was still lost in thought. “Me neither…”


“How did you even get here?!” Colton had taken John to the side in front of the building.

John furrowed his brow. “I walked.”

Colton’s voice pitched up in disbelief. “But, how did you even know the way?”

“You walk here every day. I have the number of steps and turns memorized.”

Colton looked at John flatly. “You don’t even know how to flush a toilet, but you can find your way to a place you never went yourself?”

“I was hanging from your crotch our whole life.” John crossed his arms. “I don’t know what you do with your arms and hands all the time when you’re not-”

“Okay okay, whatever,” Colton cut him off. “Did you close the door behind you?”

“Yes.”

Colton breathed a sigh of relief. “All right. I will bring you home now.”

“Can’t you just give me the key?”

“… Would you even know how to use a key?” Colton gestured. “You know, hands.”

“You use it on the door.” Colton looked away. “Or something.”

Colton was unimpressed. “Uh huh. That’s beside the point anyway. I will not give you my only key.” He put his hands on John’s shoulders. “I will now go back inside and tell my client that I have an emergency and that I will need to postpone our session. I will be back in a couple minutes. And you will stay right here until I am back, you got me?”

John hung his head. “Yeah.”

“Right. Here,” Colton intoned.

“Yes…”

“All right.”


“Dexter, can you check with Mr. Chamberlain if he wants to reschedule?” Colton was passing the reception. “I have an emergency,” he clarified before being out of range for regular speaking volume.

As Dexter was browsing through the appointment calendar, John appeared at the reception.

“Hey.” He smiled at Dexter again. “I didn’t catch your name earlier.”

“I’m Dexter.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Same.” Dexter mentally hit himself. His ability to think seemed to be at a new low in the presence of this guy.

Either not noticing or ignoring Dexter’s awkwardness, John kept smiling. “Want to have a drink some time later?”

“Sure, that sounds nice. After work?”

“When would that be?”

“At 6?”

“All right, I’ll be here.”

“Great, me too,” Dexter replied.

Before either could reply, Colton appeared again, with his client trailing behind him at a distance.

“I told you to stay where you were,” Colton scolded John through gritted teeth so his client wouldn’t hear, as he pushed John out the door.

With the two gone, Peter leaned over the counter and turned to Dexter. “Same?” he whispered with a mischievous grin.

“Shut up,” Peter whispered through a forced smile, before turning his attention to Colton’s client.


Colton closed the door behind him. The whole way he had been quiet and John figured he’d wait until they were back inside his apartment.

With the door closed, Colton spoke up. “So do you wanna do it now or later?”

John looked around confused. “…Do what?”

“Reattach to my crotch, because that’s where you belong.”

“I don’t want to reattach.” John furrowed his brows. “I like being human.”

Colton sat down on the couch. “And I like having a dick.”

“You still have me.”

“But—I mean—I don’t have a ‘dick’ dick.” John’s confused face told him he had to clarify. “You know, for sex and stuff.”

“I don’t see the problem?”

“What, should I just bring you along when I bang a dude?”

“Yeah,” John said as if it was the most normal thing.

Colton froze. “That… might actually work…” He mused. “A threesome, mmh.” He stood up, walking through the room. “All right, if you want to be a human so bad, we can try that. But if that does not work out, you will go back to my crotch.”

John frowned, but Colton was too lost in thought to wait for a confirmation from him.

“Okay,” Colton continued. “We need to put down some ground rules. First, you can’t tell anyone you’re my dick. You’re my brother.” He took a closer look at John. “My twin brother. Also, try not to talk to our parents or anyone who knows them.” He continued pacing the room, while counting on his fingers. “Second, you do not leave the house without me. Third, always be near the tablet in case I need to pee. I will call you on skype.” He froze. “Mmh, that’s it, I think. You got that?”

“Sure.”

Colton seemed sceptical. “Can you repeat the rules?”

“We’re twins, not leaving the house without you, and always be near the tablet.”

“Perfect,” Colton said without any enthusiasm. “I will now get back to work, hope my client didn’t quit on me and maybe I can secure a date for today evening.”

“I have a date too,” John beamed.

“… No you don’t.”

“I do.”

“How did you get a date from here to the gym? That’s like 10 minutes.”

“I asked,” John replied pointedly. “Besides it wasn’t on the way.”

The gears in Colton’s head turned. “Wait, the date isn’t Dexter, is it?”

“It is. We meet at 6.”

“You’re a dick,” Colton said. “You can’t have a date. You can’t even leave the apartment without me, remember?”

“I thought you’d be there too.”

“No, why? That’s not how dates work! You can’t just bring your brother along to a date.”

John was visibly confused. “Didn’t you want to do that too?”

“I mean, that’s a different thing.” Colton gestured wildly. “It’s—Those are sex dates. Yours isn’t a sex date right? Dexter isn’t the guy for sex dates.”

“I guess not.”

“Well, I will tell Dexter that you can’t today. Or do you want to do it yourself?”

John got angry. “I don’t want to cancel the date!” Before Colton could interrupt, John continued. “I agreed to come to your dates. In turn I want to go on my own dates too. That’s just fair.”

Colton was dumbfounded. “Okay, fine. Go on your stupid date.” He turned to the door, one hand on the handle. “When is it?”

“At 6.”

“I’ll tell Dexter that you might be a couple minutes late, because of the keys and all.” He looked at John with tempered anger on his face. “Have fun.” With that he left John alone in the apartment.


“You need to take care of your posture. Arch your back,” Colton told his client as the latter was working out. He was standing behind the man, who had recently registered for a couple hours each week. He was not as fit as the regulars, precisely why he paid Colton to be his fitness coach, but he did have a nice butt.

In fact, the more Colton looked at it, the more he liked it. “Yes, arch your back a little bit more. Perfect.” He took mental note to take care not to train those plump globes away.

As Colton continued, he felt himself get hornier, but it wasn’t just ogling his client. Then he felt a hand on his dick. He looked down reflexively only to realize someone must be groping John at home. But that can’t be, unless-

Unless John was groping himself. Colton cursed mentally, but took care not to lose track of his client, for more than just safety reasons.

As they continued with their workout session, Colton felt himself get harder and harder. It became difficult to concentrate and—in fact—stand. He quickly excused himself under the pretense that his client should take a quick break.

He made his way to the restrooms as quickly as was possible without making a scene. With the door closed behind him, he rushed to the nearest stall and leaned against the wall, as he felt John’s hands roaming his own body and, consequently, Colton’s dick.

Not being able to influence the handjob in any way drove Colton nearly insane, although he would have been lying if he had said he didn’t enjoy it. After minutes, he felt the end approaching and he braced himself with one arm on the opposite wall as he gasped in rhythm with the remote orgasm.

After a couple seconds of catching his breath and regaining his senses, he fumbled for his phone and dialed home. As he was waiting for John to answer, he got out of the stall to check if anyone else was in the others. Luckily, the restrooms were empty.

“Hello?” came John’s voice.

“What the hell was that?” Colton hissed through the phone, careful to keep his voice down in case someone was just outside the restrooms.

“I, uh, jerked myself off,” John said, sounding almost proud. “That was awesome.”

“I am at work!” Colton paced in front of the sinks. “You can’t do that.” There was no reaction from John. “Okay, rule number four: Don’t masturbate unless I am there.” He thought for a moment and added. “And we are at home.”

“Okay.” There was a short break. “Also your keyboard is a mess.”

“I know,” Colton said absentmindedly.

“Sorry.”

Suddenly the penny dropped in Colton’s head. “Wait what?! How much did you… Cough up?”

“Only a little. About a mouthful? Maybe more.”

“How do you even know how to use a computer?”

“You masturbate in front your computer a lot,” John stated as a matter of fact.

Colton let out a deep sigh.

“Do you want me to clean it up?” John asked.

“No, don’t make it worse,” Colton replied. “I’ll take care of it.” He thought about trying to clean a keyboard with a mouthful of dried cum in every little corner. Maybe he should just buy a new keyboard altogether. “Just, don’t do anything until I am home.” He hang up without giving John a chance to reply.


“Wow, this tastes great!”

John had just taken the first sip of his drink. He didn’t know what to order, so he just ordered the same as his date.

“You never had a Mojito before?” Dexter asked.

“No.” John took another sip. “But I’m loving it!”

“What do you usually order at a bar?”

“Uhh…” John looked down at his drink, trying to remember what Colton usually ordered when trying to hook up with someone. “Cuba Libre?” he asked more than he answered.

“Are you sure?” Dexter joked.

“I keep forgetting the name.” John tried to smooth over his mistake.

“So…” Dexter swirled his straw. “What do you do?”

“Nothing at the moment. Just sitting at home all day.”

“Oh, what did you do before?”

John was not sure how much he should make up, but since he couldn’t remember Colton talk about his life with Dexter, he assumed it was safe to go with that, minus the work part of course. “I started studying biology, didn’t like it, dropped out.” John shrugged his shoulders and looked away. “Now I’m here.”

“And you’ve been living with Colton the whole time since?” Dexter asked.

John rubbed his neck. “Yeah.”

Seeing John become visibly uncomfortable, Dexter decided to drop the subject. He felt like the roles had reversed. John had asked him out but now it was up to Dexter to break the ice. “What’s your favourite animal?”

John looked up, somewhat confused but not unhappy about the change of topic. The shine returned to his eyes as he began musing about the question, eventually leading to a full-blown conversation and ultimately a great date for both Dexter and John.

It was moderately late when Dexter decided he would have to head home. Having to work the next day he couldn’t stay forever. They said their goodbyes, embraced each other for a moment and went their ways. Luckily the bar was right around the corner of the gym, so John found his way home.


Colton got up to let John in. After closing the door, he returned to his seat on the couch where he was watching TV.

“How was the date?” he asked without passion.

“Great. I had a lot of fun.”

“Good.” Colton kept staring at the TV. “At least one of us did.”

John sat down next to Colton, unsure whether he should feel guilty or angry.

“Did you eat something?” Colton kept going.

“Yeah, some tapas.”

“I felt that, y’know.” Colton’s voice sounded almost accusatory. “Guess now I know what sounding is like. Can’t say I’m a fan.” He turned to John at last, rotating his entire upper body. “What happens to the stuff you eat and drink anyway? If you cough up my cum, do you even have a stomach?”

“I don’t think so.” John moved one hand over his belly. “I think I digest it into cum, you know. I feel… Full.”

“Looks like I’m not the only one feeling blueballed then. But that’s not a big deal, right, because we have a date lined up where we can cum and cum and cum.” Colton’s face shifted to faked surprise. “Oh no we don’t, because my dick decided to detach from my crotch last night and fucking go on an adventure!”

“Would it hurt you to go without sex one day a year?”

“Well, I suppose not, but why should I? You’re my dick, I shouldn’t ask you for permission to fuck a dude.” Colton felt through his hair in astonishment. “In fact, you should want to bang more than I do. You’re the genitals. Not me!”

“Maybe they switched us up at birth.”

Colton decided to ignore John’s sarcastic remark. “So are you two going to meet again?”

“Yeah.”

“Tomorrow?”

“We don’t have a date yet.”

“Oh great.” Colton stood up. “That means I can go have a hot date over tomorrow.” He turned to John. “You are of course cordially invited to join me, if you have no other plans.”

John did not feel like answering.

“Well then, I’m off to bed.”

John got up to follow Colton. Near the door to the bedroom, Colton turned around. “Where do you think you’re going?”

John was confused. “To bed.”

“Oh no, you’re sleeping on the couch.”

“But I’ve always slept with you.”

“Yeah well,” Colton pointed out. “You’ve also always been attached to my crotch up until today. But, congratulations, you’re a human now.”

John looked over to the couch. It felt so empty. And cold.

“Good night,” Colton said before closing the bedroom door.


“So, how’s Valerie?” Dexter said between two mouthfuls.

Peter looked up from his food. “Still pregnant.”

“I understand. You have my sympathies.”

Peter laughed. “Shut up.”

“You know what they say about people who get kids,” Dexter kept teasing.

“That they become more handsome and gain lots of free time?”

Dexter narrowed his eyes in jest. “Yeah sure. That.”

“Anyway, enough about my grim future,” Peter declared. “How was your date?”

Dexter swallowed and looked down at his lunch. “It was good.”

“… Good? Sounds like you had a blast,” Peter mocked.

“It was great. John’s a great guy and he’s smart and funny and kind.”

“Wow, someone found their Mister Right.”

Dexter poked with his fork in his food. “Maybe…”

“Maybe?”

“I dunno,” Dexter continued. “He’s sometimes a bit odd. Nothing important, just, as if he makes up the smallest things. But he’s also very embarrassed about it.”

“You think he’s a liar?”

“… No.” Dexter thought for a moment. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Mmh.”

“I dunno,” Dexter continued. “He just hates talking about himself.” He looked up. “You know, I think he’s been living with his brother the whole time and doesn’t feel comfortable admitting that. Especially since he doesn’t work.”

“The two seem to have a bit of a strained relationship.”

“I mean, they’re brothers,” Dexter half-joked.

“Yeah, but I assume Colton wants John to live his own life, become his own person. I don’t imagine he wants to have his brother this close for his whole life.”

“Maybe,” Dexter mused. “Maybe, yeah.”


As Colton was making out with his date, he felt hands fumble at his zipper.

“Ah ah ah…” He stopped the guy under him. “Remember? Our pants stay on.”

His date looked up. “So, you just into kissing then?”

Colton went in to continue kissing the guy’s neck. “You can get a rimjob if you want.” He moved one of his hands over to John and started massaging the area between his shoulder blades.

John was not as much into the whole thing as Colton was. He tried his best to participate the same way he always did when he was attached to Colton’s crotch, but being a human was making it difficult. He had to actively engage, rather than just being rubbed and thrust.

When Colton mentioned the rimjob and rubbed John’s back, he knew what that meant. It was time for anal. Colton maneuvered his date into a position to allow John to access the man’s behind, while Colton continued making out in the front.

At first John instinctively thrust his chin against the hole, as he did when he was a dick, but he quickly learned to use his tongue instead. Judging by Colton’s moans, it seemed to be the correct way to go.

Colton continued rubbing John’s back, which really was just Colton rubbing his dick. John also felt the date’s hands on him occasionally, but he seemed too busy making out to do anything useful with them.

After a while, John felt the familiar sensation inside his body, an upwelling of warmth rising from his insides. His tongue movements became stronger and Colton’s breathing deepened. John enjoyed the moment until he felt something fill up his throat, he quickly broke off and grabbed the bin Colton had placed next to the bed. As his body kept pulsing with Colton’s pleasure, he emptied himself into the bin, looking like someone throwing up.

Colton’s date just finished his own orgasm and was looking over to John, visibly concerned. “Is he okay?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s nothing,” Colton replied.

“I’m totally fine,” John muttered with his head still in the bin. He had vomited out most of the cum, but a small bit was still dribbling out.

Seeing his date still being concerned about John, Colton tried to assure the man. “It’s nothing serious. Just a medical thing where too much spit ends up in his throat and he needs to spit it out periodically.” He laid down from the exhaustion. “It’s called ribosomic arrest.”

“Is that like cardiac arrest?” His date looked at Colton shocked.

“No no!” Colton hastily replied. “It’s nothing like that. It’s perfectly harmless. It just happens more easily when he’s excited.”

The man looked over to John again, who was now sitting on the ground, leaning against the bed, clearly spent.

“So…” The date looked down at Colton’s crotch. “Did you come?”


“How was it for you?” Colton asked without looking away from the TV. “First time being human.”

John was curled up on one end of the sofa in a blanket. With the orgasm having faded he felt cold. “It was okay.”

“Okay?”

“I didn’t like it.” John frowned.

“What now?” Turned his head to John. “Was it okay, or did you not like it?”

John met Colton’s gaze for a couple seconds before replying. “I detached because I didn’t want any more of this bullshit. I don’t want to bounce from fling to fling. I wanted a relationship, not just sex.” He looked down. “But nothing is changing. It’s just more bothersome, being human and all.”

“Well, if you don’t like it, you can go back to my crotch.”

“No.”

“But you agreed on it, remember?” Colton insisted.

“I never agreed to that.”

“We wanted to give this new arrangement a try,” Colton explained. “And you agreed to go back to being my dick if we didn’t like it.”

“See, that’s the point,” John raised his voice. “I never agreed to shit. You just said that and didn’t even bother to wait for a confirmation from me. You are so in your own head, you don’t care what I think, or what I want.”

“Well, why would I?” Colton gave John a stern look. “You are an appendage of mine. Supposed to be at least. Give me one reason why I should care.”

“Because I am no longer an appendage.”

“Really!” Colton faked surprise. “What the fuck would you even do without me? You don’t have a home, or a job, or any sort of papers to prove your existence. You don’t even have family!” Colton stood up. “Everything that defines who you are is me!”

John stared back in anger and defeat.

Colton shook his head. “You don’t even have a room to stomp off into and slam the door to end the conversation.” He reached for the remote and turned the TV off. “Good night.”


“Busy day, huh?” Peter entered the area behind the reception and went for the maintenance records.

Dexter looked up from the counter and eyed the gym. It was unusually empty today, but there were other things on his mind. “You know, I was thinking about what you said. With Colton and John.”

“Oh?”

“Maybe I should get John out more. Especially the evenings, to give Colton some breathing room.” He turned to Peter. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Mmh, sure,” Peter replied without looking up. “Colton does seem a bit stressed recently. Having some time to himself at home might help. What did you have in mind?”

“Maybe going to the cinema. The Seven Seas maybe.”

Seven Seas?” Peter grinned. “Is that your choice because of the lead actor what’s-his-name?”

“No, it’s not. Okay maybe a little,” Dexter had to admit. “But also because it seems like a good movie.” He shrugged.

“Well, sounds like a good idea to me. Go for it.” Peter closed the maintenance book and started to leave, before stopping again. “Oh, lunch later?”

“No sorry. I’m going to talk to John about the date.”

Peter was visibly confused. “And that takes half an hour?”

“Well, I have to walk there,” Dexter explained. “He doesn’t have a phone.”

“He doesn’t have a phone?” Peter echoed. “What year is it?”

“I know, right? I guess he doesn’t have the money.”

“Mmh, well, good luck then,” Peter said as he left.

“Thanks.”


“I have a date on Friday,” John said from the couch. He didn’t even wait for Colton to close the door behind him.

“With Dexter?”

“Yeah.”

Colton walked past John. “What are you going to do?”

“Going to the cinema.”

“Doesn’t that cost money?”

“… Yes.”

Colton returned to the couch and sat down. “Is Dexter going to pay?”

John looked at his feet. “No, I don’t think so.”

There was no reply from Colton.

“I thought,” John began. “You could lend me some money.”

Colton barely suppressed a laugh. “Lend? And how do you figure you’re going to repay me?”

“I don’t know,” John had to admit. “But I don’t want Dexter to cover for me again.”

“Instead you want me to cover for you?”

John did not know what to reply.

“You know what,” Colton broke the silence. “If we can secure a date today, I will give you some money for your date on Friday.”

“You don’t have one lined up?”

“No. Got no luck at the gym and on the internet today,” Colton explained. “Which means we’re going out.”


John quickly made his way back to the table. He tried to make himself as small as possible, holding his arms and the drink in his hand as close to his body as he could. Colton thought it was strange, his own dick feeling out of place in a gay bar, but then again everything about the recent developments was strange.

John sat down at the table with Colton and their potential date for the night. He already had several empty glasses in front of him, each one a different drink. John wanted to try them all out.

Colton gave him a quick glance that John interpreted as disapproval. He figured Colton didn’t want John to order so much, because he had to pay for it, but John knew Colton well enough. He wouldn’t try to look stingy in front of a date.

“I hope you know your limits,” The potential date smiled. “No fun screwing with a drunk guy.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Colton grinned. “He can’t get drunk.”

The date gave Colton an amused, yet confused look. “He can’t get drunk?” he said a bit louder than Colton did.

A bear of a man who was standing at the bar with his friends turned to the trio. “Who says he can’t get drunk?”

While John looked at Colton and the date expectantly at John, Colton’s eyes darted between the two and the bear.

Guided by the date’s gaze, the big guy turned to John. “You?”

“It’s a medical thing,” Colton rubbed his temples. “His body doesn’t absorb alc—”

“Did you hear that?” the bear shouted to his friends, before turning his attention back to John. “I challenge you to a drinking contest. Nobody has beaten me yet.”

Colton bit his lip, but John just gave him the Don’t worry, I got this nod. “Okay, I accept.”

“Loser pays for the drinks!” The bear’s voice boomed as he grabbed a chair and sat down at the table. The barkeeper looked at his friends to check if they have him under control and they nodded.

In the following hour, John and the bear were brought several rounds of alcoholic beverages. As time went on, a crowd gathered around the table to watch the spectacle. The sentences of the bear became more and more slurred, while John sat there as if he was the most sober he has ever been.

Colton looked over to their date. The guy’s eyes were glued to the spectacle. Colton sighed internally. Not only was this guy dumb as a brick, but also a bit of an ass. Let’s hope he performs well in bed. He got the looks at least.

While Colton was mentally undressing their date, John was clearly winning the challenge. The bear’s sentences became heavily slurred and his attention less focused.

Eventually, one of his friends admitted defeat and put a hand on the bear’s shoulder. “Come, let’s get you home.”

The bear swatted the hand away. “No, I’m still in the game.”

“Dude, you lost,” his friend insisted.

“No, I’m not losing,” the bear rambled. “I have never lost.” Then something seemingly lit up in his head. “He cheated! He doesn’t drink!”

“Leave him alone,” another one of his friends joined in. “You lost fair and square. We already paid for the drinks.”

“No!” the bear bolted up, dropping his chair behind him. “He’s a dirty cheater!”

John was startled by the bear’s aggressive body language, making him stand up as well. Colton also got up from his chair to intervene. “Hey, there’s no need to—”

Colton never finished his sentence as the bear punched John in the face, making Colton grab his crotch and double over.

Colton’s reaction confused the bear for a moment, which allowed his friends to grab his arms and forcefully escort him out of the bar, swearing all the way at their drunken friend.

Once both John and Colton had heaved themselves back onto their chairs, the barkeeper brought the two a pack of ice each. When handing the second one to Colton, he just waved him off and pointed at John. “Give it to him.”

While John was pressing both packs against his head, Colton felt the pain subside a little. He looked over to his dick, who was quickly developing a black eye.

After a couple of introspective seconds, Colton’s eyes wandered to check on his date only to find he was gone.


Colton dropped the pizza box and his wallet onto the kitchen table, opposite of John and sat down.

After a couple bites, Colton shoved the box into the middle. “Want a piece?”

John hesitated at first, but took a slice and looked back at Colton, who seemed to be lost in thought while eating.

Both men did not say anything for a while.

Eventually John broke the silence again. “So, I guess I should cancel the date with Dexter?”

Colton’s attention was brought back to the room. “Why?”

“We couldn’t get a date,” John explained. “And you said—”

“Here.” Colton reached for his wallet and pulled out a bill. “Take this,” he said without a hint of aggression or disappointment.

John almost dropped his pizza. He just stared at Colton as if he had just seen an alien.

Colton meanwhile did not return the look, though his voice remained neutral, almost warm. “Are you going to eat dinner afterwards?”

“That was the plan.”

“You don’t know how to eat with silverware, right?”

John looked down on his pizza slice in his hands. “No.”

“Well,” Colton got up and opened a drawer. “Let’s get you prepared for a real date.”


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